Going to grandma's room I finished folding my clothes.  Then picking them up I returned to the kitchen.  My mother was gone.  Going to the kitchen door and looking down the stairs I could see through the downstairs' storm door, my mother and Ed were standing outside talking.  They had been arguing about something but when they had seen me they had turned and started walking towards the car.
    The grocery store was about two blocks from Howard's.  When we had gotten there Ed had parked the car, then turning to me in the back seat said, "You stay here and we will be back in a few minutes." With that they had gotten out and went into the store.
    Sitting there for about a half hour, I watched people going in and out of the store.  Nevada was a small town and it seemed most people did their grocery shopping on Saturday.
    When Ed came out of the store I jumped out of the car, the car being a two door car, I had held the passenger door open for him to place the two sacks of groceries he was carrying on the back seat.  As Ed was about to put the sacks in the car he told me, "Your mother has another sack of groceries.  Go get it."
    I had noticed he hadn't called me by name and the tone of his voice told me a lot.  I had a feeling he didn't like me too well and felt the argument they were having at Howard's was about me.  I had the feeling he didn't really want me around.
    Running to the door of the store I felt good I could do something useful.  Quickly opening the door I went inside and saw my mother standing by the check-out counter.  There was a boy about my age talking to her.  She had said something to him and pointed towards me.  He had turned and seeing me walking towards them he had turned back to my mother said something then walked away.
    "What did he want?" I had asked as I walked up to my mother.
    "He works here.  He wanted to carry the groceries out to the car for me but I told him you would do it."  She had answered then turning to the counter and half picking up the sack of groceries that was sitting there, "Here you take this bag of groceries out to the car and give it to Ed."  Picking the bag up I followed my mother out to the car.
    Ed was already sitting in the car and it didn't look like he was going to get out.  So my mother opened the door for me and I put the sack of groceries on the back seat with the other two sacks that were already there then I climbed in beside them.
    As my mother had sat down on the front seat and closed the door she said, "Ed, you could at least have gotten out and helped the boy."
    "Why?"  He replied.  "He's a big boy, he might as well start learning how to do some work."  With that he put the car in reverse and backed away from the curb.
    Sure I thought, I didn't see anything wrong with that.  After all I was almost fifteen, I felt I was a big boy and I liked to work.  For working hard I felt everyone would like and accept me, and to me that was very important.
    Arriving at home Ed drove the car in the driveway but instead of stopping at the back door where it would have been easier to unload the groceries he had driven on further towards the garage, stopping a few feet from the doors.  As he was getting out of the car he told me, "Carry the groceries in for your mother."  Then to my mother, "I have to do some work on the car.  Let me know when supper is ready."  It was now about three o'clock in the afternoon.
    Carrying one sack at a time it took me three trips to get the groceries in.  By the time I had gotten them in my mother had the laundry ready to be carried down stairs.  Picking up the laundry soap and bleach she said, "Bring all of the laundry down and put it by the washing machine, I'll sort it down there."  With that, she had gone to the door of the apartment and out into the hallway where she had reached down and pulled up a trapdoor revealing the stairway to the basement.
    As I brought the last armful of laundry down I asked, "Is it all right if I go out and watch Ed work on the car?"
    "OK but don't go anywhere for I'll need you to carry the wash out to the clothes line when I'm done washing."  She had answered as she poured the soap into the first machine load.
    "I'll be right by the car."  I had replied as I crossed the basement to the stairs.
    As I came out of the door of the house, I seen Ed had his tools out and the hood of the car up.  I had never seen a car engine before let alone someone working on one.
    He had taken a wrench and was bending over the fender as I walked up to the car.  "Can I help?"  I asked, trying to see what he was doing.
    "Stay out of the way and don't be touching any of my tools."  Was his quick and sharp reply.  But within seconds he had told me, still bent over the fender.  "Hand me those spark plugs."  He had motioned with his left hand towards the front of the car.
    I didn't have the least idea what a spark plug looked like but I didn't want to tell him that because then he would know I didn't know anything about cars.  I felt, spark plugs were some part of a car and I knew what tools looked like so I looked around for something that didn't look like a tool.
    Laying on the ground by the tool box was something that didn't look like a tool so I picked it up and was handing it to him when he said, "No, that's a filter, those are spark plugs," pointing at a sack in front of the car.  The way he had sounded and acted, he didn't think too much of my intelligence.
