Ok, so I hooked up with this cool chick named Tessa and her b/f, Darren, right?  They paid me $1,000 to let them take pix of me and Tessa doin' the blood thing, right? HA! I just thought it was their fetish, right?  Fuck no! After that, they said I like was a "ghoul" to her.  I didn't really know what that was all about, but hey... plenty of cash and a place over my head, I wasn't complainin'.

Later on we get rounded up for this meeting in some mansion with a bunch of freaks and this "tall, dark and handsome" type, named Sebastian.  Shit man, he was getting all in my face because I didn't know the whole score yet!  Dick.

He tells me how they're vampires and by now, I know better than to laugh in his face.  He puts a vote out to everyone about letting me live or not.  Can we say "pencil dick"?  Anyways, lucky for me, everyone said I could live and Simon said I wasn't allowed to stick with Tessa anymore.  I was supposed to hang with this dog-faced guy named Mik who even had a tail to be taught stuff!  Gee.... isn't THAT sexy?

Doggy-dude never taught me jack shit.  Don't it figure?  He didn't wanna bother with me.  Everyone is so damn egotistical in Mesa.... anyway....

It just went downhill from there, ya know?

I got bored hangin' by myself, so I jumped a bus to New Bremen.  OMG, there was this G-O-R-G-E-O-U-S dude on there and he sat with me for the ride.  All punked out and spikey blonde hair with facial piercings.  He gave me the shivers!  We talked, made friends, and when we got to New Bremen, he offered to let me stay at his place.  I was ready to crash, so I said yeah.

Well...we snuggled a little and it got a little hotter than I'd planned.  It also got so ugly!  God, he hurt me so bad...  I never wanted that.  But he didn't stop with that.  He was one of them, too.  And he did stuff to me that I can't even describe... like melting flesh and stuff...

I was only with Rahowa Parioh for like two nights before he made me what I am now...

Maybe God doesn't really exist afterall...