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Got our weapons sharpened, put on Odin's war coats, Fasten our new helmets, as we head out on the long boat!
Sailing towards the east coast of England, crash ashore in the morning dew,
We'll kill your warriors, take your maidens, your money, and burn a cloister or two!
We like Thor's bright lightning, his chariot of thunder, First we will out fight you, then we'll drink you six feet under!
Who would dare meet us broadsword to great ax, winged spear to broad linden board. Try your best but we cannot be vanquished, cause we're the Alewulf Horde!
And like a true Odin's child, we're all Bjorn, Bjorn to be wild, And we'll be laughing, fighting, drinking til we die!
Egil fought with Atli, disputing over land rights, Egil felt the blood haze, so he bit out Atli's windpipe!
Certain he's a bit psychotic, but sail with him and you'll never be bored,
When he's around he always follows our banner, he joins the Alewulf Horde!
Cause like a true Odin's child, he was Bjorn, Bjorn to be wild, And he'll be laughing, fighting, drinking til he dies!
Ivar, Bjorn, Baroosa, Ragnar, Thurlstan, Ulfgrim, Even Erik, Chul, and Gustav, and Tyrbjorn will join in,
If you see us Vikings acoming, best to fall on your own spear or sword,We'll take your women, your treasure, your life's breath, 'cause we're the Alewulf Horde!(repeat first chorus)
Bashing out my foes brains into the snow, My sword cleaves skulls in twain, slashing to and fro, Headless bodies twitch, Thor it's such a sight, What fun it is to ride and sing a slaying song tonight!(Chorus)
Oh, blood and guts, entrails too, turning white to red, What fun it is to hack and see my foes fall over dead. Oh, blood and guts, entrails too, turning white to red, What fun it is to slash and see my foes fall over dead.
The berserks are all here, foaming faces red, Not flinching at their wounds but laughing loud instead, Cause they're a jolly bunch despite what folks have said. I joined them in a friendly game of toss the severed head!(Chorus)
The fun has just begun, there's many more to kill, And I'll not sheathe my blade til Odin's had his fill, And that could take all night, the longest of the year, But then I'll fill my drinking horn and toast my deeds with beer!(Chorus)
My battle hardened blade smokes with steaming gore, So skalds will long recall my manly deeds of war, And if by chance I fall to spear or axes bite, I'll summon me a valkyrie and ride with her tonight!(Chorus)
In June of 1998 the Alewolves were formed, And terror filled the eyes of every French or English born, When they were walking separately each one was like a curse, But now that they're together things are infinitely worse.
Chorus:You've heard about the carnage wrought by Ghengis and his horde, You've heard of Vlad *Tepes who impaled without remorse, You've heard of Edward Longshanks who fought Wallace and the Bruce, But things are even darker now the Alewolves are loose!
Their dread chief's name is Thurlstan, he's a king of great reknown, And many the head's been caved in when he's brought the hammer down, If you grow weary of your life just call him out to war, He'll leave your village buried under body parts and gore!
Ulfgrim the Berserk's a beastly thug, a mighty man is he, With bloodshot eyes and arms like thighs and thighs as thick as trees, He's howling mad when the battle's on and Saxons turn to flee, He pulls the knights from off their mounts and breaks them over his knee!Chorus
Berusa is a deadly man, a Viking bold and crude, He fights like a rabid wolverine with a nasty attitude, If you screw up and piss him off and it's too late for brunch, He'll bite your windpipe, chew it up, and swallow it for lunch!
And Ragnar is a vicious rogue, a Norseman cold and cruel, When he sees some Franks he chugs a beer and hollars out for Bruel, Cigar in mouth and Bruel in hand he leaps upon his foes, He slices, he dices, makes Frenchmen fries, and feeds them to the crows!Chorus
Bjorn the Bear's a reaver stout in leather or in chain, To the ladies he's a lad of lust, to the Englishmen a bain, When he feels a thirst and no horn is near to slake his desparate need, He'll sever your head, clean out the skull, and fill it up with mead!
Now things are even darker for their French and English foes, The Alewolves met the Iron Wolves or so the story goes, They quickly formed a friendship, so when the trumpets sound for war, The Wolves all ride together and the English crap their drawers!Chorus:
You've heard about the carnage wrought by Ghengis and his horde, You've heard of Vlad Tepes who impaled without remorse, You've heard of Edward Longshanks who fought Wallace and the Bruce, But things are even darker now that all the Wolves are loose!*pronounced "Tsepesh"
There's a spear in him dear cuz he tried to take Bjorn's beer! Don't ever touch an Alewulf's beer, There's a corpse out on the grass, Ulfgrim split him jaw to ass, Don't ever touch an Alewulf's beer.!"