    "I'm sorry, I thought you said filter."  I lied, knowing as I said it he didn't believe me.
    I picked up the sack and looked inside of it to see what spark plugs looked like and then I laid them on the fender beside him.
    His attitude had been depressive to me.  I wanted him to be my friend and I couldn't understand why he couldn't be.  I wanted to go away some place so I could be alone but I didn't know of any place I could go.
    Looking around I seen a tree in the back yard.  It was warm and I decided to go and sit under it until my mother called me to help her with the wash.
    Sitting under the tree I thought, "I wish I was back at the training school, at least there Mr. Parker liked me."  Running away never entered my mind, maybe if it had I would have ran away and gone back to the training school.  I felt like crying as I laid down under the tree, burying my face in my arms.
    "Son, Son, wake up."  My mother had called me as she gently shook me.  I had fallen asleep.
    Seeing I was stirring she had gone on, "I want you to get the wash and bring it out here."
    My eyes felt red and moist.  Acting more groggy than I was, I put my hands over my eyes and rubbed them so she couldn't see I had been crying.  Getting up, I said, "OK."  But she hadn't heard me for she was now walking towards Ed, who was still working on the car.
    As I had gotten to the door of the house, I had looked back and I could see them talking about something.  Then again, it looked more like arguing.  And again, I felt it was over me.
    Going through the door I could tell my mother had started supper for I could smell food cooking in the kitchen.
    Going to the basement I found several baskets of clothes to be carried up.  Stacking one basket of wet laundry on top of another I found was to heavy for me to carry.  So taking one basket at a time I carried the laundry out to the clothes line in the back yard.
    As I brought the last basket out my mother said, "Take that one over to the other line and you can help me get everything hung."
    "Usually I have this all done in the morning then I can take it down in the evening." She had called over to me as I sat the basket of clothes on the ground.  Then continuing, "All of this will have to stay up until morning then you can help me bring it in."
    I had never hung clothes up before, but by watching my mother I quickly learned how it was done.
    It hadn't taken us very long to get all of the clothes hung up.  My mother had gone into the house a couple of times to tend to supper cooking on the stove.  As soon as we were done my mother told me, "Stack all of the baskets together and bring them in the house then you can get ready for supper."  Then turning towards the car and raising her voice again, "Ed, supper is just about ready."
    Ed, clutching a greasy wrench in his hand, had raised his hand above his shoulder to let her know that he had heard her.
    Stacking all of the baskets together I carried them into the apartment.  "Take them down to the bottom of the stairs and when you come up put the trapdoor back down." My mother had instructed me as I was about to sit the baskets on the floor by the couch.
    When I came back up to the apartment Ed was at the sink washing his hands.  Feeling uncomfortable and not knowing what to do I sat on the couch waiting for Ed to get done.
    When Ed had finished at the sink he went into the bathroom to dry his hands.  But I still waited for if I went to the sink Ed wouldn't be able to pass me as he came out of the bathroom.  That was how small the kitchen was.
    Coming out of the bathroom Ed got a plate from the cupboard above the sink and stopped at the stove to fill his plate.  When he had his plate filled he went to the table and sat down not saying a word to me but giving me room to get to the sink.
    The soap and the sink were greasy.  I turned the cold water on and let it run through my hands then after wetting my face I turned the water off and went into the bathroom to dry on a towel.  I found a clean one in the cabinet above the stool.
    As I was putting food on my plate my mother said, "Son, you sit at the table with Ed and I'll sit here by the couch."  I had been wondering where I was going to sit.  I was glad she told me for I hadn't wanted to ask.
    I avoided looking at Ed as I sat down but I could feel his eyes were upon me.  I had picked up my fork and was putting the first of bite food in my mouth when he spoke. "Howard said he would let you work for him so Monday morning you will go to work with me."
    Looking up, not at his eyes but his lips, a wave of feeling went through me, it felt good.  I would be able to show everyone how hard I could work.
    But before I could speak and tell how happy I was, he had dispelled that happiness. "If I have to buy your clothes," then pointing to my plate, "and you eating my food at least you can do is earn your own spending money."
    My eyes lowered and I gazed at the food on my plate.  The food that was in my mouth became difficult for me to swallow and tears were swelling up behind my eyes as I thought, "I'm eating his food," as though I had no right to.
