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Yeti: I want to
start off with my horrible team. Mike "needs a pen" Egan. This
guy has to pay up or suffer humility all season. It’s reported that he
will finally cut a check for All Pro Gonzo that will move him out of
horrible status immediately. Until he signs Jimmy Smith though – this
team will go no where. He lacks 2 players and needs to be aggressive with
trades or FA acquisitions. We have updated his finishing place and odds
based on Gonzo’s check clearing below. ***This just in - Coach
Egan learns of t-shirt sales - signs EVERYONE including a 10 million
dollar donation to the JIMMY Fund.*** Coach Egan, including the recent signings,
will win games but not enough.
Shanny: Yeah….you
knew it was getting bad when your fans are wearing t-shirts saying,
"Borrow my Pen Egan" while the back read, "Sign here you
cheap fuck." Coach Egan however, looks to be the Alan
Greenspan of finance compared to my horrible team this year…….Coach
Adams was obviously doing something other then studying - I don't know,
maybe joining the humanitarian fight against lawn darts. He
comes in with a strong QB then just refused to draft any help other then
Tomlinson. His WR’s are below average and unreliable week in and week
out. I also can’t like a coach that even considers James Stewart let
alone drafts him. S. Davis, what a horrible pick. He needs around 20
carries just to get out of bed to relieve himself. So it
looks like he'll be pissing on the floor with only 10-15 carries a
game. Coach Adams should bring out his rolodex of excuses
now. Be prepared for the dreaded, "I didn't know it was Sunday or my dog ate it." He’s going to need them all. You want to
talk about Manno?
Yeti: Yeah…and don’t
sugar coat it about Coach Adams next time Shanny. Coach Manno's draft I did not like
one iota. I can’t like teams
with QB controversy. McNair already has back problems from carrying
this team and if Plummer is your back-up, you may as well grab a 20 out of
your wallet right now or get ready for the word Questionable to be common come Sunday morning.
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Coach Manno’s RB studs can’t help
him enough. He needs help at the WR position to keep up with the
power houses. Take that QB and try throwing to Coach Manno's
WR's. His WR's.....Hey Shanny - it's Dennis Miller.
Dennis, what do you think about Manno's WR's?
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| Dennis Miller:
For the record....John Madden sucks and can never replace me.
Where does he get all those eerie 6 legged Turkeys? Some
Turkey domicile for the genetic splicing experiments gone bad?
That big eye browed mother fucker. His eyebrows are bigger
then the Juice Mans....OK |
|
| Let me look at his WR's -
oh no......I should talk real
s l o w so Keysh can keep up with me. Coach Manno could
find better WR's in the rain forest of Brazil. Like Enoch
Herbert Crowder defenses will simply play 9
in the box with a wheelchair covering Keyshawn Jokeson.
Christ, I was at a recent celebrity football charity event in Walla
Walla where Oprah shut him the fuck down. D.J. is OK but can't carry the load
needed. Ohhh Alstott - you got to love Alstott. He's a
terrible fantasy player but......does he have Marshall Focher? I like to yell
that, FOCH, FOCH, FOCH. I got to go. Hey man, Monday Night Football will never be
the same without me...F that repetitive, aviatophobia, big eye
browed mother fucker. |
| Yeti, again: Wow.
That Dennis Miller sure hates Keyshawn and John Madden.
Mac
coaches an interesting team. How Coach Mac snatched Culpepper at #20
is beyond my comprehension. What a steal! He also carries the best
RB in the league, by far, in Marshall "Focher" Faulk. Take
Culpepper, Focher, and his shinny WR core and you have a great team.
However, this team will not win the whole thing due to Coach Mac’s
proven ineptness to win the big games late in the season.
|
2002
Yeti projected stats: 2500
yards from scrimmage 26 total
TD's |
Shanny: Telling me
not to sugar coat it Yeti? How about that Dennis Miller? My middle of the row teams are Beadling, Collins and
Rhode. Beadling could be a sleeper team. I think during the draft he
recognized that appalling players like James Stewart and Keyshawn
Jokeson where left so he took possible big pay-out players in Duckett, Green, and
Barlow. Coach Beadlings WR’s are completely capable and again I see
possible diamonds in D. A. and Jacquez Green.
|
2002 Yeti Projected stats:
1400 yards rec.
14 TD's |
 |
Coach Collins, believe it or not, needs an injury to
either Q. Ismail or Wayne. This will highlight the #2 receiver in Indy.
Take T.O., Gardner, and the #2 WR in Indy mixed with Dillon and patience
in Bennett equals a very strong team for Coach Collins. |
Coach Rhode comes in with a decent team. His RB’s are
interesting but he only has one WR. I can’t move Rhode up into serious
contention, especially with him harboring a terrorist. I see this team
faltering down the Rhode, no pun intended. However, my outright winner is
Coach Butz’s team. Warner is a serious stud! Not in a fag
way. All he needs to do is divorce that man wife. There
is plenty of running and receiving yards in those RB's (Hearst, McAllister
& Emmitt). Boston and Johnson are good but watch that Coles
fella in New York. Couch's elbow problems could hurt Johnson's
performance but I wouldn't be too worried. With a last name like Butz
- you know he has to be tough.
| Yeti: I see your
point but…..my AHT 2002 Champion is coached by Vincent. He must have
been listening to Tchaikovsky as this symphony of talent formed. He comes
in with a steal at QB right away. Brooks is a top 5 QB this year now that
they got rid of that stiff Ricky Williams. |
|
2002 Yeti
Projected stats:
130 catches
2,340 yards rec.
25 Td's |
Coach Vincent will be running
the ball with the likes of Eddie "Yes I’m Ready" George and
Portis who Shanahan is absolutely hypnotized by. Coach Vincent has seen
enough of Anderson and O. Gary – he knows they just suck. However, what
should alarm the shit out of you is his WR core. Oh my….do you have any
idea what this group of receivers will do?
Coach Vincent has 2 absolute studs with
a girl backing them up. MO$$, note correct spelling – hey…if
Prince can change his name to a sign – MO$$ can incorporate the
two, will end up with a Yeti projected 130 catches for 2,340 yards
and 25 scores. Moulds will try to keep up and underrated, under
appreciated, Wesley Walls will fill in nicely at the TE spot. One
thing I don’t understand about Coach Vincent is why he’s
carrying Jamal "Bust" Lewis and Terrell on his squad? He’s obviously
brighter then that. I don’t know, maybe he’s just advanced to
the point of keeping dead weight around to cut without hesitation. |
|
Top Ten Reasons Coach Valleau WON'T WIN |
| 10. The Duce won't be Loose. |
| 9. He likes the color Grey which is
barely a color. |
| 8. He hired Mac and Rhode. |
| 7. He drafts a better team then his own. |
| 6. He carries his lunch to work. |
| 5. Wuerffel will understand the playbook by the time he's out of contention. |
| 4. Sandals have become his primary choice for foot wear. |
| 2. Nobody should draft a player named Fraud Taylor. |
| So, there you have it. Hope you enjoyed. We will be
checking in around week 4 with updated opinions. Remember, these are just
opinions based on superior knowledge - don't you be go trading and
picking up players just because we done told you too. Good luck to
all!!!
Yeti /
Shanny projected finishing order and odds listed below:
|
| Butz – 7:2
Vincent – 7:2
Mac – 4:1
Valleau – 4:1
Rhode – 9:2 |
Collins – 6:1
Egan – 8:1
Beadling – 10:1
Manno – 12:1
Adams – 75:1 |
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