Hey everyone, It was suggested we start a site so since I have some free time today I figured why not!! :) It's all very basic right now but anyways!
Well the only page was the story so I figured why not make that front page! :)
Legend
McFlow, Vigdis, Mat Cauthon, Saruman, SeXyBW, Warrior with 8balls
TALE OF THE UNHOLY WARRIORS
Tale of Unholy Warriors Looking out across his Kingdom, Old King Vilkata was almost brought to tears. As far as the eye could see desolation was the rule. Burnt homes, dead trees, bloated cows and mud everywhere filled the horizen. Huge buring pyres of dead soldiers and civilians blazed, giving off the stench of burnt pork. Of his 25 nobles, only 3 remained by his side. The rest stared back at him sightlessly, their heads impaled on pikes in a semi-circle. Thinking back, he wondered what had gone wrong. His Kingdom was once prosperous and mighty. Stretching from the Aral mountains to the East all the way to the Coast of the Aglan Ocean, his rule had been absolute. Then came the ultimatum from the upstart Kingdom in the Mountains. Gold, jewels, armor and swords were demanded in vast quantities. Food, horses and land were required or else. Calling themselves the Unholy Warriors, they demanded this King's Ransom or else all would be laid to waste and taken by force. At the time the once Mighty King Vilkata had laughed off the demands and ordered his Nobles to raise their armies and crush the upstarts. That had been his first and last mistake. Now the King waited to surrender his lands to the Unholy Warriors in the hope of sparing the lives of whoever was left alive in his ruined Kingdom. Off in the distance he could see dust rising from a group of mounted Soldiers. Most likely, the Unholy Warriors King and Nobles, come to survey their handiwork. The Soldiers grew ever closer.....
- Lord vigdis
Ahh shoot i forgot the beer ill run back to the bar and get some. Ill catch up to you guys. (yes now i can drink all the beer i want and Lord vigdis wont be there to remind me to pay my tab.) Mr. EverClear Cursing the loss of their Aerial Surveliance, but really needing a nice cold beer, the Unholy Warriors stopped their progress towards the defeated King Vilkata to await the return of Mr. Everclear, the Winged Avenger (or Chicken Hawk as he was known behind his back).
- Lord vigdis
Slowly Chicken Hawk comes back in a daze, hitting many trees as if he were blind flying through the forest. Suddenly, Chicken Hawk drops to the floor and much rustling occurs in the forest.... Lord Vigdis decides to take a look...
- Lord Mat Cauthon
Lord Vigdis heads off to the forest to see what has happened to Mr. Everclear. Entering the dark, damp, dank forest, the rustling noises grow closer. Meanwhile, growing tired of waithing, King McFlow and the rest of the Unholy Warriors decide to continue on to their meeting with the defeated King Vilkata. Vigdis breaks through into a bright sunny glade. A very drunk Everclear lies on his back in the middle of the glade, 2 half empty kegs under each arm. Growing thirsty at the sight of the beer Vigdis decides to have a quick mug....
- Lord vigdis
Hours pass since Vigdis and Everclear had been gone in the forest... Meanwhile, the party on their way to Vilkata grew ever worried... They had no choice but to send out a search party... The party consisted of... (add on here) Vigdis and Everclear sat on the forest floor, drunken warriors, hitting on wild chickens and boars that passed, hoping to get lucky... - Lord Mat Cauthon Through their drunken stupor, Vigdis and Everclear noticed a bulging in the ground. Suddenly, Lord Mat's head popped up from the earth. "There you are" he said as he stepped out of the hole. "I have been digging everywhere for you." Not believeing their eyes, Vigdis and Everclear looked at each other in puzzlement. "Does he have breasts?" Everclear whispered to Vigdis? "Yeah and he looks taller too" said Vigdis. Realizing they had had enough to drink, they quickly passed the near empty kegs to Mat and prepared to rejoin the main party. Just then....
