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This site is supported by Fortune City, http://www.fortunecity.com I never could exactly explain why do these things, especially when my instincts and experiance tells me that they will go without reward or appreciation. Even so I do them. Whether it is the 40 inch by 30 inch pointilist pen and ink that took me a sleepless weekend to complete in high school, or this, four hundred and thirty some odd images strong together with sound and patience. The piece I am sending you is not really supposed to be titled, because a title indicates a begining and a begining indicates an end. Ideally, this piece has niether begining nor end but should proceed as a continuous loop. (Usually you can make your .avi viewer do this without to much trouble or simply make sure you press the play button soon after it has finished. Please let it play at least a couple of times, and if you can, several more...) For thoughs of you who are interested, a little about it's construction. I have no finances capable of securing the kind of programs that are used in even the low end scale of multimedia recording so all of the work was done with small freeware or shareware programs that I managed to scrounge off the net. Often these programs were never intended to do what I had in mind and required a great deal of creativity to force them into doing what I had in mind. Case in point, this graphic was made first as a animated .gif using 433 separate images that I hand manipulated on Paint Shop Pro. The images themselves where made with my trusty old 35mm and a crusty old scanner that the english department sometimes allows me to use. Because I have to use different lab computers, hardware and programs in different labs, all 400 images have been FTPed all across the internet (spread over four separate web accounts so that they could all fit) and FTPed to every major computer lab on campus. several times. They were assembled using a freeware program from microsoft called gif animator. Then they were converted in to .avi by a a program called GIF Movie Gear. The recording that was itself recorded by a two bit program, dubbed with the default windows 95 audio player and added to the .avi file by WavToAvi (another shareware program). Compression of the .avi file was executed by another program bringing it's total size down to about 5.5 mb (it started off at 14.2 mb). In order to reduce the size even more I would require the services of JASC Image Robot, a batch operating bot which could rapidly take each of my four hundred images and scale it down to a more appropriate size. The operations neccesary to complete the above required approximately 4 days of computer processing time and a swap file of more than 250 mbs. Which means that I had to clear that much space off my hard drive. It should also be noted that I had to network my own computers together to accomplish much of this. I don't know how long I spent actually inputing information and manipulating the files but I would guess that it was somewhere in the neighbor hood of 24-48 hours. Not much of that matters I guess, after all it is just 88.8 seconds in this version, but I thought I would try... Not only have I played around with Image robot but also several other very interesting compression schemes (real video, and emblaze for example.) but have not found a satisfactory means of reducing the file size. Thanks everyone for putting up with the intrusive use of bandwidth. I have talked to the Instructional Media Services here on campus and have gotten permission to use a computer projection device should I wish to include the film as a part of the spring show. Wish me luck. I have added a new comment. |
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| Comments:
Thank everyone who has responded. It always helps justify the energy already exerted on the project and direct future energies. If you wish to download the native file it can be accessed here. Click on the comment you wish to see: 1 2 3 4 5 |
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| Subj: empty
Date: 97-11-19 12:04:02 EST From: [email protected] Overall I like the darkness and despair. You really know how to capture it with in this peice of work. But there are a few things within it that threw me off or distracted me from focusing on the "big picture" or the whole thing. When you say "I long to cry, but my tears are spent.. I long to try but my hope is gone..." The rhyming of "cry" and "try" made me focus in more on those words specifically and made me miss the others within those sentances. And not having "spent" and "gone" rhyme didn't make it flow as easily. I don't know if this was your main purpose or not.. it could go either way. I can see how the distraction of the unrhyming words can make you focus more on the words itself. But I did have to watch it a few times and look specifically at those phrases to catch them. When you say "I didn't do it", I don't know if this is just me specificly, but I thought not of what you meant, but just what the words represent in our society in this day in age. Innocence of a crime.. and that too threw me off. The breathing was a good add on. It made me feel like I could relate more. Even though it wasn't me, it made me feel like I was there breathing. Which made me feel the despair/emotions even more. It made me feel like I was the one getting in to the bath tub and turning on the water and sitting in it watching my reflections and feeling the emotions of being cold and empty. The same with "I look at my reflection scattered in the waves". It made me think of myself sitting in a tub and seeing my own face in the water.. which made me able to relate more to this. When you talk about one last haunting hope.. I didn't quite understand. Did it mean your last hope to be happy, which was implied before, or something else? The word haunting also threw me off. The way you had the single words "faintly" and "nervously" added with a fast picture shown caught my attention and was very nicely done. It made me think about exactly what you meant.. or better yet what I interperted you to mean. Overall it was simple, to the point, and gave a strong message that captured the mood of your want of happiness and how you seem unable to reach it. I liked it a lot |
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| Subj: Response to your piece
From: <[email protected]> Date: Thu, 20 Nov 1997 21:33:07 (Excerpt: A character from a story ) "Dark thoughts converging.
