"ATHENA"
By Scott Schindler
The Partheon statue of the goddess Athena, pure and strong. Ivory skin and bright gray eyes, adored by many throughout time. That statue has remained for a thousand years, forever beautiful. But not always innocent and sweet. Her eyes have seen bloodshed, and her ears have heard thousands of screams. The goddess even aided in war, stoping none of the pain.
My Athena is like that. Sweet but Cruel. In the past, she's hurt me so much, it's beyond pain. Then why do I stay? The truth is, I don't know. I'm too involved, in love I guess. Besides, what done is done. ...and when everything is over, I am the one she always runs to.
I came to this town when I was 14, 5 years ago. I still remember--sitting on my porch-swing and seeing her, Athena, walk by on the other side of the street. Walking with another girl (later I find out that girl was Aliea Hayden, who lived across the street), she glanced at me once as she pulled back a strand of her long, chocolate-brown hair. I was instantly amazed; I had to meet her. But I didn't know what to do--I was never the bold type of guy. And luckily, I didn't have to be.
That was around 11AM on a Saturday. I spent most of the rest of the day in my bedroom, unpacking and decorating (I started to paint the walls black and set up all my gothic stuff). Sometime during the evening, my twin-sister came and told me that we had guests. It was the two girls I had seen earlier and another. The other girl was Tobie Martin, a spunky and athletic red-head.
Though they talked mostly to my mother, Athena and Tobie both kept looking at me. But it appeared that they were trying to conceal it, because they quickly looked away every time I looked at them. The visit ended abrumptly, and I didn't get anywhere. At least now she knew I exsisted.That was step 1. I would have to wait until school on Monday--and just hope I had some classes with Athena, or at least one of her friends. However, I didn't realize (actually, no one told me) that she was a year younger than me. And, I was a freshmen at the Highschool... which meant that she would be in 8th grade at the Junior Highschool.
That hit me hard. Remember, at that time I didn't know Aliea lived across the street. They may even live on the other side of town. There were no guarentees that Athena would come back this way. And by the next year, she wouldn't so much as look at me. Damn it. That made me wish that I had asked her were she lived.
Another chance came soon enough. During the first week of school I made a few friends and decided to join Show Choir. Two of those friends were Nathan Flake and Adam Maxwell, who invited me to come with them to "The Stone Table", a popular teenage hangout w/ live music.
Of course I said yes. I'm one of those people who cannot be alone. I couldn't live if I had no one. Anyway, it was a long time ago so I don't remember excatly what happened, but it was somewhere along these lines:
Adam: "You'll have a good time! There are a bunch of hott girls here, dude."
Nathan: "No, that's your idea of good, Adam. Besides, don't you have a girlfriend?"
Adam: "Yeah.."
Me: "That's so wrong." I don't think he heard me mutter that.
Half the time I stayed with them. Nathan wondered off on his own, and Adam left with a girl. I tried to have fun on my own. Finally, after being there 2 hours, I walked up the stairs leading to the second level which outlined the lower one. I sighed and leaned on the balcony. I decided that I wanted to go home, so my eyes servayed the crowd below looking for Nathan.
Slender fingers traced up my sides, causing me to shiver. Arms wrapped around my chest and the person layed their head on my shoulder. I glanced over. Athena smiled at me, only the corners of her lips lifting. She pulled away and I turned around. She yelled something to me over the music.
"What??"
Apperantly she didn't hear me either. "Huh?" A moment later she surprised me by grabbing onto my wrist. She led me down the stairs and into the backroom, only two other people there. The music instantly became quieter. She glanced at the other people and pulled me into a dressing room.
"Alright," I said slowly. "What did you say the first time?"
She ignored my question. "This will be the first time," she said devilishly. She had the cutest expression on her face. Then she kissed me. I was shocked by her fowardness. And it wasn't just a kiss--it was the deepest type of kiss. At first I debated whether I should do this or not. I definately wasn't the type of guy who went for it the first date. But I quickly realized that I should be enjoying it, not thinking about if it is right or not.
She stagered backwards, back hitting the wall, and she pulled me with her. "Take off your clothes," she whispered in my ear. She suddenly remembered the door and leaned foward to lock it. "I hear people do it in here all the time. No one will know..." She was serious, now I was really shocked. Without giving it another thought, I did what she told me too. And I have no regrets.
We never went out. Not on dates, that is. Oddly we were just friends after that. Almost immediately she started dating this guy named Hans Baldwin. They tried to include me in things they did, but I couldn't handle it. I know Athena was only trying to be nice, but it still hurt. So, when Ashley Parker asked me out, I said yes. Like I said, I cannot be alone.
