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Hi everyone. Well, we're almost to the end of the week. Is that cheering I hear. Well, I can't say that I blame anyone for that. It sure seems like it's been an awful long week here. I am off today to the doctor's office. I'll have to remember to bill him for the time I'm waiting for him.....lol. Well, let's see, today is Opposite Day.....hey that means I can just be a bi**h today doesn't it......coooooool.....hehehe. Tomorrow is Australia Day...Happy Australia Day to any readers down under. Saturday is Punch The Clock Day...now I know a lot of you would really love to PUNCH that clock, but remember that you might hurt your hand if you do. Saturday is also, Thomas Crapper Day.....ummm, no comment on this one even though I really want to. Sunday is Clash Day...now make sure to wear something to church that really clashes and if anyone says anything to you, ask them why they aren't celebrating it. Sunday is also National Kazoo Day...shhhhh, don't tell my kids....they'll drive me crazy all day. Sunday is a busy day for celebrating it's also Rattlesnake Roundup Day....I think I will just pass on this one. Don't really think I want to round up any rattlesnakes. And last but certainly not least, Monday is National Corn Chip Day. This is a day I can do.....give me salsa and I'm happy.....oops there went the diet again. I'm just going to have to do better than this.....lol. Enjoy your weekend

Why does the bride always wear white?

Because it is protocol for the dishwasher to match the stove and refrigerator....now wait one minute here....who says the woman has to wash the dishes.....what's wrong with the man doing it?

"OLD" IS WHEN..... Your sweetie says, "Let's go upstairs and make love," and you answer, "Honey, I can't do both!"

"OLD" IS WHEN..... Your friends compliment you on your new alligator shoes and you're barefoot.....ohhhhhh, now that's cOLD

"OLD" IS WHEN..... A sexy babe catches your fancy and your pacemaker opens the garage door.

"OLD" IS WHEN..... Going bra-less pulls all the wrinkles out of your face.

"OLD" IS WHEN..... You don't care where your spouse goes, just as long as you don't have to go along.

"OLD" IS WHEN..... When you are cautioned to slow down by the doctor instead of by the police.

"OLD" IS WHEN..... "Getting a little action" means I don't need to take any fiber today.

"OLD" IS WHEN..... "Getting lucky" means you find your car in the parking lot.

"OLD" IS WHEN..... An "all nighter" means not getting up to pee!

Dear God:

Yesterday was an awful day for me......

My husband ran off with his secretary,

My son pierced his eyebrow,

My daughter tattooed the bald spot on her head,

My dog mated with the neighbors cat,

My neighbor sold her house to a mental institution,

My Mom told me I was adopted,

My boss told me I was laid off,

My sister was arrested for prostitution,

My house has termites,

My car was stolen,

All that came in the mail was bills,

A plane crash landed on my garage,

OJ Simpson came to my door selling rug cleaner,

And my TV blew.

Lord, please be with me today.  I was able to live through all that misery yesterday.  And I will be able to make it through anything today!!

But please.... DON'T LET ANYTHING HAPPEN TO MY COMPUTER!!!!....AMEN...poor Mike

Thanks Tonia!

It's Going To Be A Long Winter!

http://members.aol.com/MMichon/Winter2.html

Stinky Tacos

http://www.debsfunpages.com/tacos.htm

Virtual Checkers

http://sendafriend.com/checkers/

sexy

http://www.geocities.com/sunny21_1977/sexy.html

The World At Our Fingers FOREST

http://www.lovecards.net/lakes/lake50.html

The Peg Game

http://www.ishaah.com/Peggame.htm

All that junk food has me in trouble !

http://www.eakles.com/130diet.html

Fling the cow

http://www.flingthecow.com/

Two men were sitting next to each-other at a bar and one said to the other: "I couldn't help listening to you when you ordered your beer. And from the sound of ya, I'm thinking that you're from Mother Ireland." "Yes, that I am," said the other guy. "And where about in Ireland might you be from," asked the first Irishman? "I'm from Dublin, I am," said the second guy. "Sure and begorrah, and so am I," said the first guy. "And on what street did you live in Dublin?" asked the guy on the left. "A lovely little area it was. I lived on McCleary Street in the old part of town," answered the guy sitting on the right. "Faith and it's a small world. So did I. And to what school would you have been going" asked the first guy? "I went to St. Mary's, of course, and graduated in 1964", answered the second guy. "Lord be with us, I, too, graduated St. Mary's in 1964", said the first guy. "The good Lord must be smiling down upon us. I can hardly believe our good luck at winding up in the same bar tonight." Just then, another fellow walked in, took a stool at the other end of the bar and ordered a beer. Beer in hand, the bartender walked over to the new customer muttering, "It's going to be a long night, tonight. The Murphy twins are drunk again."....ROTFLMAO

Ok this is a little late, but better late than never.....then again these could apply to some of us on a regular basis....lol

The holidays aren't yet done, so here is a test to help you.

You'll know you're experiencing holiday stress when...

- You can achieve a "runners high" by sitting up.

- The sun is too loud.

- You are missing several days from this week.

- Trees begin to chase you.

- You can see individual air molecules vibrating.

- You wonder if brewing is *really* a necessary step for the consumption of coffee.

- You say the same sentence over and over again, not realizing that you've said it before.

- You can hear mimes.

- Things become "very clear." Everything is "very clear, indeed."

- You ask the drive-thru attendant if you can get your order to go.

- Your heart beats in 7/8 time.

- You and reality file for divorce.

- You say the same sentence over and over again, not realizing that you've said it before.

- It appears that people are speaking to you in binary code.

- You can travel without moving.

- Antacid tablets become your sole source of nutrition.

- You discover the aesthetic beauty of office supplies.

- You begin to talk to yourself, then disagree about the subject, get into a nasty tiff over it, lose, and refuse to speak to yourself for a week.

Something To Offend Darn-Near Everyone......These are really cute, but remember I didn't write them, I only laugh at them

What's the Cuban national anthem? "Row, Row, Row Your Boat,"

Where does an Irish family go on vacation? A different bar.

Did you hear about the Chinese couple that had a retarded baby?

They named him Sum Ting Wong.

What would you call it when an Italian has one arm shorter than the other?

A speech impediment.

What does it mean when the flag at the Post Office is flying at half mast? They're hiring.

Why aren't there any Puerto Ricans on Star Trek?

Because they're not going to work in the future, either.

Did you hear about the dyslexic Rabbi?

He walks around saying, "Yo."

What do you call an Arkansas farmer with a sheep under each arm?

A pimp.

Why do drivers education classes in Arkansas schools use the car only on

Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays?

Because on Tuesday and Thursday, the Sex Ed class uses it.

What's the difference between a southern zoo and a northern zoo?

A southern zoo has a description of the animal on the front of the cage, along with a recipe.

How do you get a sweet little 80-year-old lady to say f*ck?

Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady To yell, "BINGO!"

What's the difference between a northern fairytale and a southern fairytale?

A northern fairytale begins "Once upon a time..."

A southern fairytale begins 'Y'all ain't gonna believe this shit...

Well, that will do it for this issue of the Funnies. Go and enjoy day and have a great weekend. I will see you back here on Tuesday.

Big Hugs,

Donna