    I tried to eat but I couldn't.  The more I thought the worse I felt.  Finally getting up from the table I said in a quiet voice, "Excuse me, I have to go to the bathroom," not knowing anywhere else to go.
    My mother had been siting in the chair by the couch, eating and reading a magazine and hadn't heard a thing.
    Going into the bathroom I closed the door.  Lowering the cover on the stool, I sat down trying to get control of my feelings.
    Several minutes had passed before I had heard Ed yell, "What are you doing in there?  Get back out here and eat your food, it's getting cold."
    I stood up, wiping the tears from my eyes, then trying to act as though nothing was wrong, I opened the door and returned to the table.
    Ed was lighting up a cigarette, part of a pack of Chesterfields laid on the table by his plate.  I picked up my fork and continued to eat.
    He blew smoke across the table in my direction and asked, "Do you smoke?"
    "No Sir." I replied, thinking it made me sound small.  I had lied as I went on to explain, "I tried them once but they made me sick."  That had only made me feel worse for now I felt he would think I wasn't man enough to smoke.
    "Well I won't have to worry about you stealing my cigarettes then, will I?"  I didn't know if he had only been talking or what but it had sounded like a veiled threat to me to leave his cigarettes alone.
    Turning to my mother he asked, "Hey Sylvia, you about ready to go?"
    Getting up from her chair, putting the magazine aside she had been reading as she ate and with her plate in hand, "Just as soon as I get a pillow and blanket out for Larry." She answered.  With that she put her plate in the sink and went into the bedroom.
    "You do the dishes while we are gone."  He had told me as he snubbed his cigarette out in his plate.  Then picking up his pack of cigarettes he got up from the table and headed towards the door.
    "Yes Sir." Had been my only reply as I had glanced up and then back down to my plate.  I had never washed dishes before but I didn't want to tell him that.  I had washed lots of pots and pans in the butcher shop at the training school though.
    My mother came out of the bedroom with the blanket and pillow.  Laying them on the couch she said, "Son, it'll be late when we get back so you can go to bed when you want to."
    Ed was going out the door as she picked up her cigarettes and lighter from the end table by the chair she had been sitting in.  As she had gone out the door she had called back, "Turn out the lights when you go to bed, Son."  I hated having her calling me that.
    Finished eating, I got up from the table and scraped all of the plates off in the trash can by the refrigerator.  Then putting them in the sink I took the rubber stopper and plugged the drain.  Then after turning the hot water on I returned to the table for the glasses and the silverware also putting them in the sink.
    After failing to find any soap on the top of the sink or in the cupboard above the sink, I notice a curtain hanging across the opening beneath the sink.  I pulled the curtain back, on a shelf sat a bottle, it said, "Dish Washing Soap."
    Picking the bottle of soap up, I unscrewed the lid and seen it was about half full.  I wanted to be sure I got the dishes clean so I poured most of it in the sink.
    I took the rag that was hanging on the front of the sink and put my hand in the water finding it was too hot.  Turning the hot water off I turned the cold water on.  By now, there was an awful lot of suds, almost to the top of the sink.  But I left the cold water run until the suds were about to go over the top of the sink.  The water was still pretty hot but there wasn't any more room in the sink for more cold water so I washed the dishes the best I could without burning my hands.
    After washing each item I would try and wipe as much of the suds off I could and then place it on the table.  When the first sink full of dishes were done I took all of the pans on the stove and put them in the sink to soak.
    Taking the dishtowel from the rack by the bathroom door I wiped the rest of the suds off of the dishes the best I could then put them in the cupboard, putting the silverware back in the drawer.
    The pans were not all that easy to clean.  But as I cleaned each one I would take the towel and wipe it out and place it back on the stove.  Once the pans were done I pulled the stopper from the drain and proceeded to the table to wipe it off as the sink drained.  Getting the suds to go down the drain wasn't too easy but once I found that cold water helped I didn't have too much trouble in cleaning the sink.
    Once the sink was clean I wiped up the floor in front of the sink and the stove and around the table with the dishtowel.  I returned to the sink, wrung the dishrag out and hung it over the front of the sink.
    The towel by now was almost black.  I tried to rinse it out under the tap water but that hadn't helped too much so wringing it out I also hung it over the front of the sink to dry.