- Lord vigdis
Mat noticed the puzzling stares of Vigdis and Everclear at his chest, and quickly pulls out two coconuts... "oh sorry about that, they help balance my weight whenever i'm digging"... Shakng their heads, Everclear and Vigdis slowly walk toward the forest to meet the waiting kingdom... Stubbornly, Mat protests "I swear!!! They're only used for digging!!!" Back at the camp, the others grow impatient and sober, while dissension and distrust started to grow because of the lack of booze... "Maybe we should march on??" thinks a sobered up King McFlow... "Oh my God he's thinking!!! QUICK, give me a beer!!" Yells Sir Saruman, quickly tossing it down McFlow's throat"... "Arrah Fine worky worky there, Mister SarahIsAMan, fine SNOOOOOORE" rants the King...
- Lord Mat Cauthon
Leaving Mat behind to finish off the Kegs, Vigdis and Everclear head back to the main encampment. Seeing the wayward nobles, King McFLow orders everyone to saddle up. "There should be plenty of Booze waiting for us ahead..." before he can finish his sentence the rest of the group is galloping towards the rendezvous with King Vilkata. "Ask for volunteers and this group is silent. Mention booze and they act like a bunch of kids in a candy store". Slowly the recovering alcoholic King McFLow mounts his old nag Betsy and trots off, trying to catch up to the rest of his crew....
- Lord vigdis
Lord Mat wakes from his coma, finding both coconuts strangely gone back into his shirt... He begins to get up, though everything is blurry... A loud rumbling erupts from behind, and Mat quickly digss himself a hole to hide in... "HAHAHAHA, those dogs that call themselves the Unholy Warriors are fools! How stupid do they think I am, allowing myself to be forced into surrender! Hopefully, my vassals will be able to keep my imposter from turning on me when they arrive, and we'll be able to surprise them! Unholy Pigs!" a sly Vilkata remarks to himself... After his small speech, the whole area was suddenly filled with thousands of ogres, beserkers, and beastmasters... "reinforcements... crap, I knew it was too good to be true to actually have him simply surrender his lands..." remarks a slightly drunken Mat... Hoping to escape from discovery, Mat tunnels through the area for quite some time, until !!!BUMP!!! "Owwww, what you gonna do that for?!... uh oh..." exclaims a hurt Mat... when he realizes he has bumped into Vilkata himself... "OH HO what have we hear!? A little spy, do we?? Looks a bit tall for a halfling, and what the hell are those things on his chest!? Oh well, he must be an Unholy Pig judging from his fat belly! lock him up boys, if we lose some food we'll have some unholy pig for dinner! HAHAHA"...
- Lord Mat Cauthon
Sir Saruman catches up riding his war horse. He is flanked by a few attendants carrying provisions, and miraculously, beer. The delicacy was distributed among the others, and the fresh horses brought by the attendants were given to the weary riders. The march continues. Suddenly out of the trees to the left of their path an ambush appears, archers right and left. Out of nothingness wizards appear in a ring around the warriors. In a bright flash of light, the archers are dead, lying in their hiding places right where they sat.
- Sir Saruman
King McFlow looks around the newlie formed circle of wizards and directs himself towards the larger of the mages, After a few minutes of verbal exchange they both decided they should continue this conversation elsewhere. Before leaving he gives the orders to take what they can from the fallen archers continue the march! Setting his horse in the other direction and waving to the king wizard to follow him, they both ride off in search of a quiet area to discuss bussiness with King McFlow. Saruman meanwhile directs the rest of them to return to the mage guild in his fortress, and thanks them for their diligance. He also directs two of the very best, one a good warrior and one a famed healer to accompany them, along with the lead wizard, Gandalf, if he would be willing after the meeting with King.(if you read the Lord Of The Rings, you know who that is.)Gandalf leaves the guild on his own discord, and no one even bothers to stop him. It was his fireball that destroyed the brute of the group, showing plainly his strength. The group moves on, expecting the King to catch up soon. Saruman hjad no doubt he wold, knowing the great speed of his magnificent white horse. All went well without further trouble until......
