| "Kate, The Dream Angel" |
| Copyright Francis Blow, 1997. |
| CHAPTER 6 |
| It was dark when Kate woke. |
| She was thirsty, her headache was still there, and she needed to go to the toilet. |
| Where was her torch? When she found the small light, Kate searched for something to relieve her head, drank a glass of water, then made her way to the amenities block. |
| Nobody was up, except for Kate. |
| She felt washed out, depressed and disgusted with herself. Not only had she made a fool out of herself, but she had hurt and insulted her brother, who was the only one to help her, and then she had ruined her parents' holiday even more than when she had been to hospital with the heat prostration. |
| Kate sat for a long time, feeling sorry for herself, her mum and dad, and for Sean. |
| Everything was her fault. They'd be better off without her. Maybe she should run away, and live in the streets like so many other kids, but then she'd be worse off than now. |
| There had to be a way of making it up to them. What could she do? Maybe get them presents? It was getting close to the feast of Christmas. No; they'd think she was changing religion or something equally dumb. |
| What did they want from her? Daddy was easy; all he wanted was for her to stay his little girl. Mum wanted Kate to be a helper and to grow up to be a good mother, herself. Sean? He would probably prefer if she stayed out of his way. |
| There had to be more! What was it? |
| Kate could not work it out. She did decide, though, to be a better daughter and sister than she had been. That was easy to decide, but she'd said that lots of times before. This time, it would be different. When she thought about what could have happened if Sean had not been there to help her, Kate's blood ran cold. |
| She went and washed her face in cold water, then looked at herself in the mirror. |
| She stared long and hard. |
| "It's time you grew up, Kathryn. You're thirteen, and if it wasn't for Sean, you could have been a mother at fourteen. Thank God for big brothers! No more tantrums, sulks or pretending to be Daddy's Little Girl. Tomorrow morning...this morning, you'll help Mum with everything. She hasn't had any holidays from cleaning clothes or tidying up after the rest of us. That's your job, Kate, from now on!" |
| Kate went back to bed, though she stayed awake for the rest of the night, thinking and making great plans for her future. |
| She was going to be a lot more choosy about who she went out with, from now on. Mum had a list of boys who she considered to be the "Right" kind of good, Jewish boy; sure, most of them were as interesting as a circumcision ceremony, but they had to have friends, didn't they? Somewhere out there had to be the boy who would satisfy her parents, and her, too. |
| |
| Kate watched her dad get out of bed and pull on his trousers. When he was gone to the ablution block, Kate set about preparing breakfast. |
| "Is that sausage and eggs?" Sean asked from his bunk. "I'm your devoted slave, Mum." |
| "Don't look at me, Sean. Thank your sister." Their mum said from the big bed. "Why the domesticity this morning, Kate?" |
| "I've decided I've been slacking off. Now I'm going to pull my own weight." |
| "I've heard that before!" Sean sneered. |
| Kate turned to him, a sharp answer ready, then changed her mind. "I guess you have, Sean." |
| "I could get to like this." Her mum smiled, and stretched. "Would it be too much to expect to be served in bed? I'd like to take advantage of your new maturity until..." |
| "Until it stops?" Kate finished. She grinned at her embarrassed mum. "I'm not offended, Mum. I know how slack I've been." |
| Her dad came back, freshly shaved face glowing. Kate gave him a bright "Good morning" kiss. |
| "Want to help me dish it out, Dad? That sausage is for you, and the other one's for Sean." She put plates in his hands, then began piling food on the plates. Kate made sure everyone was eating and had a cup of coffee, before she put anything on her own plate. When Sean started to get up for a slice of bread, Kate ordered him back into bed, while she brought one for him. After breakfast, it was Kate who cleaned up, while the others got dressed, and it was Kate who made the beds and collected the dirty clothes for washing. |
| |
| "I was thinking." Her dad began, when they were all having morning coffee outside. "Should we stay here, or go somewhere else, like the Whitsundays? We could book into a caravan park at Airlie Beach or Shute Harbour, and maybe go for a cruise. Any ideas?" |
| Kate wanted to jump up and shout "Hooray!", instead she listened to Sean and their mum. Sean was keen on the idea, though he wondered about the fishing. |
| "There's lots of fish, Sean. The trick is in catching them." Their father grinned. |
| "This will eat into our reserve money." Her mum said. "It will probably mean going home a few days early." |
| Kate thought about it, then said. "It's the Christmas season, Dad. Won't all the caravan parks there be full?" |
| "It would take a couple of phone calls to find out. We can discuss it further, or do you all want to decide now?" |
| The decision was to go, as long as there was room for them to camp. Sean went with their dad to call the motor club booking service, while Kate and her mum put a load of washing out. |
| |
| "Here's the story." Her dad announced when he returned. "We can get space for the van only if we're there by seven o'clock tonight. It's ten thirty now. Say half an hour to get ready, and I reckon we can make it. Are you willing to try?" |
| It was unanimous. They rushed around madly packing things away, including the still wet washing, and saying good bye to their friends. The fuel tank was filled, and they were off. |
| |
| Kate dozed without really resting. |
| Occasionally she would get a kind of floating sensation, before something jolted her awake. |
