2/17/03 Eric Cohen is a Freshman at the University of Illinois, where he gets drunk every weekend. Eric lives in Illini Towers, with Blake Mikus, Sam Dolins, and Mike Eisenwasser. While at Illini Towers, he has been subject to a continuous stream of substance abuse. He is an Agricultural Engineering major, but got a low GPA due to excessive drinking every other night.
Eric is what we would call an "unusual" drinker, in that he has an extreme case of featherweight tolerance. For example, at the beginning of the year he got smashed on two beers and then cleaned the frathouse for three hours while dancing like a maniac. His most recent experience was Valentine's day. As he has a better relationship with alcohol and weed than any woman (Melissa), the following were his Valentine's Day activities; first he and Eisenwasser got smashed at 2pm, so their roomates at class could not stop them from drinking themselves retarded. A very upset Sam returned from class and starting punching Eisenwasser (who was supposed to drive him to buy flowers for a girl). Eric then smoked a ton of pot and went crazy. On seven shots and four hits, he had quite a trip. First he turned white as death, and lapsed into unconsciousness. Finally waking, he was too numb to speak, drink water, or stop drooling all over. Upon waking up, he had a halucination that he was on fire, and poured his drinking water all over himself to quench the flames. He then put half of his body out the fifteenth floor window so he could have "smoke free" air to breath. Finally, he went to the toilet and threw up a few times. When Mike and Sam returned from the movies at around midnight, Eric was still lost like a child in a zoo looking for his parents. We love our drunken Eric.
We are going to waste your time with one more story. When Eric returned from the bars, he stripped to his boxers immediately after entering the dorm room. Having gotten Burger King, he then mistook a hockey stick for his Whopper and began chewing on the blade. He then started masturbating over his boxers and screaming "I am impotent! I cannot get hard! But, but, what if my penis wants to reach for the skyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy?!"
2/21/03 Holy freaking shit have the genius creators of the Eric Drunk website got an update for you. Tonight Eric got home from Kam's around 1:30 absolutely trashed and immediately stripped down to his boxers, of course. Sam and Eli told him to put on some clothes (he chose his Hawaiian shirt) and brought him up to Eli's room to get the camera. Eli has a bit of a food fetish as you'll see. After a few minutes they dragged him back to 808. The details of the hilarity caught on digital camera won't be included here, but the following happened while round #1 was loading; Eric attempted to fit himself into the refrigerator, meanwhile wearing Mike's comforter, and failed of course, falling onto his back (comforter still on) and ended up just kicking his feet into the air. Mike subsequently threw some cups and Eli continued his food fetish, then Sam said "Mike you idiot, there was still some liquid in those cups, you got some on the comforter." Eric felt very guilty over the stained comforter and took it upon himself to clean it.......by taking a shower with it still covering him like a cheap ghost costume. He almost burned himself in the process "Aaaaaahhhhh, I'm on fiiiiiirree!!!", but Blake, Mike, Sam, and Eli made sure no permanent damage occurred. After the shower ended, he realized Mike couldn't sleep with a soaked comforter, so he began mourning the comforter, moaning "I ruined it!! I ruined the blanket!! I'm so sorry, I feel so baaaaad." He soon forgot about it, though, running around trying to take off his boxers. Mike and Eli obviously didn't want to see that, so after Eric attempted that a few times, they duct taped his boxers to him. Eric then pulled off a bit of the duct tape, attached it to a door handle, and then began to spin around until all the tape came off. He then jumped onto Mike's bed and began humping it. He then crawled under the sheets and pulled off his boxers, much to Mike's dismay and Eli and Sam's entertainment. About here is where the first round of photos finished uploading, so now you can refer to the pictures section above. 808 apologizes to the poor girl next door who had a test the next morning (she called, then Eric started screaming at her through the walls.) Very productive night for the Drunk Eric website. L'Chaim!!
2/28/03 Last night was a lot of fun. We all got drunk at the frat house and went to see "Old School." Funny ass movie if you're smashed and with your frat brothers. Eric of course was gone, and managed to nearly get himself kicked out of the theatre. He went to the bathroom and came back running at full speed followed by a theatre employee who then proceeded to scold him for awhile. He doesn't remember last night well, so nobody's quite sure what exactly he did. Eric gets back to IT and goes nuts. It was Pustilnik's birthday and Eric gave him a lap dance. That provided the theme for the night, as the pictures will show.
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