Andrew Divoff Caption Contest

The idea is I give you a picture and you come up with some sort of a caption for it, the funnier the better. It can be something you think they're saying in the pic or just something you think fits in with the theme, I don't care, just keep in mind that Fortunecity here doesn't allow me to have any obscene material on the site so keep it civil. ;)

I've listed some of the captions I've come up with, feel free to email me any other suggestions you have at [email protected] If the caption is by someone else I've named them after it, or somewhere around it.
The prize for the contest? Hmmmh... Would the title of the goofiest fan around suffice? ;) Fame and a "Nyks' Badge of Approval" also in the picture, have to see now. :)

I had no part in getting these pics on the Net, btw, I've listed the places where I found them at the bottom of the page. Do check the sites out, especially Mr. Divoff's Official Site .
This is all meant to be more or less funny, as in humorous, to be taken light-heartedly, so absolutely NO OFFENCE is meant naturally. We've all got different senses of humour, this happens to be part of mine, take it or leave it. Please, don't whine to me if you think this is offensive to Mr. Divoff, that I should have more respect or whatever, only problem I see with all of this is the copyrights, but that's something I don't want to go into right now. ;)

I have not seen ALL the movies from which the photos have been taken from, I've only read about them and seen the pics. I find that this has nothing to do with making up captions for them, though, in fact it may even help at times.

"Officer? Come quickly, a fan of mine just came up with an idea for a caption contest!"
Or alternatively "Come quickly, officer, the fans from my Official site just showed up at my front door!" ;)

"I've told you not to call me when I'm holding up hostages, Mom!"

By the time Cali noticed the Superglue on the phone, it was too late.

"No, doctor, I can't lift my elbow up even to 90 degrees."

"What's my favorite horrormovie? Wishmaster."

"Yeah, well I really do need to get a haircut, it's kinda grown out of its previous cut."

One from "Nyarii Thotep" (who I met on IRC while typing this up):
"Yeah Joe! There I was, laying in the front yard with Bob over me holding a Crowbar, No one told me his daughter was only 12!"

"Tacky-Interior-Decorators-R-Us, how may we help you?"

Here's 2 by Amulet:
"What do you mean, 'Is this the Andrew Divoff Love Line?'"
One of my personal favorites so far, I might add ;)

"Honey, come on! Not while the guys are here! Oh, all right! *KISS!*"

"What do you mean they want me to wear a dress in my next film? Odd, I did not know the film was about a bearded Russian lady from the backwoods of Siberia." (BoneDjinn)

"Ze 'airsalon, Jean-Pierre speaking, 'ow may we 'elp you?"

"No, doctor, I can't get it up to even 90 degrees. My elbow, that is." (Shame on you if you thought I meant anything else) ;)

"I'm gonna have to go, my toilet bowl beckons me" (Verina)

"No, I'm afraid Nyks can't come to the phone right now, she's making up more captions."

"Look, mom, I can fly!"

"I'm the king of the world!"

Want a tattoo on your chest but have problems with all that chest hair? Well forget your worries, come wax those hairs off at Salon Pierre. He did and look at the effect now!
(Sorry folks, had to be done...) ;)

Angel really hoped they'd get the usual scarecrow back in place soon

Unfortunately, his career as Peter Pan was short lived. (Nyarii)

Swan Lake had never looked more graceful or better

Divoff was really sick of all the things he had to do to get his deodorant to dry. (by Marrael, a friend of mine on IRC)

"Yeah, the one that got away was at least this big!"

Another 2 by Amulet:
"Whoa! The wind is strong today! Blew my shirt right off!"

"All right, all right, Ladies! You've seen one shirtless hunk, you've seen'em all! Now go back to your husbands!"

All those years at mime school payed off. Or Mary Poppins thinks she is so great with her flying umbrella, wait until she gets a load of Angel. (Bonedjinn)

o/~ "I'm too sexy for my shirt, too sexy for my shirt, so sexy it hurts..." o/~

"Uhh, I don't think it was my arms that the Viagra was supposed to keep up."

"Oh God, my backs gone, I can't move my arms!" (Verina)

"Come here, I wanna give you a hug"

"Friends, Romans, countrymen, lend me your ears..."

"Air Force One preparing to land"

"Big hug! Angel give Teletubbies big hug! *giggle* "

Mr. Demarest's timid YMCA performance left the Village People looking for someone better to join them on their tour still
("It's fun to stay at the Y... MCA..."? ;) )

The djinn saw it best to surrender to his fans in the end (wishful thinking?)

"And voil�, the world is black and white. What's your second wish?"

Stairway to Hell

"You Eeeeeediots!" (Nyarii)�

Look Mom, no hands...

2 more, again from Amulet:
"Wheeeee! I love riding the escalator with no hands!"
"Let's all do The Chicken Dance!"

Not being able to get his deodorant to dry, he switched brands. Bad idea, he was allergic to the new one. Fortunately that snappy turtle neck covers the rash nicely. (Bonedjinn)

Cinderella ran down the stairs without looking back.

"I told you mum, I have washed my hands ... see!" (Verina)

"Goodness me, how time flies, I must be off now."

"Hallelujah, father Demarest has arrived, praise the Lord!"

o/~ "Darling... stop confusing me with your WISHful thinking..." o/~ (Bj�rk: Play Dead)

You do the hokey-kokey...