[end of excerpt]
About your piece. It reminds me of how alone we all feel in a world
that really isn't too far removed from anyone elses. Trapped in a wash
of lonliness when six inches away through a shell of plaster and wood sits
another lonly soul, knife in hand, realising the smell of the carpet, the
mildew, the ticking of the clock he stole from his mother, some fuzzy thoughts
of a memory that isn't truly a memory, a memory of a photograph.
But it will have to do. His father standing with an odd smile next
to a plastic christmas tree, shackled in plastic tensil adorned with plastic
bulbs, the small wooden clock tacked askew on the stained wall behind him.
And sorry enough, the only memories he has, the only reminders are only
that, reminders. Nothing really taken or gained or incorporated from
the man in the photo at all, except he supposes, the things that crossed
over in the blood. His love of grapes, his big mouth, his thin brown
widows peak.
And from that, a new creature is born. A place you can never go
away from unchanged. A rebirth. Water has always symbolised
that to me. Life, renewal, change, motion, comfort. I was born
under the water sign, in the water of life, out of blood. And I don't
think that leaving the bathtub is leaving "where this guy is at".
I don't think that a "no" means you have moved on. But when you have,
when you truly have gone on from that. You have started a new begining.
And the beginning is what intrigues me.
"I didn't do it." sounded to me like you didn't kill yourself.
It sounded like defeat. Like you wish you had but now here you are,
floating along in this canoe on a river, cold as hell, and hungry, fingers
numb and
I liked the draining at the end with the black screen. It gives a little time to contemplate, to take it in. Sound is very emotional. It urges on feelings that we would normally try to supress. The water does this for me. It didn't make me feel like I was getting in the tub and turning on
the water. I didn't feel like I was there, because I wasn't.
And saying so would mean I'm saying I know exactly what you were feeling
and it's ok
The quick zoom in on the russet stains was good. Implied motion. Focusing in on thoughts. I also like the slight tone of the pics, a splash sepia moodiness. I guess you could go into the tub as a metaphor. "empty"
like tub. Then the stopping off of the flow of something. Be
it expresion or affection, whatever, the the gradual filling and release,
as if the thought of
And as far as "inability to reach happiness", I think this IS a model of happiness. Not traditionally, of course, but to experience one extreme, one must experience the other. The further one way, the further the other. Mediacrity breeds mediacrity. Grey in grey. Contrast is the beginning of seperation. To reach despair implies the ability to achieve elation. (and Understand it). The beauty of the human condition Sorry for the ramble. Bottom line: I liked it. Better than most video pieces I've seen. You know how I hate video art stuff, but this worked, justified the medium for me. And there wasn't even any motion except fade and implied motion. If you shot it on super 8 I bet it wouldn't work as well. Good luck on your next one (teehee). |
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| Subj: You don't know me but...
