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Well, the weeks almost over, and I for one am glad
to see it. Don't get me wrong now. I am really enjoying writing the Funnies
for you all. It is an undescribable experience. I hope you are all enjoying
it as much as I am. Ok let's see what we have.....Today is
Serpent Day.....ok,
let the serpent's out to play today, they only get the chance once a year.
Tomorrow is 
Purification
Day.....well, now we could address this day in several different ways, so
I'll just leave it alone. Saturday is
Cordova Ice Worm Day.
Does that mean that you have to be nice to them or that you should eat
them....hmmmm, I'm not much for worms, so I'll pass on this one. Sunday is
Create A Vacuum Day.
That sounds like work to me. I thought Sunday was the day of rest. I think
I'll rest instead. Monday is
Disaster Day. Well,
this sounds like a day just made for those out there that love to create
big disasters for the rest of us to clean up. Wait, sorry, that should have
been directed at my kids.....lol. Ok with the days done until we see each
other again, on with the Funnies. Have a good weekend all.
Goldie, a recent widow, was sitting on a Florida beach near Miami. She was attempting to strike up a conversation with an elderly gentleman, who was one blanket down, reading a book..."Hello sir", she interrupted, "how are you today"??? "Fine, thank you", he responded, and turned back to reading his book. "I love the beach, do you come here often?" she asked. "First time since my wife passed away last year", he replied. "Do you live around here?" she asked. "Yes", he answered, returning to his book. Goldie persisted..."do you like pussycats?" With that, the man threw his book down, jumped up off his blanket onto hers,
whipped off his & her swimsuits and gave her the ride of her life. As the cloud of sand began to settle, Goldie asked the man, "How did you know that is what I wanted"??? He replied, "How did you know my name was Katz"???...........oops......rotflmao....go Goldie
Howard had felt guilty all day long. No matter how much he tried to forget about it, he couldn't. The guilt and sense of betrayal was overwhelming. But every once in a while he'd hear that small inner voice trying to reassure him, "Howard. Don't worry about it. You aren't the first doctor to sleep with one of your patients and you won't be the last." But invariably the other voice would bring him back to reality, "Howard. You're a veterinarian.".....eewwwwwwwwwwww Howard.....get a life man!
The Cards Hallmark Doesn't Print
So your daughter's a hooker,
and it spoiled your day.
Look at the bright side,
it's really good pay.
My tire was thumping.
I thought it was flat.
When I looked at the tire.
I noticed your cat.
Sorry!
You had your bladder removed
and you're on the mend.
Here's a bouquet of flowers
and a box of Depends.
You've announced that you're gay,
won't that be a laugh,
when they find out you're one
of the Joint Chiefs of Staff.
Happy Vasectomy!
Hope you feel zippy!
Cause when I had mine
I got real snippy.
Heard your wife left you.
How upset you must be.
But don't fret about it.
She moved in with me
You totaled your car.
And can't remember why.
Could it have been.
That whole case of Bud Dry?
Looking back over the years that we've been together,
I can't help but wonder:
What the hell was I thinking?
Congratulations on your wedding day!
Too bad no one likes your wife.
How could two people as beautiful as you have such an ugly baby?
I've always wanted to have someone to hold, someone to love.
After having met you, I've changed my mind.
I must admit, you brought Religion in my life.
I never believed in Hell 'til I met you.
As the days go by, I think of how lucky I am that you're not here to ruin it for me."
As you grow older, Mum, I think of all the gifts you've given me.
Like the need for therapy...
Thanks for being a part of my life!!!
I never knew what evil was before this!
Congratulations on your promotion.
Before you go, would you like to take this knife out of my back.
You'll probably need it again.
Someday I hope to get married, but not to you.
Happy Birthday! You look great for your age...
Almost Lifelike!
When we were together, you always said you'd die for me.
Now that we've broke up, I think it's time you kept your promise.
I knew the day would come when you would leave me for my best friend.
So here's his leash, water bowl and chew toys.
We have been friends for a very long time, what say we call it quits.
I'm so miserable without you, it's almost like you're here.
Congratulations on your new bundle of joy.
Did you ever find out who the father was?
You are such a good friend that if we were on a sinking ship and there was only one life jacket ....I'd miss you heaps and think of you often.
Your friends and I wanted to do something special for your birthday-so we're having you put to sleep.
