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Good Tuesday morning everyone. Hope you had a good
weekend. Mine went by way too fast as usual. I hope you are all enjoying
my version of Mike's Funnies. I know you will all be glad to see Mike back
and I for one will be very excited....ummmm....happy to see him back too.
Ok, on with the Funnies. Today is
Measure Your Feet
Day.....ummmmm.....well, if you really must do that, then go for it. I personally
would prefer to just skip this little task. Today is also
National Handwriting
Day....ok all you sloppy writers today is your chance to improve that awful
handwriting you have. Oh wait today is also
National Pie Day....Now
that's something I can go for.....some of moms homemade chocolate
pie.....yummmmmmm....oh no, I just gained back all of that weight I worked
so hard to loose....oh well, I go back to the diet tomorrow.....lol. Hmmmm...we
can measure our feet while we practice that handwriting and dig into a pie
all at one time....sounds like a fun filled day to me. Ok now that we have
all of that figured out, on with the Funnies. Have a great day
all.
Doris and Fred had started their retirement years and decided to raise some extra cash by advertising for a tenant for their terrace house. After a few days, a young attractive woman applied for the room and explained that she was a model working in a nearby city center studio for a few weeks and that she would like the room from Mondays to Thursdays, but would pay for the whole week. Doris showed her the house and they agreed to start straight away. "There's just one problem," explained the model. "Because of my job, I have to take a bath every night, and I notice you don't have a bath." "That's not a problem," replied Doris. "We have a tin bath out in the yard and we bring it in to the living room in front of the fire and fill it with hot water." "What about your husband?" asked the model. "Oh, he plays darts most weekdays, so he will be out in the evenings," replied Doris. "Good," said the model. "Now that that's settled, I'll go to the studio and see you tonight." That evening, Fred dutifully went to his darts match while Doris prepared the bath for the model. After stripping off, the model stepped into the bath. Doris was amazed to see that she had no pubic hair. The model noticed Doris's staring eyes, so she smiled and explained that it is part of her job to shave herself, especially when modeling swimwear or underclothes. Later when Fred returned, Doris related this oddity and he did not believe her. "It's true, I tell you!" said Doris. "Look, if you don't believe me, tomorrow night I'll leave the curtains slightly open and you can peek in and see for yourself." The next night, Fred left as usual and Doris prepared the bath for the model. As the model stepped naked into the bath, Doris stood behind her. Doris looked towards the curtains and pointed towards the model's naked pubic area. Then she lifted up her skirt and, wearing no panties, pointed to her own hairy mass. Later Fred returned and they retired to bed. "Well, do you believe me now?" she asked Fred. "Yes," he replied. "I've never seen anything like it in my life. But why did you lift up your skirt and show yourself?" "Just to show you the difference." answered Doris. "But I guess you've seen me millions of times." "Yes," said Fred, "I have - but the rest of the dart team hadn't.".............ummmmm.....oops......LOL
Marriage is a gamble.
You start with a pair.
He shows a diamond.
She shows a heart.
Her father has a club.
His father has a spade.
There's usually a joker around somewhere,
but after a while he becomes a king and
she becomes a queen.
Then they end up with a full house........who's idea was this anyway
Why Boys and Girls Are Equal But Not the Same"
"Equal" is not always synonymous with "the same." Men and women are created equal. But, boys and girls are not born the same.
1. You throw a little girl a ball, and it will hit her in the nose. You throw a little boy a ball, and he will try to catch it. Then it will hit him in the nose.
2. You dress your little girl in her Easter Sunday best, and she'll look just as pretty when you finally make it to church an hour later. You dress a boy in his Easter Sunday best, and he'll somehow find every mud puddle from your home to the church, even if you're driving there.
3. Boys' rooms are usually messy. Girls' rooms are usually messy, except it's a good smelling mess.
4. A baby girl will pick up a stick and look in wonderment at what nature has made. A baby boy will pick up a stick and turn it into a gun.....or hit the neighbor's child with it
5. When girls play with Barbie and Ken dolls, they like to dress them up and play house with them. When boys play with Barbie and Ken dolls, they like to tear off their appendages....I think I did something wrong here....my Barbie dolls were all bald...just practicing for my beautician's license....LOL
6. Boys couldn't care less if their hair is unruly. If their bangs got cut a quarter-inch too short, girls would rather lock themselves in their room for two weeks than be seen in public.
7. Baby girls find mommy's makeup and almost instinctively start painting their face. Baby boys find mommy's makeup and almost instinctively start painting the walls.
8. If a girl accidentally burps, she will be embarrassed. If a boy accidentally burps, he will follow it with a dozen fake belches.
9. Boys grow their fingernails long because they're too lazy to cut them. Girls grow their fingernails long - not because they look nice - but because they can dig them into a boy's arm.
10. Girls are attracted to boys, even at an early age. At an early age, boys are attracted to dirt.
11. By the age of 6, boys will stop giving their dad kisses. By the age of 6, girls will stop giving their dad kisses unless he bribes them with candy.
12. Most baby girls talk before boys do. Before boys talk, they learn how to make machine-gun noises.
13. Girls will cry if someone dies in a movie. Boys will cry if you turn off the VCR after they've watched "Pokemon" movie three times in a row.
