| I
was glad it was Friday today. It gives me two days where I don't
have to go to work. In actual fact today was slightly better than
most. Everyone's still miserable. It's like working in a morgue
- except there's more life in a morgue. No-one speaks. You
see people in the corridor and they don't smile, say hello, tell you to
bugger off. Nothing. I find it quite bizarre. I've been
there now six months and I still feel as though I don't belong. It's
like working with total strangers. They know no more about me now
than they did when I first joined. Work should be fun but everyone
goes around with long faces - except a new guy who I keep bumping into
in the kitchen. He looks and sounds gay - well, camp - although he
wears a wedding ring and I'm sure he's not gay. He has very jet black
hair and a little black moustache and he looks a little Hitler-esque.
But he always has a smile on his face and he talks a lot. We had
a long conversation about business processes and IT security.
Makes a change from these men who think if you have a decent conversation with them it means you're about to seduce them. Believe me if I wanted to seduce someone badly enough they would know about it. It seems I've totally freaked out Anton (names have been changed to protect the innocent, except in cases where they're not innocent !!). We had, what I thought was a good conversation where we basically put the world to rights and, credit where credit's due, he gave me some sound career advice. And then suddenly, he blanks me. Fails to respond to my emails - all business related. And every time he sees me in the corridor he engages in rapid conversation on his mobile. He's like a frightened rabbit. Gutless. Men think they're masters of the universe and then they can't cope when someone likes them - yes, I like him as a "nice guy" - well, I thought so at the time. But he's shortish. He's a bit dumpy. He does have an incredbly sexy voice which, yes, does do it for me. He has badly bitten nails - always look at a man's hands. If I don't like the hands, that's it. So, sorry Anton, you were never in the running. Plus I think he's too old anyway. My current favourite age is 27. I've come to the conclusion that toyboys are best ! I don't know where they make men these days but they could do with rethinking the manufacturing process. So many men are wimps. No masculinity. The real men are usually the classic "bit of rough" or just downright bad. It's getting that balance between decency and some fire. A maverick, someone with some guts and passion. I suppose you have to take the good with the bad but so often the bad seems to come out on top. Untempered. You never seem to be able to have quite exactly what you want in this life. You can come close but that's all. They always leave you wanting more. Life
should be full of passion. It should be vibrant. Yes the lows
will be as dramatic as the highs but you'll feel like you're really living.
It's the sort of life you read about in a novel. I'm sure there must
be people who do live like that but it's so easy to get confined in the
narrow mindedness of the everyday grind. The 9 to 5. The politics
of the office. The stifling of creativity. You can feel all
your energy drain out of you as you walk through the office door.
You know you're going to go in and no-one's going to raise their head to
acknowledge your presence. No-one acknowledges you leaving either
so it's almost as if you've never been there. The phone rings and,
guess what, it's a wrong number. It's like that film "Joe versus
the Volcano". In fact, it IS "Joe versus the Volcano". I just
wonder when my volcano's going to arrive. I always wanted a lippy
black chauffeur all of my own. By the end of the day you begin to
wonder whether you have something contagious. I've never worked anywhere
where people are so consistently, and across the board, anti-social.
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