Department of Defense to use guerilla tactics in airports
UPDATE: According to unpublished DOD reports obtained by Ultra-Paranoid, the US government's Deputy Secretary of Defense, John J. Hamre, has spearheaded an ultra-vigilant task force whose exclusive mission it is to find solutions for anticipating airport invasions by so-called "extra-terrestrial" aircrafts. This task force has apprently been in operation since June of 1998 when a flight control tower worker in Little Rock, Arkansas reportedly was unexpectedly abducted for a full sixteen minutes during her graveyard shift, causing one unreported wreck of a Federal Express delivery carrier and the death of three passengers, all of Indonesian descent.
Secretary Hamre has stated, off the record, that this sort of situation must be avoided in the future, and in junction with FEMA and the DOT, has been responsible for the development of new anti-invader lasers and defense systems. You may notice new hangars being built in your local airport; this is the work of Hamre and his staff as they seek "new and innovative ways of housing the most sophisticated poly-anodyne and toxi-carbolic weaponry seen by the vile and distracting citizens of the Alpha-Centauri Galaxy".
Stay away from machines
A private source has come forward to let us know that it may be wise to stay away from machines for 'the next several weeks'. Apparently they're lilely to get 'very dangerous', and while this is a very vague statement our source has proven himself to be reliable, having provided us with past insights on the crash of Flight 800 and the Pan-Am Lockerbie fiasco of the eighties (this from back in our zine days).
Those machines that are included in this 'Danger Manifesto' are laser printers, Xerox copiers and Document Centers, and automatic stapling systems, particularly those that are in some way integrated into the photocopier environment. Keep on the lookout, and let us know of any developments.
CIA secrets and the Hollywood connection
Actor-director Forest Whitaker is finding himself caught up in an intrigue he never expected nor can possibly deal with. While in Minnesota shooting his new film, "The Falconer," he had the crew dig a long canal so that he could shoot a highly dramatic tracking shot that would really offer some emotional force. But, in the process of upturning all this earth, the crew came across a very strange thing indeed. It was a large strongbox of sorts, firmly planted in the ground. After a lot of heaving and huffing they finally managed to get the buried shed open and were shocked at what they found inside.
Turns out it was a cache of weapons, loads of them, as well as an information retrieval system that managed to intercept what Forest Whitaker later learned were CIA communications. Much like the storehouses former KGB higher-up Vasili Mitrokhin has revealed the Soviets were planting all along the midwest.
Shouldn’t have been a problem for Forest if he had just reported the spectacular find to the local authorities. Unfortunately Whitaker apparently viewed some highly explosive materials, materials the CIA really wish he hadn’t. Whitaker was so freaked out he immediately stopped production on the film and left the set for his Holiday Inn in Brainerd. He has not been heard from since.
Authorities speculate Whitaker is in hiding – others speculate those same authorities put him in hiding. Whatever way you look at it, the man who last directed "Hope Floats" appears to have lost all hope. And who knows what he could have seen (it can’t have been much worse than "Hope Floats.")
Smart cards are getting too invasive
Trouble with the smart card technologies again. American Express has announced that it intends to develop its own smart card technology that allows users to order items over the internet much easier. Our friend Todd Howell tipped us onto these developments, with reams of documentation along with it, detailing the use and development of smartcards by various government agenies, like the military. These attempts, being made also by the Treasury department, smell like trouble to us here at Ultraparanoid. A smart card is a credit card sized computing device. Unlike the common magnetically striped credit card, a smartcard is capable of various storage, encryption and computing functions. Smart cards in use today are mostly 8-bit CPU processors. The new generations are 16-bit and 32-bit CPUs with as much as 1MB of memory. Typically, the actual operating system on the card itself is irrelevant to its function, and many manufacturers provide their own operating systems. This permits them to run multiple applications and do cryptographic functions.
Has Big Brother just made another major leap forward in tracking us down and hunting us like dogs? You be the judge. |
ULTRA-PARANOID: We're after you!