We're gonna keep drinking cuz that's what Vikings do, From Guiness Stout, to Kiafa, to fancy micro brew. There's a spear in him dear cuz he tried to take Bjorn's beer, Don't ever touch an Alewulf's beer!!"
Brains are splattered on the wall, freshly smashed by Thurlstan's maul, Don'ever touch an Alewulf's beer. There's a guy whose guts are torn, Berusa gored him with his horns, Don't ever touch an Alewulf's beer.!"
We're gonna keep drinking til Ian gives up sheep, And so we think it's safe to say we'll drink eternally, There's a spear in him dear cuz he tried to take Bjorn's beer, Don't ever touch an Alewulf's beer!!"
There's an armless, legless fool tried to take a beer for Brule, Don't ever touch an Alewulf's beer, Ragnar had him screaming plenty while he smoked his Aurturo Fuente, Don't ever touch an Alewulf's beer.!"
We're gonna keep drinking til Ragnarok is here, Then in one hand a sword, the other hand a beer, There's a spear in him dear cuz he tried to take Bjorn's beer, Don't ever touch an Alewulf's beer!!"
Ragnar and Berusa mixed up a potent brew, They poured in alcohol, dry ice, and perhaps a lime or two, Berusa donned his helmet and hollared to the crowd, "Shall I sacrifice these toads?" We screamed back, "Do it now!"!"
Chorus:Toad Juice, go and take a swallow (pronounced "swoller") Toad Juice, gonna make ya hollar, Toad Juice, bet ya a dollar that you'll be back for more!!"
Thurlstan took one look at it and said, "I'll kick its ass!" But after several horns our chietain's sleeping on the grass, Ulfgrim then proclaimed that he could easily drink more, But afterwards he saw things only Hendrix saw before.!"Chorus
Bjorn was not a bit impressed when he saw his fellows fall, So he swore with his heroic girth that he'd out drink them all, And after several horns he seemed like he would surely win, But then he coughed once to the left and brought each horn up again!!"Chorus
Ragnar and Berusa were not the least bit stunned, When they saw the toad juice fell the other Alewolves one by one, So they polished off that toad juice horn by horn without delay, And said,"If you want to drink this stuff, you've gotta be dwarven made!"Chorus
Ragnar Alewulf was a hell of a Viking, as he jumped off the Longship, his axe Brule was striking. Called he to the Saxons as they readied to flee, "There isn't a Saxon more WICKED than me!"
Berusa the Horrible stepped on to the shore, as grim as the Reaper he was ready for WAR. Spake he " Strike at my Twin and you're striking at me, soon all of you Saxons will be hanging from trees!"
Bjorn in his chain mail, leaped to the ground, The Saxons felt TREMORS for miles all around. He said "I see Saxons all lined up in rows, I'll strike with my spear and you'll be feeding the crows!"
Ulfgrim the Berserk screamed up the beach, hacking up Saxons who stayed in his reach. "My SWORD does my talking!" he said with a grin, His first Saxon head was cleaved to the chin!
Thurlstan the Dread thundered onto the strand, Pytr his Hammer flailed in his hand, the Chief of the Saxons he SMASHED like a nut, the only thing left you could see was his butt!
"ON ALEWULFS!!" he cried, as the chief Saxon died. "Remember our war cry!!!" As on he did stride.
"TO CRUSH OUR ENEMIES AND SEE THEM TO FLEE, HEARING THEIR WOMENFOLK WAIL "WOE IS ME!!"
On rushed the Alewulfs' to plunder and pillage, Bjorn by himself drank all the ale in the village!
The twins they did argue on who's turn 'twas to slay, and Brule had his bath, but not water that day.
Ulfgrim was joyful in the thick of the fray, mowing down Saxons as if they were hay.
Thurlstan came past them all laden with treasure, Odin himself couldn't add to his pleasure.( alternate verse-)
Thurlstan reclined on a huge pile of treasure, the wenches in front lined for his pleasure. "that one's too skinny, and that one's too old, I'll start with that saucy one with eyes flashing bold!
Toast to things five that all Viking's love, we'll shout till Thor hears in Valhalla above!
A toast to us all, and to great Vikings of yore, the number one Love is Glorious War! Close second behind, is Oceans of Gore! Third is the Plunder we get in Galore! Ale is not last, but by Thor, we WANT MORE!!! Last but not least, to say is no chore, Pray Vikings return to Lusty Wenches Ashore!
So Speaks Thurlstan!
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A poem for my Viking brothers
Give him to the fire and water
Send with him the things he'll call for again
Beer for cheer and tools for slaughter
Come Ragnarok, he'll need them then!
Requiem by Paladin