The only toilet on Magic Island always had long lines outside of it

"Demonstrate how you do the bunny-hops again, won't you?"

"We seem to have gotten lost, anybody know which way the beach is?"

"I could have sworn we parked the ship here"

"Why did you get such a pretty red costume and all the rest of us got these rags? -Cause I'm the Captain, you dolt!"

"I think we're not in Kansas anymore."

"This is no time for the Chicken Dance you fool!!" (Nyarii)

2 more by Amulet:
"Horizontal stripes with vertical stripes? You have no sense of fashion, man!"

"We gonna pa-a-a-a-a-artay!"

"I hate it when my beard gets caught in my zipper" (Bonedjinn)

"Yo! MC Pirate & da posse in da house tonite!"

The pirate theme in this year's fashion was overdone by the gang once again.

"Who said this is supposed to be a fancy dress party, we're the only ones here!" (Verina)

o/~ "They come running just as fast as they can, cause every girl crazy bout a sharp dressed man..." o/~

"You think he's dead,fellas?"

The crew stood in admiration looking at Sleeping Beauty

The 4 stooges

Monday morning was always a grey affair when the crew returned to the studio

The Russians had never seen an American before and were staring in silence

The latest batch of X-Files extras proved to be the usual Gray lot again

Zombies had become better looking every year

Amulet strikes again, 2 more:
"What is it?"
"I don't know. Let's hit it with a rock!"

"Uh, guys? I thought you said this was a singles' bar!"
"It is."
"Then why is that guy in the corner kissing another guy?"

Romachenko (Mr Divoff's character) to the other three "I ain't cleaning that toilet. I'm not because I was not the last one to use it." (Bonedjinn)

The Star Trek Away Team was paralyzed by the midget locals.

"I never saw anybody do THAT even in those Swedish films..."

The Usual Suspects?

The naughty school boys have just been told they've got detention. (Verina)

"I really don't think the picture down below us is that funny."
"No, she's grasping for straws with all those pig-comments."

"I can't kiss you here in front of the others, I'm shy."

"Tonto, be prepared to flee with the pig, Lone Rider has to save the day again."

"I only have to look in your eyes and I know you're the man for me."

Another one from "Nyarii Thotep":
"So the two of them stood there in the police station, not sure as to why their ZZ Top costumes didn't impress anyone"

"I think I love you, so what am I so afraid of..." (Nyarii)

"Bob, I... I think Im pregnant" (Nyarii)

"You think our beards are impressive? You should see our mum."

"That's a really cool John Wayne-cardboard figure you got there, mister, you willing to sell it?"

2 more by Amulet again:
"Honest! I didn't know your daughter was 15!"

Sheriff: "Well boys, I'm waiting. We're not goin' nowhere till you kiss and make up!"

"OK Calvin. You got a deal. Me and Bear here will trade you this pig for a handful of those magic beans. (Jack and The Beanstalk Fable) (Bonedjinn)

"We were thinking of using Cartman's pig there but we don't know where to get the elephant from."

Pig: "Look, do I have to work with these people? My agent said nothing about being carried around by this big guy, for example."

Babe: "Uh, so when do the sheep come in the picture? Some sequel this turned out to be... "

Hawaian shirts went out of fashion a long time ago but no one dared tell the boss

"You sure this ain't something from the lab?"

Uncle Bob couldn't help but smile thinking of what he'd slipped in Billy-Bob's drink earlier

Calvin Klein's latest fashion catalogue seemed to be lacking in style this year

"Man, the quality control people have slipped. There is a finger in my beer. At least I hope that is a finger." (Bonedjinn)

"This beer looks very much like urine?"
"Does it? ...(snigger)" (Verina)

"To drink or not to drink, that is the question..."
"Could you moron please stop misquoting Shakespeare every chance you get?"

"These Airforce saunas really need some work on them still."
"So you don't think it's just cause we've still got our clothes on?"

"I see, so that's what happens when you hold your breath for too long."

"Look, I've said it before, this is the Ladiesroom, why can't you believe me?"

"Before you barge in next time, look for that sign that says occupied. And you women complain about men" (Bonedjinn)

"Oh my God, it's Andrew Divoff!! I think I'm gonna faint!"

"Damn! With all those terrorists out there we won't have any time to join the Mile High Club!"

"Oh God, you were fantastic!" (Verina)

"Errr... anybody ever tell you about mouth hygiene and how it's possible to get rid of bad breath?"

"Okay you get this Caption Contest off the Net or else...!"

Mr Divoff found the direct approach best when asking why he hadn't been paid for his last role yet

"Outta the way, I got me an alien to catch!" said the Man in Black in his undercover disguise

Used cars-salesmen often get unsatisfied customers dropping round to complain

Jack found it really annoying when the remote refused to work

Joe was accused of using intimidation in his used car sales... (Marrael)

"I SAID MEDIUM FRIES LARGE COKE! NOT LARGE FRIES MEDIUM COKE!" (Bonedjinn)

"Now how the hell did this phaser work again?!?!"

"I want this role ...... it's mine ..you hear ...MINE" (Verina)
(Would that be Don Quijote then?) ;)

"You get all my movies on TV now or I'm not gonna answer for what happens!"

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