Hello ladies and gentlemen,
Wellcome to our Hairball Puking Championships. The contestants today are Starfighter's Mandy, Starfighter's Angel, Milkyway's Wigget, Milkyway's Melody and Milkyway's Joy. While the contestants are getting ready for the show, let me give you some info about them.
Starfighter's Mandy is a silver mackerel tabby, semi-longhair. There have been rumours she might not be able to appear at the championships, due to her human being so mean and thoughtless to comb her just a few hours before the start. But she is in good shape and told our reporter she felt absolutely fit to win.
Starfighter's Angel is a brown mackerel tabby, semi-longhair. She is Mandy's sister and eager to beat her opponents. In an interview half an hour ago she told our reporter she has taken any possible step to gain the victory and the prize - the last available can of tuna and salmon in jelly.
The other three opponents are unknown names in this game so far. This is the first year that they have qualified for the finals, and they might find it hard to compete as they have rather short hair.
All contestants have been checked for doping, none have been proven to have taken forbidden substances, such as chewing wool, licking the dogs, or eating crisps and/or chocolate.
And here they come, ladies and gentlemen! Mandy is the first to enter the living-room, and the audience is applauding like mad! Everybody felt sorry for her when it was said she might not be able to come, and everybody seems to be overjoyed that she is here now.
The first contestant, Milkyway's Joy, is ready to begin. But what's that? She doesn't even try to puke, she throws herself on the floor and starts rolling around! My God, she's in heat! What a sad, sad sight to see her give away the victory so easy! And as expected, she gets disqualified! That might well be the end of her career!
Now here comes Milkyway's Melody. Hmm... hmmm... hmmmmm... not bad. But very traditional, not arty at all. I suppose her performance won't win her much more than the relief that she got that hairball out.
The next to perform is Milkyway's Wigget. Dear, what a clown he is! This little step to the right, that neat sidekick... this is the funniest performance we have seen in ages, and the spectators are giving cheers. Here's a great comedian, and a real talent, and I suppose we'll be seeing him more often in the future.
Now that it's Starfighter's Mandy's turn, it's getting silent in here. Mandy is well known for her dramatic performances, and we can't wait to find out what she prepared for this championship. She's creeping on the floor... looking first left, then right... waiting for the right moment, it seems... yes, there she goes! Highly dramatic and very stylish! What a performance! And all in spite of that combing attack she has just been through! What a character she must be! Well, ladies and gentlemen, I suppose we have our winner.
Still, there's one more contestant to perform. Here comes Starfighter's Angel. She looks extremely fit and ready to rumble. But what does she do now? She jumps on her cat tree! Yes, ladies and gentlemen, she jumps straight onto the highest platform! And now... and now... this is unbelievable! She spits that hairball out, and it shoots down like a torpedo! What a highly unusual way!
Let's have a look at the jury. Boy, I wouldn't want to be in their shoes now, I really couldn't say which performance I liked best. But now they have the results ready, and the winner is...
ANGEL!!! Yes, Starfighter's Angel has won this year's Haiball Puking Championship, and if you ask me, I believe she deserves it. What a surprising idea to perform on a cat tree! Here comes her human with the last can of tuna and salmon in jelly.
I hope you've enjoyed the show, and see you again in the next year. Back to the studio.