| They had eaten a takeaway lunch of ready made sandwiches after their first fuel stop. Kate felt queasy, as her stomach had not quite gotten over the hangover. She was determined not to tell anyone though, because it might mean slowing them down, and missing out on the camp grounds. |
| She suffered in silence, not willing to even groan. She only prayed that it would not all be for nothing, and that they could get there in time. |
| The hours and kilometres crawled by. |
| Surely it would be okay for Dad to drive over the speed limit a little, this once? Kate started to develop a headache. She was noticeably pale when they did register in the new park. |
| "Are you ill, Kate?" Her mum asked. "Why didn't you tell me?" |
| "We would have been late, and not been able to camp here. Can I have something for my head?" |
| After her shower, Kate managed to keep down a glass of milk, then she brushed her teeth, and went to bed. She did not hear Sean put his foot beside her head, as he climbed to the bunk above her. |
| |
| Almost the moment her eyes closed, Kate was winging towards the Gate. |
| Bill was waiting for her. |
| "I expect us to be busy tonight. It's one of the worst times for road accidents." Bill told her. "I'm glad to see how well you're coping with what happened at the dance." |
| "I didn't think I was coping well at all." Kate shook her head. |
| "This sort of thing is never easy, Kate, believe me, but look at what's happened today. Sean's your friend again, and your whole family was excited about the next part of the holiday, instead of some missing out on something, because somebody else was doing something the others didn't want to do." |
| Kate blinked at him. "That's easy for you to say. How did that go again?" |
| Bill laughed, and Kate joined in. |
| Contrary to Bill's expectations, they did not have many people to take Home; there were two motorcyclists to take to the Gate, and a middle aged man who was glad to be rid of his cancer. |
| |
| "Bill, why am I doing this?" Kate asked. "I mean, why am I the one turning into an angel? Why not someone else?" |
| "There are many esoteric considerations. What it basically comes down to, is luck. You're it, Kate, just as we are." |
| "I feel uncomfortable with so many dead people." |
| "What do you mean, dead? Show me one person who's not alive, talking to old friends and new. There are a very few people who don't make it to the waiting room, and beyond. The ones who go to Hell are there because they consciously reject God, without remorse. As far as we're concerned, they're the ones who're dead, I guess, but I'd rather not think about what they're putting themselves through." |
| "I know all that, Bill. What I mean is...um, people suffering. Car accidents, sickness, all that stuff. I don't like to see people hurt. It hurts me, inside, when I see it." Kate explained. |
| "I'm glad, Kate. I feel exactly the same way. Maybe that's why we're the ones chosen, Kate. It's called empathy." Bill smiled his toothless smile. "Can you think of anyone better qualified than you to feel what the other person feels?" |
| Kate was at a loss for words. What could she say to that? Bill nudged one of her wings with his. "I'll show you one of the perks of your new career. You'll learn a bit of geography." |
| |
| Bill took Kate on a tour. |
| They saw the whole world, with a quick close-up of New York, London and Jerusalem. |
| "Now that you know you can travel, Kate, will you have time to help me?" Bill asked. |
| "That all depends." Kate gave him a wicked smile. "On how often we get to sing." |
| Bill put on a burst of speed, drawing ahead of Kate; he turned his head to peer at her between beats of his wing. "Christmas is only around the corner, Kate. It's one of our favourite days." |
| "How does it compare with Passover?" |
| "Why don't you hang around and see for yourself?" He challenged. |
| "Maybe I will. This could be more fun than I thought!" She yelled, increasing her own speed. Bill was still well ahead of her when they got to Kate's van. She kissed him to thank him for giving her the world to play in, then sank through the roof of the van, to her bunk, where she made herself ready for morning. |
| |
| Something groaned above Kate's head, waking her. She forced her eyes open in time to see a pair of feet dangling in front of her nose. Sean dropped to the floor with a loud thud. |
| "Who let the elephant in?" Their mum asked. |
| "Are you trying to tell us it's time to get up, Sean?" Their dad added. |
| "Sorry. It IS eight thirty, though." Sean pointed out. |
| "Eight thirty!" Kate repeated. "Then I've got another hour to go before I have to get dressed." |
| Her brother wanted to know what she meant, so she explained, "I'm sleeping her until the ten o'clock bus arrives." |
| "What if I said there's no bus coming?" |
| "Then I'll wait until a train gets here." Kate said, and turned her back to him, eyes closing. |
| Her bed clothes were gone before she could protest. "Give them back, Sean!" |
| "Quieten down, you two." Their dad ordered. "Sean, you're making all the beds up this morning." |
| Kate sat up, careful not to bump her head against the top bunk. She yawned, stood up and stretched. Then she asked what everyone wanted for breakfast. |
| "You don't need to make us breakfast every morning, baby." Her mum told her. |
| "I know, Mum. What would you like for breakfast?" |
| Her mum sat up and put pillows behind herself. "Since you insist, I'll have corn flakes, coffee and pineapple juice." |
| Kate prepared four breakfasts, while Sean made their bunks, and their dad went to shave. |
| "Mum. Can I make dinner tonight?" She asked on impulse. "Unless you plan on going somewhere." |
| "What will you make?" |
| "I'll work something out. Something summery." |
| "Oh, boy." Sean's voice was sarcastic. "Lettuce and tomato." |
| "Can I, Mum?" |
