English Jokes
- Do You Like The Airplane?
- A young man riding the bus home and sits next to a very beautiful lady.
She's about twenty, with a pair of fully developed breasts like those of
Marilyn Monroe. Most noticeable about this lady is that she wears a small
golden airplane on top of those breasts like a jewelry which attracts the
guy's attention. The lady notices that she is being noticed by the guy
and turns and asks the guy with a friendly tone:
- - Do you like the airplane?
- - The guy replies very calmly:
- - Not really, but I like the airport!!!??
- Painless Effort
- In defending a for a client who is on trial for murder, a helpless
young lawyer sacrifices a night with a juror with the hope that he can
persuade the other jurors to turn the verdict from a first degree murder
to involuntary manslaughter. The verdict came out with involuntary manslaughter
and the young lawyer thanks the juror for his influence on the verdict.
She says:
- - You must have tried very hard to convince the other jurors to agree
on an involuntary manslaughter verdict.
- - The juror replies: "You're right, I have tried very hard to
convince the other 11 jurors to agree on the involuntary manslaughter verdict
because they came up with a not-guilty verdict." - ???!!!!!
- Objects - Subjects
- The English teacher asked Johnny to give her a sentence with an object.
"You are very pretty," he answered. "What's the object?"
the teacher asked. Johnny replied, "To get an A in English."
- Fowl Line
- A supermaket had a sale on boneless chicken breasts, and a woman intended
to stock up her freezer. At the store, however, she was disppointed to
find only a few skimpy prepacked of the poultry, so she complained to the
butcher. "Don't worry, lady," he said. "I'll pack some more
trays and have them ready for you by the time you finish shopping."
- Several aisles later, the woman heard the butcher's voice boom over
the intercom: "Will the lady who wanted bigger breasts please meet
me at the back of the store."
- Misunderstanding
- Very early in the morning, the girl tells her fiance that last night,
in her dream, she saw him given her a very big and beautiful diamond engaged-ring.
She asks him that in his opinion, what does it mean? Are dreams come true?
The man says that she'll know in the afternoon.
- That afternoon, after work, her fiance brings home with him a carefully
wrapped little box and gives it to her. She's very happy when receiving
the box. She opens the box and sees a book with the title: "The Answer
to Every Dreams."
- Rape by An Idiot
- A young lady came to a police station and told a policeman that she
has been raped by an idiot.!!!
- - Why do you know that he's an idiot, the policeman asked?
- The lady responded:
- - I know he's an idiot because I had teach him how to rape.
- - The policeman????!!!!
- A very beautiful girl went to a public swimming pool for swimming.
Accidentally, at the middle of the swim, her bikini slipped off. Some young
guys start laughing. The girl was really embarrass so she got out of the
pool and tried to cover her private area with her hands. She saw a cartboard
and grasped it to cover. The guys laughed harder and harder so she looked
down to see what made them laughed harder. She saw the inscription on the
cartboard which read: "Warning! This area is 5 feet deep!"
- Love In The Darkness
- A second-shift worker, with a sad and disappointed face, told his fellow
workers:
- - Do you guy know what happen to me last night?
- - No, reply his friends.
- - After work, I came straight home. I opened the door with my spare
key and tried to turn the light on but the power was down. I tried to
walk
in the dark and suddenly I saw a dark figure walking toward me. I thought
it was Priscilla, a college girl who has moved in last week. She shared
one of the room. So, I grasped her and kissed her. It turned out that the
figure is my wife, not Priscilla.
- - So what? Late at night you come home from work and kiss your wife
sounds very normal
- - Of course, kissing my wife is normal, but when I kissed her, she
whispered that: "Hurry and come to my room. Hurry, it's almost time
that my loser husband come home from work"
- - ????!!!!
- A Day at The Doctor's Office
- The doctor opens the exam room and walks out to the waiting room. In
the waiting room, there is a woman and a man. The doctor asks his patients
to come in. The man also stands up so the doctor says to the man:
- - You too, please come in, if you want.
- The doctor thought that husband and follows the wife to the exam room
is normal. While in the exam room, the doctor asks the woman to undress
so he can exam. The woman seems very uncomfortable in taking off her clothes.
So, the doctor turns to the man and asks:
- - Has she ever act like this to any doctor before?
- The man replies right away:
- - I have no idea. This is the first time I see this woman.
- - !!!!????
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