Happy Birthday, Uncle Dad!! (available only in Alabama, Florida, Georgia, Mississippi & Texas)
Late one night at the insane asylum one inmate shouted, "I am Napoleon!" Another one said, "How do you know?" The first inmate said, "God told me!" Just then, a voice from another room shouted, "I did not!"..........ROTF
http://members.aol.com/johnny2849/babe.html
http://www.cybercomm.nl/~ivo/trivia.html
http://hometown.aol.com/magpieil6/lonesome.html
http://www.rit.edu/~jjk6447/espintro.html
http://www.allsands.com/HowTo/drivingonice_zdj_gn.htm
http://www.debsfunpages.com/mood1.htm
AllSunny4U'S INDEX PAGE FOR ALL OCCASIONS
http://www.geocities.com/allsunny4u_july/indexofpages.html
A Lesson in Computer Acronyms
BASIC: Bill's Attempt to Seize Industry Control
CD-ROM: Consumer Device, Rendered Obsolete in Months
COBOL: Completely Obsolete Business Oriented Language
DEC: Do Expect Cuts
DOS: Defective Operating System
IBM: I Blame Microsoft
ISDN: It Still Does Nothing
MACINTOSH: Most Applications Crash; If Not, The Operating System Hangs
MICROSOFT: Most Intelligent Customers Realize Our Software Only Fools Teenagers
OS/2: Obsolete Soon, Too
PENTIUM: Produces Erroneous Numbers Thru Incorrect Understanding of Mathematics
SCSI: System Can't See It
WINDOWS: Will Install Needless Data On Whole System
WWW: World Wide Wait
Two lesbians are out playing golf. They tee off and one's drive goes to the right; the other's goes to the left. One of them finds her ball in a patch of buttercups. She grabs a club and takes a mighty swing at the ball. She hits a beautiful second shot, but in the process she whacks the hell out of the buttercups. Suddenly a woman appears out of nowhere. She blocks the golfer's path and looks at her and says, "I'm Mother Nature, and I don't like the way you treated my buttercups. From now on, you won't be able to stand the taste of butter. Each time you eat butter you will become physically ill to the point of total nausea." The mystery woman then disappears as quickly as she appeared. Shaken, the woman calls out to her partner, "Hey, where's your ball?" "It's over here in the pussy willows." She screams back, "DON'T HIT THE BALL!!!!!! DON'T HIT THE BALL!!!!!!"..........Ummmmmm no comment.........lol
A Few Shorts for You
Lead your life so you won't be ashamed to sell the family parrot to the town gossip
When your wife asks, "Do I look fat"?
The correct response is, "Do I look stupid?"
When my wife says, "Do you know what we need to do?" it's a pretty safe bet that she doesn't really mean "we."
While my wife and I were shopping at a mall, a shapely young woman in a short, form-fitting dress strolled by. My eyes followed her. Without looking up from the item she was examining, my wife asked, "Was it worth the trouble you're in?" ...yeah...WAS IT?????.....HUH?
Two youngsters were walking home from Sunday School, each deep in his own thoughts. Finally one said, "What do you think about all this devil business we studied today?" The other boy replied thoughtfully, "Well, you know how Santa Claus turned out. This is probably just your Dad, too."..........lol
"Grandpa, I'm really proud of you," said the modish young lady. "What's to be proud of?" asked the old man. The young lady replied, "I noticed that when you sneeze, you put your hand in front of your mouth." "Of course," explained Grandpa. "How else can I catch my teeth???"..........lol...poor grandpa.....somebody buy him something for that
A comely redhead was thrilled to have obtained a divorce and dazzled by the skill and virtuosity of her lawyer, not to mention his healthy income and good looks. In fact, she realized, she had fallen head over heals in love with him, even though he was a married man. "Oh, Sam," she sobbed at the conclusion of the trial, "isn't there some way we can be together, the way we were meant to be?" Taking her by the shoulders, Sam proceeded to scold her, "Snatched drinks in grimy bars on the edge of town, lying on the phone, hurried meetings in sordid motels rooms - is that really what you want for us?" "No, no..." she sobbed, heartsick. "Oh," said the lawyer. "Well, it was just a suggestion."
Well that will do it for today. Hope you enjoyed it. Have a wonderful weekend and I will see you back here on Tuesday.
Big Hugs,
Donna