| "Sure, baby. I trust your judgment." Her warning eyes were on Sean, discouraging further sarcasm. |
| |
| After they had eaten, and Kate washed up, she searched her depleted clothes for something nice to wear out. |
| All she had clean was her jeans and a Hawaiian shirt. They would have to do until she replaced the dress she had ruined at the disco. |
| In her purse, Kate had sixty seven dollars, while in her head, she had a general idea for a menu. Ready, she set out for the nearby shops. |
| Kate had to force herself to avoid the fashion stores, and concentrate on her purpose. A grocery shop was first, then the fish co-op and finally a general store for ice-cream. Everywhere, buildings were decorated for the Christian holiday. |
| Some of it was too commercialised for her taste, though little kids might like it, Kate conceded. |
| She returned to the van almost an hour after beginning her shopping, and she would not let anyone see what she spent another hour preparing. Everything she made was packed carefully in containers, and hidden under other things in the fridge. Only when she was satisfied she could do no more before it was time to serve the meal, did Kate allow herself to think of taking a break. |
| The day was balmy and beautiful, so she changed into her bikini and joined the people in the swimming pool. When one of the teenage boys tried to start a conversation, Kate ignored him. She had no interest in more problems like those she had with Judd. All she wanted to do was soak and unwind. Kate felt at ease with the world. |
| Her dad found her later, and told her that lunch was ready. The four of them shared a pile of fish and chips and drank lemonade from wine glasses. |
| Kate enjoyed herself, exchanging jokes and starting a tickling war. She lost the battle, when the other three ganged up on her. |
| Once lunch was over, there was a choice of a half day tour out to South Molle Island, or a short cruise in a trimaran, under sail. Kate and her mum voted to go sailing, Sean wanted to see the island, and their dad decided not to vote since he liked both ideas. |
| |
| Kate stood on the pointy front of the yacht, that was called the bowsprit, and held onto ropes. The wind of their passage made her shirttails and hair stream behind her. |
| It was a glorious experience, and probably almost as much fun as flying like a bird. |
| The vast ocean spread out around her, and all Kate could hear was the hiss and slap of water against the hull. |
| She stayed balanced on the bowsprit for over half an hour, and only gave up her vantage point when Sean kept accusing her of being selfish. Kate climbed to the deck, obviously reluctant, and joined her parents where they were talking to the three man crew. |
| One of the crewmen was old and as weathered as an ancient tree; George told stories of days gone by, when he first learned to sail in 1911, in Spain. He spoke of old wars and becoming a sailor when he was not much older than Sean, by lying about his age. Kate listened, rapt in the images he created in her imagination. |
| Countries and people, lost in times gone by, filled her mind's eye. |
| Kate was astonished when the skipper announced that they were about to pull up to the wharf at Shute Harbour. She turned back to George, who was smiling at her in a way that left a warm glow inside her. |
| "You know, Miss, I had a niece like you, long ago, before... She was almost as pretty as you, our little Katarina, and all the boys would fight over who would carry her books from school." |
| Kate wondered if she heard him correctly. "Did you say her name was Katarina? I'm Kathryn." |
| "Ah, well. You look like a Kathryn. Hmm. Humph... Just you keep still, while I go below." George told her. Kate's mum advised her not to believe everything George said, because if his story was true the man would be well past a hundred years old. |
| The three-hulled yacht nudged gently against the public wharf before the old man returned. Kate remained sitting where he left her, until George came to her, holding out a small chain from which glittered a small pendant. For a moment, Kate worried that it was a cross, and she would have to refuse it. She was relieved to see it was a locket. |
| "Take this Katarina. Please. I meant to give it too you on your last birthday, but I forgot." |
| Kate blinked at him. |
| Was George mixed up in his memories? He was very old, after all. |
| She looked at her parents, who offered no hints on how to handle the situation. |
| Kate turned back to the old man, and her heart ached at the eager innocence in his faded eyes. "Thank you, Uncle George. It's beautiful." |
| George's whole face lit up with joy, and Kate kissed him. "I have to go now, Uncle. I'll keep this forever." |
| Kate's mum had tears in her eyes, when they walked away from the wharf. When Kate opened the tiny clasp, she saw the locket held only an inscription: 'Best wishes and all my love on your thirteenth birthday, Kate. Your Uncle George.' |
| Kate stared at the locket all the way back to the van, though she could no longer make out the words through her blurred eyes. |
| Katarina was...had been thirteen, too? |
| |
| Kate was wearing George's locket, when she chased her family out of the van at six thirty that evening. |
| From the fridge she took all the ingredients for their dinner, and arranged them artistically on the four plates she set on the table. |
| "Lady and gentlemen! Dinner is served." She called after opening the door. |
| Kate grinned from ear to ear when her family complimented her on the table. Especially when Sean said "Wow! Excellent food, Kate." |
| There were prawn cocktails, tropical fruit salad, shredded crab meat mixed with mayonnaise; and there was the usual salad. After the meal was eaten, Kate served up ice-cream and strawberries to finish it off. Her dad and Sean patted their stomachs to show how full they were, and Kate was glad; her mum smiled and smiled. |
