Howdy! And welcome to my home!
Hello there! My name is Alana And this is my page of
who knows what!!! But hopefully I will make you smile and if ya
chuckle out loud thats a good thing! If not then thats a bad
deal! But enjoy and be warned some jokes contain Adult humor but
its all harmless fun!! So Enjoy! And Please Sign My guest book!
What you will find here will be a wide variety of Jokes and
other things I find amusing or that I think you should Know
about! Please sign my guest book and let me know what ya think or you can e-mail me with any suggestions or good jokes that ya think I need !
Alright all those
formalities done with! Let the good times roll!
So anyway this cowboy took his girl up to lovers peak. They sat down on a log. After a bit Judi says to Jon, "Aren't the stars purty tonite?" Jon says "Sure is Judi". Judi says "Jon, aren't the moon purty tonite". Jon says "Sure is Judi". After a bit Judi says, "Jon, whisper something soft and mushy in my ear". So Jon leans over and whispers "'Sheeeit'
There were some backwoods cowboys living across the river from each other, who feuded constantly. John hated Clarence with a passion and never passed up a chance to throw rocks across the river at Clarence. This went on for years until one day the Corps of Engineers came to build a bridge across that river. John was elated; he told his wife that finally he was going to get the chance to cross over and whip Clarence. He left the house and returned in a matter of minutes. His wife asked what was wrong, didn't he intend to go over the bridge and whip Clarence? He replied that he never had really seen Clarence up close and didn't realize his size until he started over the bridge and saw the sign: "CLEARANCE 8 FT 3 IN
That would be me and Cash on his Birthday May 7th 1999
Four old cowboys are having a discussion about what is the fastest thing in the world.
First cowboy says, "I believe it's thinking, 'cause when you prick your finger or touch a flame, the pain instantly becomes thought and hits the brain."
Second cowboy says, "Well, I think its blinking. When you blink and open your eyes again, you immediately see everything. Nothing is changed."
Third cowboy says, "Well, I think it's light, 'cause as soon as you press that light switch, you go from dark to instant light."
Fourth cowboy says, "Well, I think its the Mexican-two-step diarrhea."
All the others ask simultaneously, "Diarrhea? Why?"
Fourth cowboy says, "I'll explain it to you. I went across the border to a saloon last night and drank a buncha home-made Mexican tequila. On the way home from the saloon, I stopped off at Lupe's cafe and ate two helpings of her Mexican Special, which I suspect had been warmed over a time or two, and a buncha jalapenas and some chili peppers I never saw before."
First cowboy asks, "So, what's that got to do with speed or diarrhea?"
Fourth cowboy says, "Well, later on when I was in bed? I felt this fire and fierce rumbling in my belly, and before I could think, or blink, or turn on that goddamn light...."
The infamous Black Cat stable!!I guess you could say its our family tradition! Thanks to Dad!!!
The farmer said, "Yea, I want to get one of those
dayvorce's."
The attorney said, "well do you have any grounds?"
The farmer said, "Yea, I got about 140 acres."
The attorney said, " No, you don't understand, do you have a
case?"
The farmer said, "No, I don't have a Case, but I have a John
Deere."
The attorney said, "No you don't understand, I mean do you
have a grudge?"
The farmer said, "Yea I got a grudge, that's where I park my
John
Deere."
The attorney said, "No sir, I mean do you have a suit?"
The farmer said, "Yes sir, I got a suit. I wear it to church
on Sundays."
The exasperated attorney said, "Well sir, does your wife
beat you up or anything?"
The farmer said, "No sir, we both get up about 4:30."
Finally, the attorney says, "Okay, let me put it this way.
"WHY DO YOU WANT A DIVORCE?"
And the farmer says, "Well, I can never have a meaningful
conversation with her."
A city slicker went to the country to buy a pig.
When he approached the pig farmer, he asked for a
25 pound pig. The pig farmer put the pig's tail
in his mouth and bobbed his head up and down. He
then told the city slicker that the pig was too
heavy - it was 30 pounds. The city slicker told
the farmer he didn't believe that was the way to
weigh pigs. The farmer called his son over and
asked him to weigh the pig. The son put the pig's
tail in his mouth, bobbed his head a couple of
times and said the pig weighed 30 pounds. The
city slicker said the farmer and his son were
putting him on. The farmer told his son to go get
his mother and have her come out and weigh the
pig. The son went into the house and after a few
minutes came out telling the father that the
mother was busy weighing the mailman.
Three Southern Belles were setting on the porch
fanning themselves. One of them had just returned
from a shopping trip to New York City. In her
sweetest, southern voice she said:
'Do you know, that in New York City, there are men
who have sex with other men'
One replied: 'And what do they call them'...
The Belle replied, 'They call them homosexuals'
The Belle went on...
'And did you know that in New York City, there are
women who have sex with other women?'
The other Belle said... I do declare, whatever
do they call them?
The Belle replied, 'They are called, 'Lesbians.''