- Sir Saruman
Until gadalf turns on the unholy warriors (for gandlf is a very holy wizard)! "Thou foul sinnners! Thou hast forsaken me!" Without warning fireballs explode from gandalf's hands, scorching over 5000 knights of Sir Saruman. Thinking stupidly, a drukin, Lord Vigdis runs up madly to stop gandalf... ! VOMIT !... all of the alchoal in Vidgis blows out all over gandalf causing an enourmous explorsion... meanwhile, a frightened Lord Mat clings timidly to his cage, awaiting his cannibalistic fate... Lord Mat Cauthon Saruman rises in anger against Gandalf. "you have betrayed your fellow friends and comrades of the White Council!" (also in Lord Of The Rings, as is Saruman, who is a great wizard, the head of the White Council.)All the wizards again appear, but were unable to do harm to Gandalf. All the power of the guild was focused into a impressively strong magic shield, and with a word from Saruman, was made stronger than all that Gandalf could summon, but it could only last so long. In the meantime, all the soldiers were treated, 2000 reported dead who were in the brunt of the blast. Therefore, only 10,000 of his 12,000 knights were battle ready. The confrontation was costly, and all knew there was more to come. The leaders gathered together to discuss battle plans. The main concern of all was the mysterious disappearence of their leader. The obvious thing was to gather all the wizards as soon as poisible, and then try to confront him.
- Sir Saruman
Lady Cardixa, whom everyone calls BlackWidow for her taste in pleasure, has been watching the Unholy Warriors for months now. They are quite amusing little bunch. One seems to like coconuts... (reasons inappropriate) Another just doesnt have much luck lately. and the king just seems to get in the middle of all this. Drunken Dolts is what they are. But she still finds them interesting and continues to watch and eventually will make herself known and attach herself to one of the leaders.. >=) BlackWidow keeps following the Unholy Warriers and eats her rice.
- Lady SeXyBW
Vigdis and King McFlow console Sir Saruman for his lost
knights, and ask for a rest. Getting drunk for the 20th time today, Vigdis stops
to think for a minute... "AM i harming my body? maybe i should not be a raging
alcholic every day of my life?" While musing over these, Vigdis begins to feel
lonely and wants to make fun of someone... "WHere the hell is
- Lord Mat Cauthon
Little breastful Mat, huh? LOL. During the night, all our problems were solved for us. Gandalf disappeared. After a grand search, we found King Mcflow being cared for by a strange new maiden who calls herself a black widow. Hideous. Mcflow seems to find her enchanting, however. (he's hopelessly desperate) When Sir Mat, myself, and Vigdis, in his drunken stupor, appeared in the clearing where the Unholy King lay, Black Widow scurried off as fast as her legs could go. I was becoming suspicious. But Mcflow dismissed it as nothing, so we moved on. Breastful Mat seemed to act like a frightened rodent the whole trip, riding behind our huge orc guide in extreme terror. For protection, we had three hundred of all of our top wizards travel along, with othrs on standby should a problem occur. And, inevitably, it did. We were attempting to cross a river on an extremely long log, when from the other bank a mad scream issued from the brush. Arrows shot from every tree, and thousands of warriors appeared. Instantly our wizards attempted a fireball attack, but a strong magic shield blocked their energy. Apparently Gandalf was at work after all. Vilkata's warriors also had a sphere of protection from physical attacks on them.They were hopelessly outnumbered, and the Unholy Warriors had more experience in fighting than the fat lazy overpaid troops of the king. Nevertheless, they DID have Gandalf, and that seemed to give them a great spirit. The Unholy Wizard Guild, newly formed, gave their troops a physical and mental edge in battle, and then set out to remove the shield around Vilkata and his minions. Suddenly, the shield gave way. Magical energy sprayed upon the warriors of Vilkata. Gandalf, as strong as he was, could not stand the combined power of the Unholy Warriors. The knights of Saruman were the first to act, in revenge for their comrades. They dove their horses into the water, and swam across to the other bank. The enemy soldiers cowered in fear, and ran for their lives, along with Lord Mat.
- Sir Saruman
Suddenly, at a quick spell from Gandalf, the hearts of the knights of Saruman exploded from fear... the feathers of Sir Everclear molted from his body... the intoxication of Lord Vigdis ended... and the enemy soldiers advanced.