    I had stood back and checked to see that I had done everything.  Seeing the dish soap still out, though most of it was now gone, I picked it up and returned it to it's place under the sink.
    It was now almost seven o'clock.  It hadn't started getting dark yet but I was getting sleepy.  At the training school, we had always gone to bed at eight o'clock and never before.  Here at home there wasn't anyone to keep me from going to bed early.
    So after spreading my blanket out I stripped down to only my briefs and crawled under the blanket.  It was hot and at first it was hard to fall asleep but it felt good to be alone.
    I had woke up.  I could feel the light in my face but I pretended I was still asleep.  I had kicked the covers off and was laying on my back with one leg off of the couch.  My mother covering me up with the blanket had awaken me.
    I could hear Ed flushing the stool and then coming out of the bathroom say, "Leave the boy be, he'll just kick the covers off again."
    "Well I don't like seeing the boy lay there that way."  I heard my mother say.  They had been drinking for I could smell the strong odor of beer.  They both seemed to be in a fairly good mood.
    "Why, does it make you horny or something?"  Ed had asked, with a slight chuckle in his voice.
    "Ed keep your voice down or you are going to wake the boy up.  Anyway I don't like you talking that way."  My mother had lowered her voice to barely a whisper.  By now my mother had finished covering me up and her and Ed were walking towards the bedroom.  As the living room light had gone out I had heard Ed make some crack as to how he knew my mother would like to see what was inside my briefs.
    I could hear them still talking in the bedroom but I could only catch a phrase now and then.
    Pretending I was still asleep, I rolled onto my side then slitting my eyes slightly, though I couldn't see into the bedroom from where I was laying, I could see that the bedroom light was still on.
    The light went out and I soon heard the bed squeaking then my mother's voice in almost a normal tone, "Not so loud Ed or he will wake up and hear us."
    I could hear Ed talking in a lower voice but I couldn't make out what he was saying.  After several minutes it became quiet in the bed room.
    I was very naive about what I had heard and very impressionable.  I had laid there trying to imagine what they were doing.  From what I had heard I could see my mother felt a lot stronger about him than she did about me.
    I had even thought, as I fell asleep, if my mother would love me that way we wouldn't need him.  But I knew that could never be for he was older than I was and he could give her a lot of things I couldn't.
    The next morning I had awakened about six by the clock that sat on the end table.  I had kicked the blanket off again and it was laying on the floor in front of the couch.  Though I wasn't cold, I had quickly reached down and pulled the blanket up over me.  Looking around I could see and from the sounds of Ed snoring that my mother and him were still in the bedroom sleeping.
    I got up, keeping the blanket wrapped around me, I got a pair of new briefs, T-shirt, socks and a new pair of jeans from out of the box at the end of the couch.  Going into the bathroom, I closed the door and took my briefs off.  After adjusting the water in the shower, I took a bath.
    Coming out of the bathroom I was fully dressed except for my shoes and they laid over by the end of the couch.
    Ed was siting at the table in his T-shirt and baggy briefs, waiting for the coffee to finish perking.
    I was sort of embarrassed as I walked past him towards the couch, keeping my eyes downcast and slightly away from him.
    "Do you have to make so much damn noise when you get up?"  For some reason when I had come out of the bathroom I knew that he wasn't in a good mood.
    I had continued on to the couch without saying anything.  I was picking up one of my shoes when he had turned slightly in his chair, with one arm on the back of the chair, the other on the table he said, "On Sunday mornings we sleep late around here.  So if you are going to take a bath you do it before you go to bed."
    Still with my eyes downcast, slipping the first shoe on I had replied, "I'm sorry Sir, I thought...."
    He interrupted me, "That's your damn problem kid, you sit around thinking too much.  You'r too damn quiet for me and I don't trust a quiet kid."
    The coffee had finished perking and he had gotten himself a cup and filling it had asked me, "Do you want a cup of coffee?"
    I had quickly looked up at him, he almost sounded friendly, "No Sir, I don't drink coffee."
    "Well you'll never grow hair on your chest if you don't drink coffee."  My spirits had perked up some for it had almost sounded as though he was joking with me.
    "I don't want any hair on my chest."  I had said with a trace of a smile on my face.  Maybe things would be all right.