| As a special favour, her dad took them to a public phone and called his mother, Grandma Hannah; each of them spoke to Grandma, who was happy they were enjoying themselves. Only after the phone was hung up, did Kate's parents exchange concerned glances, though they said nothing. |
| Later, after they had all showered, there was coffee over a game of cards. |
| Everything was perfect. |
| |
| As Kate flew, she realised her wings must be working against imaginary air, because angel wings worked in space, too. |
| Kate took no more notice, it was just another miracle at the outskirts of Paradise, like her 'breathing'. |
| First, she went to check on the girl whose soul had been lost, but the hospital room had a different patient. The girl must have recovered, and Kate was pleased. |
| |
| She flew away from the darkened half of the world, towards the sunlight. The curved horizon grew lighter as she progressed forward and upward. The glowing ball of the Sun rose towards Kate. |
| From high above the clouds, the Earth gives the appearance of vastness. Fly a few kilometres higher, above the atmosphere that sustains life on the planet, and the world becomes a magnificent picture which the mind can accept; its main colours are blue and white, with other hues dabbed here and there. |
| Kate crossed the great, empty South Pacific, and arrived at South America. Jungles and mountains predominated; only a few cities were occasionally recognisable from her height. Kate dropped low every now and then to get a better view of anything out of the ordinary, such as the ruins of a city, high atop a mountain and filled with wisps of clouds. Turning north, Kate made her way to the Caribbean Sea, and would have carried on to North America, except she felt a pull, drawing her down and to her left. She curved to the east, over a group of islands, and wondered if one of them was Cuba. |
| Her instinct took her to a small island near the tip of the chain, almost to a peninsula that jutted out from the main island. |
| Kate knew there was something out of the ordinary happening, when she passed several other fliers, each carrying a passenger. |
| A bus lay overturned in a muddy ditch. Kate's passenger was waiting for her; a chubby, middle-aged woman, who had got over her initial shock, and was happy to see Kate. |
| "Hah, little one!" She greeted Kate. "How can one so skinny carry someone as big as Theresa, eh? You have no muscles, little bird!" |
| "I do what is needed, and what I need is given to me. Are you ready to go Home? Is there anyone here you want to go with?" |
| "No, little bird. My husband and babies are waiting for me at our house, and I am sad that they will miss me. Ah, there is the pity of dying. It is not the fright or pain, which passed quickly for me, it is knowing that they will wait so long without having me to put my arms around them." |
| "They will grow strong, Theresa, because they will always have good memories of you. Now it's time for you to meet those people you have been waiting for." Kate touched the woman's plump shoulder, and lifted her easily. |
| "Papa is waiting?" The woman's eyes shone with joy and excitement. |
| "It is not for me to know." Kate admitted; all the too-clever answers she had given other people were bothering her. It was time to stop acting the smarty-pants and realise she was no better than anyone else. |
| Together, they flew to the Gate, with the woman talking most of the way; she kissed Kate good-bye before she joined the line going past the two doors. |
| There was a loud slam, as the claw took another woman from the line. It was over in the blink of an eye, though it left Kate trembling with uneasiness. Kate doubted if she would get used to the idea of what lay behind the big, first door. |
| A movement on the edge of her vision caused Kate to turn her head. Brown wings brushed gently against her white feathers. Mary was beside her. |
| "Busy?" Mary queried. |
| "Not very. Did you just get here, or were you working?" |
| "Just hanging around. I'm not sure where Bill's got to, but I think he might be getting On-The-Job training as a real angel, on the other side of the narrow door." She jerked a thumb in the indicated direction. |
| "Training?" Kate widened her eyes. "I never thought about him needing any extra training. What do you think he might be learning?" |
| "Who knows. How to play the harp or the trumpet, maybe." |
| "Or the didgeridoo?" Kate suggested. Mary rolled her eyes and shook her head, only to stop and peer towards the distant narrow door. |
| "That's Bill, I think... Hey, Bill!" Mary waved. |
| The winged figure, small with distance, and darker than most, waved back. |
| The girls flew to meet Bill halfway. He was flying faster than usual, and when he was close, he signalled for them to follow him. |
| "Wonder what's up?" Mary said aloud. |
| Kate tried to shrug, and only succeeded in losing her wing rhythm. "Where are you taking us, Bill?" |
| "We're taking Mary Home first, then you and I have things to talk about, Kate." |
| "It's not morning yet." Mary protested. "Is something wrong?" |
| "Some of your tribe have been partying all night, and they're going to wake the children." Bill replied. |
| "I hate it when they do that. I get so tired when I'm dragged out of bed in the middle of the night." Mary sighed loudly. "I bet that they're all as drunk as skunks, too." |
| Kate wondered if she was in some kind of trouble, since Bill wanted to talk to her alone. Bill said no more, until they reached the aboriginal reserve. |
| A truck and a couple of cars were meandering down a dirt road, towards several dilapidated buildings. The three fliers passed through the roof of a corrugated iron hut, to where several children and teen-agers were sleeping. |