14. Girls turn into women. Boys turn into bigger boys....ummmm...no comment...hehehe
A man drove his secretary home after she had a little too much to drink at a party. Although nothing happened, he decided not to mention it to his wife. Later that night, the man and his wife were in the car when he spotted a high-heeled shoe under the passenger seat. While his wife wasn't looking, he picked up the shoe and tossed it out of his window. Later, as they got out of the car, his wife asked, "Honey, have you seen my other shoe?" --.....no dear I haven't......are you sure you had it when we got in the car
Thanks Tonia!!
http://www.curlydavid.com/hold.html
http://www.itsajoke.com/thinkingofyou.shtml#open
PILLOW FIGHT 2000 - THE ORIGINAL!
http://www.funone.com/funclassic/pf/
Farewell Clinton Dance @ TVdance.com
http://tvdance.com/clinton/
http://www.joygreetings.com/stresskit.htm
http://www.funofun.com/internetgame.htm
http://www.curlydavid.com/coldp.html
Thanks K1m for sharing this with us. Sounds like something that would happen to me. Enjoy guys!
Hugs,
Donna
Charles Erickson, 65, won ,000 in a La Crosse, Wis., trial in March because a 6-inch clamp was left inside his body after a lung operation. Erickson said he had not planned to sue, but then Lutheran Hospital sent him a bill for the subsequent operation, which was solely to remove the clamp.
The Top Ten Dinner Dishes When Mom's Away and Dad's "Cooking"
10. Hot dogs with just a hint of Tabasco.
9. "Kids eat free" night at the steak house....well what's wrong with that?
8. Pizza.
7. Broiled bologna benedict on rye.
6. Back-of-the-fridge goulash (with lots of pepper).
5. Chips and salsa.
4. Cocoa Puff surprise.
3. Something old, something blue, something frozen, call it stew.
2. Cold pizza.
1. Whatever's cooking at Grandma's.
Eleven Step Guide to Being Handy Around the House
1. If you can't find a screwdriver, use a knife. If you break off the tip, it's an improved screwdriver.
2. Try to work alone. An audience is rarely any help.
3. Despite what you may have been told by your mother, praying and cursing are both helpful in home repair ...but only if you are working alone.
4. Work in the kitchen whenever you can ...many fine tools are there, its warm and dry, and you are close to the refrigerator.
5. If it's electronic, get a new one ...or consult a twelve-year-old.
6. Stay simple minded: Get a new battery; replace the bulb or fuse; see if the tank is empty; try turning it to the "on" switch; or just paint over it.
7. Always take credit for miracles. If you dropped the alarm clock while taking it apart and it suddenly starts working, you have healed it.
8. Regardless of what people say, kicking, pounding, and throwing sometimes DOES help.
9. If something looks level, it is level.
10. If at first you don't succeed, redefine success.
11. Above all, if what you've done is stupid, but it works, then it isn't stupid.
TRAVEL TIP
Here's a little tip from me to you as an experienced traveler.
Wake-up calls: worst way to wake up. The phone rings; it's loud; you can't turn it down. I leave the number of the room next to me, and then it rings kind of quiet, and you hear a guy yell, "What are you calling me for?" Then you get up and take a shower. It's great....hmmmm, I might have to try that.....hehehe
Well, I guess that will have to do it for this issue of the Funnies. Hope you enjoyed it. Don't forget to check Down Below The Fold©. Try real hard to have a good day.
Big Hugs,
Donna
WELCOME TO DOWN BELOW THE FOLD©
Strange WWII Facts:::
The first German serviceman killed in the war was killed by the Japanese (China, 1937), the first American serviceman killed was killed by the Russians (Finland 1940), the highest ranking American killed was Lt. Gen. Lesley McNair, killed by the US Army Air Corps. So much for allies.
The youngest US serviceman was 12 year old Calvin Graham, USN. He was wounded and given a Dishonorable Discharge for lying about his age. (His benefits were later restored by act of Congress)
At the time of Pearl Harbor the top US Navy command was Called CINCUS (pronounced "sink us"), the shoulder patch of the US Army's 45th. Infantry division was the Swastika, and Hitler's private train was named "Amerika". All three were soon changed for PR purposes.
More US servicemen died in the Air Corps than the Marine Corps. While completing the required 30 missions your chance of being killed was 71%.
Generally speaking there was no such thing as an average fighter pilot. You were either an ace or a target. For instance Japanese ace Hiroyoshi Nishizawa shot down over 80 planes. He died while a passenger on a cargo plane.
It was a common practice on fighter planes to load every 5th round with a tracer round to aid in aiming. This was a mistake. Tracers had different ballistics so (at long range) if your tracers were hitting the target 80% of your rounds were missing. Worse yet tracers instantly told your enemy he was under fire and from which direction. Worst of all was the practice of loading a string of tracers at the end of the belt to tell you that you were out of ammo. This was definitely not something you wanted to tell the enemy. Units that stopped using tracers saw their success rate nearly double and their loss rate go down.
When allied armies reached the Rhine the first thing men did was pee in it. This was pretty universal from the lowest private to Winston Churchill (who made a big show of it) and Gen. Patton (who had himself photographed in the act). (now there's something to make the family proud!)
German submarine U-120 was sunk by a malfunctioning toilet.
Among the first "Germans" captured at Normandy were several Koreans. They had been forced to fight for the Japanese Army until they were captured by the Russians and forced to fight for the Russian Army until they were captured by the Germans and forced to fight for the German Army until they were captured by the US Army.
Following a massive naval bombardment 35,000 US and Canadian troops stormed ashore at Kiska. 21 troops were killed in the firefight. It would have been worse if there had been any Japanese on the island.