    "Ya, well I noticed you don't have hair anywhere else either.  I suppose you don't even have hair around your pecker yet."  That did it.
    I had finished tying my last shoe.  I had gotten up from the couch as though I hadn't heard what he had said, turning towards the door I said, "I think I'll go outside for a while."
    I was sitting in the back yard with my back against the tree when my mother came out. "Son.  You can get the baskets out of the basement and take all of the clothes down."
    Getting up from the ground I had said without looking at her, "OK."  I hadn't addressed her as "Mother," "Mom" or even "Mam."  Even though I was very conscious of the omission it was something I couldn't do.
    She had gone on to say, "By the time you have all of the clothes in the house I'll have breakfast ready."
    I had gotten the baskets from the basement and took all of the laundry down, throwing the clothes pins in a bag.  Then I took all of the baskets of laundry in the house and sat them on the floor in the living room near the couch.  By then Ed was already at the table eating, my mother was still at the stove.  She was putting some eggs and bacon on a plate for me.  My milk was already on the table where I was to sit.
    As I approached the table Ed leaned back and looked past me, "Don't you know how to fold clothes? All of my shirts are going to be wrinkled."
    My mother had said in somewhat of a disgusted voice, "Don't worry Ed, I'll get them out and hang them up."  Then to me, "Here Son, take your plate and sit at the table."  Pointing to the chair were the glass of milk sat on the table.
    My mother was still eating and Ed had gone into the bathroom when I had finished eating and had gotten up from the table and after placing my things in the sink I told my mother I was going outside.
    She had asked me if I had enough to eat, I had told her I had, even though I could have eaten another egg or two.  But I didn't want to bother her and after all, I wasn't feeling too good about eating his food.
    I was still sitting in the back yard when my mother and Ed came out of the house.  Ed was dressed in his good clothes, my mother was dressed in slacks.  My mother said as they walked towards the car, "Son we're going over to some friends.  If you get hungry there are some things in the refrigerator.  We'll be back after a while."
    “You do the dishes while we are gone.  Try and do a better job this time for the food didn't taste right this morning for some reason or another.”  Had been Ed's parting orders to me.  With that they had gotten into the car and left.
    After doing the dishes, the same way I had done them the night before, I spent the rest of that morning sitting in the back yard, once in a while I would go into the house then back out again.  I really didn't know what to do.  I didn't know anyone or anyplace to go.
    It had been around noon when I had decided to get something to eat.  I went into the house then going to the refrigerator I opened it.  There was some bread, milk, some lunch meat and there were several bowels of leftovers, among bottles of ketchup, mustard, butter and such.  None of it seemed to be what I wanted.
    Earlier I had noticed in the cupboard above the sink was a box of pancake mix.  I had gone to the cupboard, opened it and as I was taking the pancake mix out I notice the bottle of syrup so I had taken it out too.
    Sitting at the table I read the directions on the box.  It sounded simple so I got a bowl and other things I needed to make the pancake batter.
    As I was about finished making the batter, I was thinking, "Whenever you had pancakes you always put syrup on them why not put the syrup in the batter?"  So that is what I did.
    Ed was very unhappy when he came home that afternoon and saw a burnt pancake glued to the bottom of the frying pan.  If it hadn't been for my mother the least he would have done would to have been to slap me around a bit.  Boy was he mad.  The language he was using was something I wasn't accustomed to hearing from an adult.  The only time I had heard some of the words he was using was the time at the juvenile home when they were trying to put the handcuffs on me so they could take me to the reform school.

    You are now at the end of chapter Twenty-Five.  I would appreciate any comments or questions you may have at this time.  It is very important to me as to what others think, for there has been a considerable amount of work put into these pages.  I again wish to remind you, the data you see within all of these pages is covered by U.S. Copy Right.  Which means you can copy it for your personal use only.  I do not profit by any of this, my only reward is the satisfaction of doing it, the feed back from others, that this boy's life may never be forgotten and maybe it will make a difference in some other child's life.  It is here for you to freely read and to enjoy, if that is the word I should use.

You can E-mail me if you prefer at [email protected] but I would prefer you wrote your comments in the guest book for all to see.  The entrance to my GUEST BOOK is in Geocites. There you will have a choice of viewing or entering comments.  Please return to the Index thus to Chapter 26 when completed.