| "See you soon, Mary." Bill told her. "It's Christmas Eve this evening, and there's something very special and important going to happen for you." |
| "Really? What is it?" Mary was eager to know. |
| "You'll find out next time you see us, Mary. Now into bed, as they're coming for you." |
| Mary settled to the floor, picked up a dirty, cotton shift and put it on. Seconds later, she was under a blanket, with her eyes closed. |
| Her wings faded away, as Mary drifted off to sleep. |
| "What's happening, Bill?" Kate asked. "There's something in the air I'm not sure about." |
| "I told you, we're taking Mary Home, Kate. Mary's not going to wake up." Bill explained. "You might not want to watch. One of Mary's aunts is going to fall on Mary, and, well... You and I will take her Home." |
| "Mary? Why?" Kate was shocked. "She's not ready to be a real angel yet!" |
| "How do you know? I sure don't. Kate, it's not something being done on purpose. It's hasn't got anything to do with being ready. Neither you, nor I, can stop it." |
| "Can't you ask someone for a miracle?" Kate pleaded. |
| "Sure I could. With no guarantee a miracle will happen." Bill agreed. "Now think about it. What would it achieve?" |
| "She'd be alive!" Kate exploded angrily. |
| "You really haven't taken this in, yet, Kate. There are no balances or equations to how long we live. Nothing is preordained, except that we must all pass from the material world into this world, eventually. Some people will go Home sooner than others, by accident or illness. It's only when life is taken deliberately that it's wrong, because the life taker is saying he or she is more important than God, Who gives us life in the first place." |
| Kate shook her head, even though what Bill said did make a kind of sense. |
| Voices were approaching from outside the hut. Several adults were coming, and they sounded very drunk. |
| "Now is the time to go, Kate." Bill suggested. "If you stay, you'll only get upset. Wait above the roof for us, okay?" |
| Kate turned from him, to watch Mary, who slept peacefully. |
| The door to the room opened, and a large woman came in, staggering, and laughing at someone else, outside. Kate hesitated a moment, then flew through the ceiling. Seconds after Kate was above the hut, she heard a thump, and then children's voices as they were roused from sleep. |
| Mary was the first to join Kate, with Bill close behind. |
| "Kate! Guess what!" Mary exclaimed in excitement. "I'm a real angel, now! Isn't that absolutely unreal?" |
| Mary's joy eventually overcame Kate's uneasiness. After all, what had changed between them? The only differences, after all, was that Mary did not have to leave each morning and that Mary could pass through the waiting room. |
| The more Kate thought about it, the more she started wondering if maybe Mary was the luckier one, after all. Mary certainly gave not the slightest indication that she was anything but overjoyed with what happened to her. |
| Mary was anxious to get to the Gate and the narrow door that led to the waiting room. |
| "Do I have to do time in the waiting room before I get to see Him?" Mary asked of Bill. |
| "I'm afraid so, Mary. I'm not ready either, though I'd bet you get through before I do." |
| "Why's that?" Mary was surprised. Kate listened carefully to his answer. |
| "Since I had a much longer life, I had more opportunity to pile up stumbling blocks against my making a fast passage through the waiting room." |
| "I haven't exactly been an angel in my other life." Mary admitted. |
| "So? Show me anyone you know who is perfect?" Bill challenged. "Now stop talking, and let's get you Home, Mary. Then we can let Kate join her family. Christmas Eve is about to start, and Kate will be joining us for the singing. You, Mary, have a few things you need to know, before Kate meets us again." |
| |
| Kate felt unhappy when she woke up. She must have had a depressing dream. |
| Sean was still snoring in the bunk above Kate's head. Her parents were whispering together in their wider bed, and ignored Kate as she got dressed. The only thing Kate heard was something about Grandma Hannah. |
| All she had decent to put on were a fresh T-shirt and the jeans from yesterday. |
| She absolutely had to do something about her holiday wardrobe. Maybe she could borrow enough off her dad to get a new dress. Dad was always easier to con than her mum. Kate walked past her parents and wiggled her fingers good-bye. |
| "I'm going for a walk to the beach, okay?" |
| "Aren't you joining us for breakfast?" Her mum asked. |
| "I'm not that hungry. I'll have something later." |
| "I don't blame you." Her dad said. "I'm still full from last night, too. You're a wonderful cook, Kate." |
| Kate grinned. Her dad sounded as if he really meant it. |
| Kate blew them each a kiss, picked up her purse and left the van. As she walked towards the shops, Kate counted her remaining wealth. Nineteen dollars and sixty five cents. She would see what was available to buy, then come back and see her dad for whatever extra she might need. |
| |
| There were lots of clothes shops, though many of them were still shut. |
| One of the open places, a boutique sandwiched between a diving shop and a milk bar, was only about three metres wide. In it was mostly swim wear and beach wraps, though Kate found two pretty frocks she liked: one was blue, with a drop waist and a seagull across the front, and cost forty eight dollars; the other was pastel orange, backless and had pockets in the skirt; it was on sale for twenty six dollars. Both were worth considering, if nothing better came along. |
| Kate kept browsing, as more shops started to open. |
| Most of the things Kate liked were too expensive, or in the wrong sizes, while all the rest were too obviously for tourists. |