- Baron Mat Cauthon
The shouts of joy turned to panic, as Gandalf rose in the air above our heads. The wizards, now numbering over five thousand, try endless spells and incantations to no avail. But Vigdis suddenly comes to his senses, ordering all the wizards into one massive blast of energy. Saruman and his circle of wizards join in the gathering. Suddenly, with a bright flash of light, all the energy is released to the horror of Gandalf. He was smote down out of the sky by the energy ball, and then promptly was knocked out as he hit the ground head first. Finally, the Unholy Warriors had their chance. All the hundreds of thousands of warriors landed upon Vilkata. Elfish arrows flew, brightly clad knights clashed with sword and shield, spear and javelin. Avian warlords sent their minions flying down upon the doomed warriors of Vilkata. Then all was over. The battlefield was littered with the red and gold emblem of Vilkata, and precious few black Unholy Warriors perished. Vilkata attempted to flee, but the leaders of Unholy Warriors pursued. They caught him finally, hiding in a tree, but since it was fall, all the leaves were gone that should have sheltered him. Now all look to the king for guidance on what to do with the wretch, but Saruman's eyes were elsewhere, pointing to the vast and powerful kingdom of the leader Ran Borune, called Tolnedra.
- Sir Saruman
King McFlow noticing the stare of all his fellow leaders sits there and ponders for what seems like hours, finnaly he stands up and declares in a steady voice, "let him be, Vilkata is nothing but a coward, he is not worthy of the arrow needed to finish him!" he quickly looks up and stares Vilkata, "The next time we meet, I might not be so forgiving" Then pointing towards Tolnedra, he gives the order to march on and conquer new lands asking Baron Mat and Sir Saruman to stay back for a few days and build on a new kingdome on this land.
- King McFlow
"As you will, my liege," Saruman replies. "Although I enjoy the spoils of war, I shall follow thy command and create a stupendous kingdom. Tell me thy specifications, and it shall be so, my Lord. I shall report to thee when the building is at a certain place. Good luck in thy conquest!" And Sarumaj sets in giving orders to all around, starting the building of the Unholy Empire. - Sir Saruman 3 ages have passed since that original time...... The unholy warriors Sir Saruman and Baron Mat grow restless, as they have built their assigned kingdoms by the king... "Why do we always get stuck with building crap while the King always takes out Vigdis and the others to battle?? that's pretty gay, but what can you expect considering the king is a faery?" (and if any are gay here, i apologize if i have offended you) Meanwhile, a large force grows in the forest opposite the 2 provinces of Baron Mat and Sir Saruman, known as The Blight... Unbeknownst to them, a new lustful conqueror, by the name of MORIDIN, grows in power, and has laid his eyes upon Sir Saruman's lands first... "A FINAL DAY OF ORGANIZATION SHALL START THE MARCH TOWARD THE UNHOLY WARRIORS LANDS! THE FOOLISH HUMAN SARUMAN AND HIS BOOKS OF LORD OF THE RINGS SHALL BE BURNT TO A CRISP!!!"
- Baron Mat Cauthon
lol, well, let's move on to a new series. What about the Belgariad? Well well well, Saruman listens in on their little conversation and turns their king into a toad. Ha Ha! Now what's he gonna do, overrun me with toads? - Sir Saruman - King McFlow ShenAnCalharWarriors (46:6) Delete July 17th, YR8 At the croak of Moridin, BILLIONS of toads flood Sir Saruman's castle, overcoming his knights with incessant croaking and sticky tongues that ripped off the skin of the soldiers... "NOOOOOOO" yells Sir Saruman as he is driven from his home, for the safety of Baron Mat's palace.
- Baron Mat Cauthon
Lol, don't put that crap in here, toads aren't carnivorous.
- Sir Saruman
Not sated yet, and with a desire for more human flesh, the toads leap off towards Baron Mat's castle. The carnivorous toads of Castlevania methodically hopped closer and closer towards the Barony. Standing atop the tallest turret in his mighty castle, Baron Mat and his new guest Sir Saruman silently watch the steady progress of the evil amphibians. Sit Mat calls for his bird Master. Sir Mat attaches a message to the pigeon then sets it free in the hopes it will reach the Unholy Warriors off to the East. "They are our only hope now" sighs Sir Mat, his bountiful breasts heaving. As the toads slowly approach, the Pigeon wings towards the Unholy Warriors War Host.....
- Lord vigdis
Lord Vigdis is the first to receive the message, but suddenly begins to strangely worship it... His servants and soldiers notice this and begin to follow in his stead... "OH DAMN, I SENT RICE PAPER..." thinks Baron Mat to himself while the toads have begun their onslaught. A traumatized Sir Saruman waits in his room yelling, "LORD OF THE RINGS LORD OF THE RINGS WSD:KLJSD:FKLJS:FJK"... Suddenly, two toads jump up, surprising Mat and biting his breasts off... "OWWW!!! BASTARDS!!" He yells, as their heads fall off from the slice of his dagger. "Damn that hurt... oh well, at least no more breast jokes..."
