Exploring The Dave™ Phenomenon

Who is Dave™?

Dave™ is both just a simple man and an undisputed pop-culture phenomenon, but mostly just a simple man.  Actually, entirely just a simple man.  A simple and rather sad man, who deserves your pity and your used underwear.  

Where did the Dave™ Phenomenon begin?

Some would say it began in a farmer's field in upstate New York in 1969, but they'd be mistaken because that was actually Woodstock.  The Dave™ Phenomenon began in a small, provincial New Zealand town called Kaponga on 25 April, 1971.  It was on this auspicious and also portentous, but not hippopotamus, date that Dave™ took his first lusty breaths.

What other significant Dave™ dates are there which we could celebrate with much raucous joy and quaffing of ale?

Here is the complete list of Dave™ events:

Dave™, The Early Years.

9:45 pm, 25 April 1971:               Dave™ born.

11:15 am, 12 July 1973:               Dave™ says first word: "nurg."

11:17 am, 12 July 1973:               Dave™ says first sentence: "do poopie."

8:48 am, 1 May 1976:                   Dave™ begins schooling.  Eats first crayon.  (Orange).

12.13 pm, 18 October 1978:       Dave™ kisses first girl.  (Nicola Murphy, who is cornered in  the   

                                                        wendy-house.)

12:14 pm, 18 October 1978:       Dave™'s first bleeding nose.

7:45 pm, 17 February 1984:        Dave™ discovers first pubic hair*. 

 8:15 pm, 2 November 1984:       Dave™ has first pash.  (School camp).  Smiles constantly for 2 

                                                        weeks.

1:23 am, 28 June 1985:               Dave™'s first orgasm.

10:27 pm, 3 July 1985:                 Dave™'s first orgasm for which he is awake.      

2:43 pm, 2 December 1986:        Dave™ gets driver's licence.  First speeding ticket at 3:05 pm, 

                                                         first fatality at 4:17 pm.

12:08 am, 17 December 1987:   Dave™ becomes a man.  Smiles constantly for 4 months.

3:00 pm, 9 December 1989:        Dave™ finishes schooling.  Eats final crayon.  (Blue).

Dave™, The Middle Years.

8:57 am, 17 January 1990:           Dave™ begins high-powered executive career at local 

                                                         supermarket.  Becomes manager of 'Neatly Stacking             

                                                         Vegetables' division.

10:46 pm, 3 February 1992          Dave™ becomes a man again, but is finding it an increasingly difficult task as the sheep seem 

                                                          to be getting faster all the time.

4:22 pm, 18 October 1992            Dave™ fired from supermarket under suspicion of being involved in a vegetable smuggling ring

                                                          run by a Russian mafia don called Shlecky.  There was, of course, no truth to this whatsoever!

Dave™, The Later Years.

To follow...

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*This hair is preserved in an attractive glass display case and is now on exhibit at the world-renowned Dave™ museum.