| Kate went back to the first shop, and tried on the blue dress. It looked good on, but it was scratchy. The little orange frock, fortunately, was very comfortable, and was prettier on than Kate thought it would be. Kate stood in front of the mirror thinking about how it made her look. It certainly felt great for the summer weather. All she had to do was ask her dad for a loan of seven dollars. |
| She was still studying the dress when the owner came to help her. |
| "That dress is gorgeous on you. Are you getting it for a Christmas party?" The woman asked. |
| "I just want something nice to wear out. I tore my other dress. But I'm not sure about this one. There's no back, and I might get sunburned." Kate did not want to appear too eager for the dress, in case the woman might be willing to bargain for it. |
| The owner eyed Kate speculatively for a moment, then smiled. "What if I throw in a hat that matches it? Wait a second, while I get it." |
| Shortly, Kate was trying on a wide, lacy hat, in the same shade as the dress. "Twenty six dollars for the two of them?" Kate checked. |
| "If you buy it now." |
| "Can I leave a deposit, and come back? I've got nineteen." Kate offered. |
| |
| Kate hurried to the van, where she found her dad getting ready to go fishing. |
| "Daddy-Darling." She took his elbow in her hands, and gave him her best 'Good little girl's smile. |
| "How much is this going to cost me?" He groaned. |
| "I need to get another dress, and I don't have enough money. Could you please lend me seven dollars? Please, Daddy?" |
| |
| Victorious, Kate returned to the boutique, and claimed her frock and hat. |
| With her jeans and T-shirt in a shopping bag, Kate wore the new outfit back, in time for her dad to see where the money had gone. |
| Even Kate's mum was impressed. "That's a real bargain, baby. I should get you to help me buy my clothes, in future. We'd save a fortune." |
| "Was that spend a fortune, you said?" Kate's dad wanted to know. |
| After he and Sean went off fishing, Kate and her mum had a morning coffee together, and talked about what they would do with the rest of the school holidays, once they got back home. |
| Kate wanted to have a pyjama party for all of her friends. |
| "Oh, yes?" Her mum folded her arms across her chest. "When would you have this party, and who's organising it?" |
| "Um, how about the second Friday after we're back? All I need is a few videos, and I'll tell each girl to bring some munchies and sleeping bags or something." |
| "What about your brother? I don't think Sean would fit in too well." |
| "No problem, Mum, I'll lend him one of my nighties!" Kate grinned. "He can go stay with a friend, or he and Dad can go fishing. Whatever." |
| "I think we'd better talk about this when the boys are back." |
| Kate shrugged her shoulders. "How about we go for a swim in the pool?" |
| |
| Kate and her mum floated in the swimming pool. |
| They had raced against each other and were a close match, the winner generally being the one who managed to beat the other from the start. Very few other swimmers joined them, as most of the people in the caravan park were Christians, and were making preparations for Christmas Eve. |
| There was little that needed doing until lunch time, when Kate and her mum made a pile of sandwiches, which they carried to where Sean and her dad were fishing. |
| "What did you catch?" Kate's mum asked, as she and Kate reached the fishermen, out on a jetty. |
| "Sean got a nice rock cod, after a real fight, and I've got three good sized tailor." Kate's dad replied. |
| The four of them shared the sandwiches and cans of soft drink, while Sean told them all how hard it had been to catch the rock cod. Later, Kate and her mum went exploring around the rocks, collecting shells, and peering into rock pools. Before they knew it, afternoon drew into evening, and it was time to start getting dinner ready. |
| |
| Some of their neighbours in the caravan park were organising a community party, and invited Kate's family. |
| Sean and their parents thought it would be nice to go, yet Kate felt tired and suggested an early night. |
| "Come on, Kate," Sean prompted her, "You can sleep in the morning!" |
| Reluctantly, she agreed. At first she regretted going, until she met Hayden. |
| Hayden was tall, fourteen and the handsomest man Kate ever met, and was a real gentleman. The only sour note, as far as Kate was concerned, was that Hayden planned on becoming a Baptist minister, like his own father. |
| By midnight, however, Kate had taken Hayden's hand, and he kissed her "Good night" on the cheek. |
| "I hope we can stay in touch, Kate. We're going to a morning service. Will you be around afterwards? So we can exchange addresses?" |
| |
| Kate awoke to hear countless voices singing. |
| Her own voice joined the chorus before she was in the sky. |
| More attuned to the people around her, Kate sensed the excitement which charged every soul. First Bill, then Mary joined her, and even the angel who had talked to her about life and death was nearby; though he did not join them, the angel smiled and waved. Kate waved back, filled to bursting with the love she first experienced during Jumada I. |
| |
| Later, Kate asked Bill if Christ was the Son of God. |
| "Hmm. The simple answer is 'Yes'," Bill answered gravely, "and the complicated answer is 'Yes', too. We're all God's children. I'd love to go into it further, Kate, but this is the wrong time for evangelism. In this, you must find your own answers, but to get the right answers, you must ask the right questions." |
| Kate sighed. "One day I'll get a straight answer." |
| Mary laughed. "I haven't seen too many flying pigs, have you? You've got a better chance of seeing a pig sprout wings, than of getting straight answers around here." |
| "Come on, you two." Bill ordered. "Kate's got someone to take Home." |