Finally the returned Belle said: 'And did you
know, there are men in New York City who eat
women's pussies.'
'Oh my goodness, and what do they call those men?'
The belle blushed and replied, 'I'm not sure what
the women of New York call them, but I called them
SWEETHEART.'
| Deja Moo: The feeling that you've heard this bull before. | Hickphonics | |
Cowboy Prayer May your horse never stumble, May your boots never pinch,
On a hot, dusty day a cowboy
rode into a small frontier town. After dismounting, he
walked behind his horse, lifted it's tail and kissed it
where the sun don't shine. Some Cowboy Pick Up Lines Non verbal come on #1 Eye contact Non verbal come on #2 raises beer bottle in a toast Non verbal come on #3 licks his lips makes animal noises and moves pelvis in lewd manner Verbal come ons !. Have you ever ridden a bull? do you want to tonight? . I'll bet you a beer I can tell ya where ya got them boots...ya got them on yer feet Look at that your so hot you made my ice cubes melt I've been to 3 rodeos and a buzzard orgy, but your the most exciting thing I have seen guy: Hey you got a lil cowboyt in ya? gal: No guy: well do ya wanna have? Why do cowboys have 2 inch balls? So they can pull their buddies horse trailer
|
HEIDI - noun. Greeting . HIRE YEW - Complete sentence. Remainder of greeting. Usage: Heidi, hireyew? " BARD - verb. Past tense of the infinitive "to borrow." Usage: "My brother bard my pickup truck." JAWJUH - noun. The State north of Florida. Capitol is Lanner. Usage: "My brother from Jawjuh bard my pickup truck." BAMMER - noun. The State west of Jawjuh. Capitol is Berminhayum. Usage: "A tornader jes went through Bammer an' l eft $20,000,000 in improvements." MUNTS - noun. A calendar division. Usage: "My brother from Jawjuh bard my pickup truck, and I ain't herd from him in munts." THANK - verb. Ability to cognitively process. Usage: "Ah thank ah'll have a bare BARE - noun. An alcoholic beverage made of barley, hops, and yeast. Usage: "Ah thank ah'll have a bare." IGNERT - adjective. Not smart. See "Arkansas native." Usage: "Them Bammer boys sure are ignert!" RANCH - noun. A tool used for tight'nin' bolts. Usage: "I thank I left my ranch in the back of that pickup truck my brother from Jawjuh bard a few munts ago." ALL - noun. A petroleum-based lubricant. FAR - noun. A conflagration. Usage: "If my brother from Jawjuh don't change the all in my pickup truck, that thing's gonna catch far." TAR - noun. A rubber wheel. Usage: "Gee, I hope that brother of mine Jawjuh don't git a flat tar in my pickup truck." TIRE - noun. A tall monument. Usage: "Lord willin' and the creek don't rise, sure do hope to see that Eiffel Tire in Paris sometime." RETARD - Verb. To stop working. Usage: "My grampaw retard at age 65." FAT - noun, verb. 1. a battle or combat. 2. to engage in battle or combat. Usage: "You younguns keep fat 'n, n' ah'm gonna whup y'uh." RATS - noun. Entitled power or privilege. Usage: "We Southerners are willin' to fat for are rats." FERN - adjective. Not local. Usage: "I cuddint unnerstand a wurd he sed....mus' be from some fern country." DID - adjective. Not alive. Usage: "He's did, Jim." EAR - noun. A colorless, odorless gas: Oxygen. Usage: "He cain't breathe....give 'im some ear!" BOB WAR - noun. A sharp, twisted cable. Usage: "Boy, stay away from that bob war fence." JEW HERE - Noun and verb contraction. Usage: "Jew here that my brother from Jawjuh got a job with that bob war fence cump'ny?" HAZE - a contraction. Usage: "Is Bubba smart?" "Nah....haze ignert. He ain't thanked but a minnit 'n 'is laf." SEED - verb, past tense of "to see". VIEW - contraction: verb and pronoun. Usage: "I ain't never seed New York City....view?" GUMMIT - Noun. A bureaucratic institution. Usage: "Them gummit boys shore are ignert " |
The best way to
get a cowboy to do something is to suggest he is
too old for it.
WOOOHOOO MY FIRST AWARD THANKS FOR NOMINATING ME GUYS!!!!!!
Here are the links to my other Pages enjoy them ! and let me know what ya think!Thanks for visiting
more horsey and cowboy jokes and such!
My whynot page more jokes cowboy sayings and some poems and other facts of life!
A page dedicated to the greatest man in the world!page
Some Poems and other stories About DAD!
the picture page ya'll asked for it ya'll got it 
A lil info bout myself just incase ya wanted it
>The Latest Cowboy Jokes and Such! Keep em coming!!
>
And the newest addition to my collection of Jokes and such! Keep em coming!!
howdy.html
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Can you believe it ? I have had this many visitors since April 10th 1999
Meet your Match! CLICK HERE to go to Alana's horse and cowboy Personals meet a new friend or perhaps the love of your life ya never know!
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