From: [email protected] Date: Sun, 23 Nov 1997 Hello... My name is Ali Potvin... I am a friend of Sarah McDowell. She informed me that you had a really grovy photo project on the internet and that I ought to look at it. She also told me that I would be able to respond to it by pushing a button on the page or something, but I h could not find any such button to manipulate. In an effort to save me from distress, she has given me your email address so that I can ask you how the rest of it works... I really loved the photo/text project, too... I just figured out that it has sound concepts... nice sound, too... I just figured out that it has sound today... I showed it to some people here (baltimore), too and it was recieved with both distress and adoration... you got a whole spectrum, there... alright, I just wanted to sa I liked your project... best to you,
Ali
<editors note: Ali recieved an early URL that I created
for my class which included only the actual file without these HTML Extensions> |
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| Subj: Empty
From: [email protected] Date: Sat, 23 Nov 1997 I don't think that compared to the othe comments that this will be postable. Since I know the creator I have a bit of an advantage (or disadvantage depending on how you look at it) over the previous comments and any future comments. I found the piece very sad. Like I said maybe it is becuase I have a little insight into what it is suppose to be about. I thought that the "bllood" was very realistic and the sound worked well with the peom and picture, especially since it cyclled like the film did. What I mean by that is that you get to hear the wate filling the tub and then it is being emptied only to be filled again. Actually it is kind like life id you want get deep about it. Everything in life fills up before it is let out. Take your first day out of the womb, your lungs fill with there first gulp of air before you let the breath of life back out usually in the form of one hellacious scream. As with birth there is the final breath that fills your lungs only to be let out in order to fulfill the universal destiny of death. As for the actual poem I have always admired your work although, much to my relief, this one was much easier to understand. (ie.: I didn't have to break out the dictionary) I did see what the first commentor said about the "I didn't do it" it could be seen in more than one way (as most things you write can be) which kinda brings me back to my orginal emotion sadness. I think Sadness is the best word for it because there even though you did not "do it" it seems as though there was a great loss in you even if was not the your life. I think that maybe your physical life stayed but your mental and emotional life changed forever (the psych major coming out in me). Just a thought but I think that when a person reached to point of suicide or even serious thought of something has to change. Especially if you "don't do it". There is a point where a person breaks and when you build yourself back up it is inverably different (at least slightly) than what you where before. The peice I believe was very good, allthough I had a hard time seeing it as it should have been seen, I did not find myself in the role of the person I saw the artist in that role so in that since I think that it would have been a good thing to show a shadow in the waerm but since it was intended to be seen through the eyes of the viewer I can see where this would not be a good thing to do. So I have elaborated much more than perhaps should. I hope that it is adequaate and that maybe someone see's something in it that I had not before. |
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| Subj: Empty.
From : [email protected] Date : 2-24-98 The E-mail well i finally got to view the movie.....was curious to see it after i had read the decription of how it made and others comments........i was shocked to say the least when i viewed it.seen it 3 times. was quiet here and no distractions so i was able to focus only on what i saw......i felt your dispair and the pain and yes that final cry out for help.i wanted to reach out and pull you close to my breast and to tell you every thing was alright....but i couldnt reach you so i cried..what is it that is within all of us that pushes us to the point of destruction and pushes others over the edge?what goes through their minds at that point that decides their fate? i hope that it was a turning point for you and that you continue to climb upwards...every life is precious......never look back......im glad you didnt do it........ Online Conversation 4/21/98 05:45 PM (Fran): i got it.i got it.........dear god in heaven im crying it moved me so much.........hope u got an A+ talk to u later............. 4/22/98 11:33 AM (Fran): hi i sent u email........dont think it good enough to put on paper but i told you how i felt.......i've had 2 people closdo this.one survived and the other one didnt.......guess it brought it all back.........the one was a girl upset over boyfriend dumping her..she oknow...she went up on mountain on xmas eve and cut her wrists....they found her but just in time.seems the snow kept her alive............the other was a man 40 yrs old...was a complete shock to everyone including his wife or so she says.......he shot himself in his study......he was a counsell for high school kids..........nices person you ever want to meet............. 4/22/98 11:33 AM (Steve): Maybe you should talk about that in you letter? 