| That someone turned out to be 'Uncle' George, who left the Earth quietly, in his sleep. He was ecstatic about going Home, and Kate shared his joy when a young woman was waiting inside the waiting room for him. |
| "Katarina! My little darling!" George leaped through the door and swung his niece around. "Look, Kate! It's her!" |
| The two Kates smiled at each other, and one had tears flowing as the other led her uncle away from all his cares. |
| |
| Kate awoke with a start, as she felt her heart was close to bursting. |
| Her fingers came away from her cheeks wet with tears. |
| All she could recall of her dream was a vague sense of golden light and misty whiteness, and an aching emptiness, or loss of something beautiful. |
| "What the hell's wrong with me these days?" She demanded of herself. |
| Her mother whispered an invitation from the big bed, and seconds later, Kate was nestled between her parents, trying to explain why she was crying. |
| "Nothing's wrong with you, baby. It's part of the process of growing up." Her mother stroked her back. "Every girl who's going through puberty gets teary now and then. It's just the chemical changes taking place that throw everything out of whack." |
| "When will it stop? I thought all that was over." Kate sobbed. "It feels like the end of the world." |
| "I don't know, Katie love, no one knows." |
| "Why can't anyone ever give me answers?" Kate wailed, and turned to bury her face in her father's chest. |
| A strong hand tilted her chin up to look into his face. "No one can give you answers, Kate, because everyone's answer is different." |
| Kate lay between them until Sean woke, then she asked if she could talk to Grandma again. "I know it sounds silly, but I need to hear her voice." |
| "Yes you can, and no you're not." He kissed her forehead. "Call her after breakfast." |
| Kate stayed a while longer with her mother, after her dad volunteered Sean and himself to make breakfast. |
| |
| Hayden was just returning from the church service with his parents, when they saw Kate was walking to the public phone. |
| He got out of the car to walk with her. "I wrote my name, phone number and address down for you, but I left it in our cabin." He explained. "Would you like to get it after you call your grandmother?" |
| Kate agreed, readily, cheered by Hayden's anxiousness to please her. Outside the closed general store, she slid her phone card into the telephone and dialled Grandma Hannah's number. |
| "Hello, Grandma. It's Kate! I wanted to hear you again... What? Oh, that's... I'll get Dad to ring you, okay? Promise I'll talk to you again, as soon as he gets back from fishing, about lunch time. Love you. 'Bye." |
| Hayden asked Kate if anything was the matter. |
| "She didn't say so, but I think Grandma is sick. She didn't sound herself, last time, and her voice was all strained just now. Come with me to my van, so I can tell Mum?" |
| Together, they jogged back. |
| Kate explained her suspicions to her mother, who directed Kate where to find her father. Hayden once more offered to accompany Kate. |
| "Let's go by my cabin, so I can change. It'll only take a few seconds, all right?" |
| Ten minutes later, they found Kate's father and Sean, fishing from a pier. |
| They left Sean with the fishing gear, while the three of them found a nearby phone. Kate's dad was a long time talking to Grandma Hannah, and repeatedly offered to drive straight through to be with her. |
| "Okay, Mum. Okay, how about I send Eva or one of the kids ahead by plane? No... Kate? I'm sure she'd... Just a moment, while I ask her." He put his hand over the mouthpiece, and turned to Kate, "Your Grandma's not feeling well, but she's okay. Would you mind flying down to stay with her until the rest of us can get there, in about four or five days? I'd go, but it's a long way for your mother to drive with the van." |
| "Of course I'll go, Dad." |
| It was not quite that simple, but a short time later, Kate was on her way to Proserpine airport. Her father drove the car, while her mother and brother stayed to pack the van. |
| Kate was on a plane bound for Sydney, without so much as a spare handkerchief; all she had was taxi fare to get to Grandma Hannah's. |
| |
| A couple of times she found herself nodding off to sleep on the plane, but she stayed awake. It was during the taxi ride she kicked herself for not getting Hayden's phone number, after all. She did not even know what city he lived in. Perhaps Hayden would leave the information with her parents? |
| Tired though she was after the long trip, Kate ran from the taxi and into her Grandma's house, where she was greeted with a big hug. |
| "My girl! Oh, Kate, I'm so glad you could come. Your room's all ready for you. Where's your bags?" |
| "Still in the van, Grandma. It's okay. I left some stuff last time I stayed, remember? And Dad promised to get here as soon as they could." |
| "I hope he drives carefully. He was always so impatient. Would you like a glass of cold milk? The groceries were delivered an hour ago, so it's all fresh. I know! Let's make a nice, big chocolate cake." |
| With the cake baking in the oven, Kate had a chance to get her breath back, and realised how wonderful it felt to be in familiar surroundings. She caught herself getting drowsy watching the TV, so she forced herself to get her little bedroom ready, laying out a pair of worn pyjamas for the night, so old they were tight everywhere. The other clothes in her wardrobe were small, too, so she rummaged through the things Sean had left there, until she found a reasonably decent set of clothes. |
| To lie in a familiar bed was so wonderful. |
| |
| Kate arched her wings and flew towards the Gate to Paradise. |
| Mary met her along the way. "So you did get home early, after all, Kate?" |
| "Thank goodness, for that. Though I wish I remembered Hayden's phone number. Do you think I'd be able to write it down where I'll find it in the daytime?" Kate suggested, hopefully. |
