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Good morning all. Hope you are all doing well
today. Well, here we are....Hump Day. Half way through the week. Aren't we
just thrilled....lol. Ok, I'll stop now. Thanks to all of you who have written
such supporting notes while I have been doing the Funnies for Mike. It has
made this much more enjoyable. Ok, let's see what we have today. Today is
Charles Dickens Day.
Ok, everyone go and get a good story by Charles Dickens and read it. A little
extra reading is good for you. Ok, if you don't have time for a book, how
about the Funnies. Let's get to it shall we?
For those tired of the usual "friend" poems, a touch of reality.
* When you are sad, I will get you drunk and help you plot revenge against the scum sucking bastard who made you sad.
* When you are blue,..........I'll try to dislodge whatever's choking you.
* When you smile,............I'll know you finally got laid.
* When you are scared,.........I will rag you about it every chance I get.
* When you are worried,.........I will tell you horrible stories about how much worse it could be and to quit whining.
* When you are confused,.......I will use little words to explain it to your dumb ass.
* When you are sick......... Stay away from me until you're well again, I don't want whatever you have.
* When you fall......I will point and laugh at your clumsy ass.
* This is my oath...............I pledge till the end. Why you may ask?........Because you're my friend.
Send to ten of your closest friends and don't get depressed if you only have 2 friends, and one's not speaking to you right now anyway.
An elephant is drinking out of a river when he spots a turtle asleep on a log. The elephant ambles over and kicks the unsuspecting turtle clear across the river. "Why did you do that?" asks a passing giraffe. "Because I recognized it as the same turtle that took a nip out of my trunk 47 years ago." "Wow, what a memory!" says the giraffe. "Yes," says the elephant. "Turtle recall.".......rotflmao, well you know they say elephants don't forget anything...lol
In California, there's a 6-month waiting period for filing for divorce, but only a 15-day waiting period for buying a handgun. It's nice to know the government is giving us advice on how to work out our problems.
When I was younger I hated going to weddings ...it seemed that all of my aunts and the grandmotherly types used to come up to me, poking me in the ribs and cackling, telling me, "You're next." They stopped that shit after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals........I bet they did......lol
Thanks Tonia!
Donna's Valentine Story Place!
http://www.angelfire.com/bc2/donna/valentinesday.html
Happy Valentine: Links, E-Pals, Messages, Downloads, Quiz, Poetry, Postcards, E-Cards
http://www.webfair.net/valentine/
Lovingyou.com: Love, Romance and Relationship Resources
http://holidays.lovingyou.com//index.shtml
http://www.mydearvalentine.com/
http://www.historychannel.com/cgibin/frameit.cgi?p=http%3A//www.historychannel.com/
exhibits/valentine/
http://www.seductionpalace.com/library/poems/poems.html
Thanks DesiRee!
Tongue twisters, Zungenbrecher, Trabalenguas, Skorogovorki
http://www.uebersetzung.at/twister/
The sweet young thing was telling the Evangelist that she had been sleeping in another bedroom since she had caught her husband sleeping with the neighbor. "It's your duty to forgive him, my child," intoned the minister as he patted her hand. She fell into his arms gently sobbing. "But..." he added, as his grip tightened, "How'd ya like to get even with the son of a bitch first?"
A little Bush Bashing here.....I personally got tired of the election mess a long time ago, but this is kind of cute.
Come and listen to my story 'bout a boy name Bush.
His IQ was zero and his head was up his tush.
He drank like a fish while he drove all about.
But that didn't matter 'cuz his daddy bailed him out.
DUI, that is. Criminal record. Cover-up.
Well, the first thing you know little Georgie goes to Yale.
He can't spell his name but they never let him fail.
He spends all his time hangin' out with student folk.
And that's when he learns how to snort a line of coke.
Blow, that is. White gold. Nose candy.
The next thing you know there's a war in Vietnam.
Kin folks say, "George, stay at home with Mom."
Let the common people get maimed and scarred.
We'll buy you a spot in the Texas Air Guard.
Cushy, that is. Country clubs. Nose candy.
Twenty years later George gets a little bored.
He trades in the booze, says that Jesus is his Lord.
He said, "Now the White House is the place I wanna be."
So he called his daddy's friends and they called the GOP.
Gun owners, that is. Falwell. Jesse Helms.
Come November 7, the election ran late.
Kin folks said "Jeb, give the boy your state!"
"Don't let those colored folks get into the polls."
So they put up barricades so they couldn't punch their holes.
Chads, that is. Duval County. Miami-Dade.
Before the votes were counted five Supremes stepped in.
Told all the voters "Hey, we want George to win."
"Stop counting votes!" was their solemn invocation.
And that's how George finally got his coronation.
Rigged, that is. Illegitimate. No moral authority.
Y'all come vote now. Hear?
Here's all the proof we need...sex does help burn those calories and helps keep you in shape, so get out there and burn those calories....hehehe
Calories Burned During Sex
Sex is the most practical and funniest way of losing weight
Look how many calories you can burn:
* TAKING OFF THE CLOTHES
With her agreement - 12 cal
Without her agreement - 187 cal
* TAKING OFF THE BRA
With both hands - 8 cal
With one hand - 12 cal
With one hand being slapped - 37 cal
With the mouth - 85 cal
* PUTTING ON THE CONDOM
With erection - 6 cal
Without erection - 315 cal
* PRELIMINARIES
Trying to find the clitoris - 8 cal
Trying to find G spot - 92 cal
Without caring at all - 0 cal
* WHEN DOING IT
Holding her up - 12 cal
Just on the floor - 8 cal
* POSITIONS
Daddy-mummy - 12 cal
69 laying - 8 cal
69 standing up - 112 cal
Trolley - 216 cal
Italian chandelier - 912 cal
* HAVING AN ORGASM
Real - 112 cal
Fake - 315 cal
* POST ORGASM
Staying in bed - 8 cal
Jumping off the bed - 36 cal
Explaining why you jumped off the bed -816 cal
* GETTING THE SECOND ERECTION
Between 16 and 19 years of age -12 cal
from 20 to 29 - 36 cal
from 30 to 39 - 108 cal
from 40 to 49 - 324 cal
from 50 to 59 - 972 cal
over 60 - 2916 cal
* PUTTING ON THE CLOTHES
Quietly - 32 cal
Being in a hurry - 98 cal
Well, that's going to do it for today. I'm tired after all that calorie counting....lol. Enjoy your day and I will see you here tomorrow.
Big Hugs,
Donna