- Baron Mat Cauthon
Lady Sexy BW walks towards the strangely quiet fire. Upon arrival she sees Lord Vigdis and many of his soldiers passed out by the fire. Upon closer examination she notices all of them carrying a tiny piece of Rice Paper in their hands. "Muhahaha" she laughs, "soon all of the Unholy Warriors will be addicted to my rice. As the only supplier in this part of the world I will soon be rich, RICH!". At the main camp, King McFLow has recieved ill omens from his prophets about troubles back home. Though they could not be specific, they sensed much danger to the Unholy Warriors Homeland from a deadly host. Convinced that help is needed he immediately orders all nobles and their troops to turn around and head back. Back at the castle, two toads quickly suffocate and die as the bountiful breats of Lord Mat get stuck in their throats. Dead, they fall into the moat where they are both quickly devoured by the giant 10 foot long raptor fish. Swallowing the toads, the very full fish heads to the bottom of the moat to digest his prey.
- Lord vigdis
yes, i went into a trance, but the frogs didn't eat me. don't worry, im alive.
- Sir Saruman
"SIR SARUMAN IS DEAD!!! SIR SARUMAN IS DEAD!!! HE's BEEN EATEN BY THE FROGS!!!!" Yells Lord Mat as he ventures into Sir Saruman's room. Thinking quickly, Mat unsheaths his dagger and expertly cuts the neck of Sir Saruman... "oops... *ahem* DAMN YOU FROGS!! YOU'VE EATEN TRHOUGH HS NECK!!! YOU WILL BE AVENGED SARUMAAAAAAAN!" Meanwhile, all of the frogs had left out of fear from Mat's sharp raspy yell.. Lord Vigdis wakes up in his bed, copmletely enshrouded in rice... WHERE AM I??? - Lord Mat Cauthon The 8balled Warrior (46:6) Delete June 21st, YR9 *HEY someone copy this down n post it in a webpage somewhere hehehhe*
- Sir Warrior with 8balls
Look Vigdis looks around and sees that he is in Baron Mats Castle. The toads have been beaten back for the moment so all is quite. Vigdis notices his stomach is growling and decides he needs some breakfast. Grabbing his trusty fishing pole he heads to the moat. All of a sudden he hooks the biggest fish of his life. He hauls out a ten foot long raptor fish! As he is expertly filleting the fish he accidentally cuts open the stomach. Lo and behold, out pop Baron Mats perfectly preserved breats! Rushing to the castle he summons the castle surgeon for an emergency breastadectomy! Then he rushes off to find Baron Mat. When Baron Mat hears the news he screams and runs away from Vigdis shouting "Your a Madman! I don't want them back!". Fearing Baron Mat is delerious, Vigdis bonks him on the head and takes him to the operating room where the emergency surgery is preformed. Baron Mat slowly wakes up. He feels a large weight on his chest. Lifting up the covers he sees that his breasts have been re-attached! Just then a servant comes in with a large bowl of steaming rice. "Nooooooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Baron Mat screams as he slowly goes insane.....
- Lord vigdis
Back at her lair, Lady Sexy BW ponders her plans. "My toads have the Kingdom in disarray. Many of the Unholy Warriors are addicted to my rice. Baron Mat is insane and Sir Saruman is dead. Now is the time to strike!" She saddles up and rides to King McFlows Castle. Opening the door the King is both surprised and excited to see her. "I've come for dinner my King" says the Black Widow in her sexiest voice. King McFlow stammers "We-welcome Dear Lady. Make yourself at home". "I shall" she says as she pulls forth a long dagger tipped with deadly posion. Quickly she stabs the King in the fleshy part of his eyeball. He drops instantly to the ground, dead. She screams and alerts the servants, "He has died of a heart attack, spread the word!" At the same time troops loyal to her arrive at the castle and quickly kill of all of the dead King's soldiers. Later that month a long line of Unholy Warrior Lords wait their turn to pledge their allegaince to the new Queen of the land, and receive their monthly rice shipment as reward for their faithfullness....
-Lord Vigdis