| "How would you explain it to yourself?" Mary shook her head. "If you like, we can drop in on your family, after we finish taking some people Home." |
| "That'd be great. Where to first?" |
| The night was spent mostly with old people who died in their sleep, and a ten year old boy who had cancer. Kate no longer suffered under any doubts about whether a death was fair or not. It was all the same in the end, for those who went Home, regardless of age, and only those left behind were the ones who were in pain. |
| Towards dawn, Bill joined the girls, as they dove to see Kate's family. |
| "I've been thinking, Bill." Kate began, and ignored Mary's "Oh, oh", as she pursued her question. "What purpose is served by the grief of those left on Earth when the people they love go to Heaven?" |
| "Does there need to be a purpose? You're right, though," he admitted, "and it's not going to sound reasonable, at first. There are different kinds of grief, so let's settle on one kind, where a child loves her parents. That's one of the purest and simplest kinds of love. If the parents die while the child is young, she experiences the loss of almost everything that makes up her world. Somehow, that child must replace what's missing. Does this make sense so far?" |
| He paused until Kate thought about it. "Good. Now let's get to the hard parts. Only a little of what is missing can be made up by other family members or step parents. Most of it has to come from inside the child, herself, and, almost always, it takes the form of memories, real or exaggerated. Unfortunately, that child can't stay locked in those memories, because it will leave no room for anyone in the future, and that's where grief comes in." |
| Even Mary was paying close attention, as Bill went on. "Somehow, the child must be weaned away from those memories, and it doesn't start gradually. Just like the first mouthful of cooked food enters a baby's mouth, and the first separation comes as a shock, with refusal and wailing for the breast, so too does grief start the process of weakening the memories. In the same way, growth can continue. I can see this is as clear as mud to the two of you." |
| Bill scratched his head. "It's a racial survival trait. Whether you believe in that Darwin bloke or not as to the theory of evolution, the Survival of the Fittest is important in any species. Those people who can endure and live with their grief, instead of succumbing to it, are the ones who go on to have strong children of their own." |
| "Hold it." Mary interrupted, a fraction of a second ahead of Kate. "Are you saying God only wants the strongest to survive, and stuff the rest? I absolutely refuse to believe that!" |
| "Damned right!" Kate scowled. "If you think that way, then that would make it all right for the strongest to kill the weakest?" |
| "Right. If that's all there is, which it isn't. What's the difference between right and wrong? Don't give me an answer. Think about it for a few dozen years. In the meantime, consider this: We all have primitive feelings which underlie the higher brain functions, but there is no real dividing line, and the important point is that no two people are the same. In fact no one person is the same from moment to moment. We develop as we grow, and grief is part of that growing process." |
| "Hold it. Stop." Kate broke in. "This is going over my head. Or are you talking in circles?" |
| "Circles, cycles. Call them what you like. Where's the problem?" Bill prompted. |
| "Give me a second. Where have I heard all this before?" Kate asked herself. "Mary?" |
| "Yeah, it does sound familiar." The older girl frowned. |
| "You've probably heard it several times a day, nearly every day of your life, in thousands of different variations and applied to every aspect of living." Bill said. "Let me quote a few clichés at you: No Pain No Gain, He Who Laughs Last Laughs Best, The Only Thing To Fear Is Fear Itself, Spare The Rod And Spoil The Child, and my favourite is Life Wasn't Meant To Be Easy. Mary, have you read the sura titled The House of Imran?" |
| "Uh, I think so. Which part did you mean?" |
| Bill smiled. "Then He sent down upon you, after grief, security." |
| Kate looked from one dark face to the other, and scowled, folding her arms across her chest. "What on earth are you going on about?" |
| At first no one answered, and Kate almost demanded further explanation, until she saw Bill was waiting for something. She shook her head, determined not to let him have the satisfaction of seeing her lose her temper. |
| |
| They reached Kate's family, and looked in on the peacefully sleeping trio. Kate kissed them all, and sang lightly, to send them happy dreams, then she left them, with Bill and Mary coming with her. |
| "I'm not a good Jew," Kate spoke, eventually, "and I don't know the Torah very well, so you might correct me. After God cast man out of Eden, didn't He say we were to suffer all the days of our lives?" |
| "Not exactly, Kate, but you have the intent right. If I mention the name Rabbi Moshe, what is your first memory. Quick!" Bill snapped so loudly Kate responded out of surprise, without a moment's thought |
| "We are here to suffer and die for the sins of all mankind." |
| "What follows?" Bill asked more gently. |
| "And then we will share His love for all eternity." Kate shook her head. "Fine, Bill, but where does it say I have to like it?" |
| "Nowhere. Where does it say I like it, or that the Heavenly Host likes it? What is, is. What happens on Earth developed because of the nature of all life and matter. What would happen if God constantly performed miracles to prevent all pain? What would that do to mankind?" Bill reached out and drew both teen-agers into his arms. "The pain of today becomes the joys of tomorrow. Now it's time to get Kate into her bed." |