4/22/98 11:34 AM (Fran): u mean my friends............dont know...upset me especially the guy.knew him and family very well.........im not good with words..... 4/22/98 11:35 AM (Steve): It is a hard topic to deal with, it makes words hard to come by. 4/22/98 11:38 AM (Steve): I was thinking that I might get a computer projector from the school here and set it up in one of the galleries, do you think I should? 4/22/98 11:42 AM (Fran): i know but when it happens to someone u know makes it more real reading about someone else and there problems.......that was so errie felt almost there.......... 4/22/98 11:43 AM (Steve): I have never had anyone close committ suicide, so I don't know. I imagine you have somewhat of a unique perspective on the peice. 4//22/98 11:46 AM (Fran): yes i think it would be a nice idea...............it would let someone else who is keeping their problems hidden see how it is and could be............might save ione person and that would be worth it.......... 4/22/98 11:47 AM (Steve): You should take yourseld off N/A mode, it is slowing my messages to you. I am kind of hestistant to make it that open. Everyone invariably question my state, how I am, but I think I will do it. 4/22/98 11:47 AM (Steve): Is it ok if I post this? 4/22/98 11:49 AM (Fran): well it hit home......makes me wonder if i or we had known we could have saved my friend.........its got to be the worst feeling being there alone and thinking their is no way out...jeezz it could only have been done by someone who has been there.......... 4/22/98 11:49 AM (Fran): how long ago...do it bother u to talk about it.........i really would like to know.....u dont know me so that would make it easier...yes i wonder too if u are all right..something a mother would feel,u know.........do it .i think u should..... 4/22/98 11:50 AM (Steve): It isn't a pleasant experiance, but I rather agree with what second responce said, pain is how we define ourself, our depths. I don't think you should try guess whether or not you could have saved him, my experiance is that only he could have. I am sure, as a matter of fact I can no other situation, that you provided him with a caring friendship, and thats all you could have done. The actual moment was about 3 1/2 years ago, and I think, for better or worse, I over it. 4/22/98 11:55 AM (fran): glad i am for those words...........always wondered if people think like that forever and if situation comes up would they consider doing it again.....my friend was always happy..i watch that now in someone who is just too happy....life is what u make it and its never easy.i dont think it was meant to be....u have to strive to be happy and push yourself back up when u down..............got to be stuborn just like me and this cp.i wont let it get 4/22/98 12:00 PM (Steve): How can you say your not goot with word when you speak so well? I aggree, it not supposed to be too easy. That would be just as bad as to hard. I don't remeber who, but someone defined life as a struggle and death as the end that struggle. That means that you can be dead before you die. I think you ideas are very valid, you have to be able to do it yourself. 4/22/98 12:03 PM (Fran): the best of me..........i realize some people have more problems than some but i think they themselves bring it on by not just accepting what comes their way and not fighting to get what happiness they can out of life...........one day at a time..........my motto and i have gotten this far...............this is true but people dont realize that they dont have to be alone all they have to do is reach out..there will always be someone there......but everyone does have to fight their inter battles themselves but friends help or just another human being somewhere who u can relate too...makes u feel u not alone......noone is ever really alone.you should never have gotten me on this subject.......i can argue or agree all day long...lol 4/22/98 12:04 PM (Steve): It's hard to reach out, well, maybe hard is not the proper term. Often you think, maybe rightly so that you are reaching out but they people you a seeking help from either don't understand, or believe what you are telling them. Often they don't understand the depth of you feelings, and who could unless you have been there? Society doesn't make it easy either, suicidal tendencies are diagnoses for insanity and are sinful in religous circles, making it very difficult to express these things. 4/22/98 12:05 PM (steve): Unfortunately I have to go to class, can continue this later? 4/22/98 12:06 PM (Fran): yes and any time u want to talk i am here.i felt something drawing me to you.strange isnt it........i like you so yes we can continue this another time...............good luck........in class........... |
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| From: [email protected]
(Minister of Victoria Park - FC)
Subject : My First Impression Date: April 27th, 1998 to the project: absolute brilliant, move plus forum, some background info, brillant content.... its great! I'm glad that you just 'did' the project.a suggestion thogh... not all have fast connetions (like me from home), so it may be an idea to divide the page in several ones, so each page is smaller and loads faster. perhaps something like this: intro - movie - thoughts - ... but that depends on your intentions, you probably have a composition in mind. to the content:
to you (I hope you don't mind): (editor's note : nope don't mind
bit.)
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The Eternal Turmoil Webring
This Eternal
Turmoil site is owned
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