Ashley and me dated on and off for a long time. She was someone to go places with and to talk to. I never got too close to her, though. We broke up several times, usually it was either because she was jealous of me and Athena, or she thought I was afraid to touch her. She was actually upset that I didn't try to lay her. I couldn't, I didn't love her. I guess that I'm just a hopeless romantic. To me, sex is love.
Not to Athena. It didn't take me long to notice that she like to play with peoples' hearts and minds. All girls are confusing, but she confused me in every way possible.
I saw her more often when she got to highschool. She was still with Hans, and I was still with Ashley. Ashley knew how I felt, and she thought she could change it. But no one could. Ashely was noticeably prettier than Athena, but that didn't matter to me. Ashley just wasn't Athena.
By this point you probably think I'm extremely sappy; I even thought I was. It's like that poem about that girl who drifted away, and the guy still loved her; he stood by her side through it all and did everything to make her happy. But in the end he died and the girl finally realized she loved him too. That didn't make me feel much better. Besides, what if she really didn't? That is what I thought over and over again. Because sometimes she was so cold; I didn't think she was capable of love. Athena would get what she wanted, and then not want it anymore.
Anyway, at the very least I was her friend. I hated Hans. Not only because of the obvious, but because he was a jerk. He told me about everything he did, so did Athena. Secrets are a bad thing, which I didn't tell Athena because... well, I knew it would hurt her. Hopefully she would figure out that he wasn't for her on her own.
My 3rd year in highschool, I missed her an entire year while she went to Japan as an exchange student. I felt left behind. She broke up with Hans, which made me happy. But I could only hear her voice, both on the telephone and in the anime fandubs. Not even so much as a picture, though I asked more than once.
When she got home, I didn't want to see her. I decided that she had put me through enough. That was a Friday. Over the weekend, she called my house several times. I told my sister to say that I wasn't there. Of course I knew I would have to face her next time she came to Aliea's house. This was during summer.
When I did see her, I told her exactly what I felt. The only thing I clearly remember saying, "I've wasted too much time being your fool. I wish I never met you." At first she looked upset, but then a tear fell down her cheek and she left before I could say anything else. I know that I should have went after her and said that I was sorry, but I didn't.
I tried to avoid her. But, my mind kept wanting to think about her. I had little self-control when it came to her, so I called once. Her sister, Marina, answered and told me that Athena was in the process of taking all the pictures of me in her bedroom & photobooks, and throwing them into the hallway (started earlier, finish later since there were a lot). I hung up without replying. "Fine!" was all I thought.
Somehow I avoided her the rest of the summer vacation. I talked to her a little at school and when she came to my house to hang out with my sister. I still loved her very much, but on top of that was hate. In August she met a foriegn guy named Rajesh. He asked her out, she said yes. She told him that she had just broken up with her boyfriend, but that was a lie. She's smart, and knew it would make me jealous. It worked. Within days I had became her fool again. How did I let myself?
We began sleeping together in November. Athena was officially my girlfriend, but she was still a player. I didn't really care at the time, though. As long as she acknowledged that I was. I don't know what she told Rajesh, if she told him. I had a feeling she was playing him, but I didn't care. In March, she stoped sleeping with other guys. "I love you," was all she said when I asked her why.
Notice I used the word "guys"? I'll explain in a minute. That wasn't to say that we didn't fight, because we did. To get advise, she went to the house of Danielle Weston, a girl who moved here from New York a few weeks ago. Athena met her at the Stone Table, while Danielle was singing with her new punk band. Instantly they became friends.
Athena was laying on Danielle's bed talking and crying at the same time. I can only go by what Athena said:
"She kept getting closer but I didn't think anything of it. I was too worried about "us" to notice that she wasn't listening to a word I said. I was so shocked when I felt her warm hand on my face, and the devilish look on her face.. She told me to forget you and to enjoy. I silently choked back before shyly asking, "With a girl?!" She only nodded and kissed me. I didn't stop her--I wasn't sure if I wanted to. Then she started to unzip my shirt, which kinda made me wish I had worn a t-shirt that day."
Athena pushed Danielle away after a few minutes. Then she left, now trying to figure out if she had liked it or not. I wasn't too surprised when she said that she did, er would have if she was still like that. But now she only wanted one person.
Epilogue: When I graduated from High School, I asked Athena to marry me. She simply said that she wasn't ready. But I did get her to agree to live with me her Senoir year. Then, she would be with me a lot more often, but she could leave at anytime if she wanted. I asked her again in December 2000, this time she said yes.