Confidential, up close and personal with the stars

Stefan Olsdal, Placebo

What is your nickname and why?

"My fellow band members call me The Vulcan- as in Spock from 'Star Trek'. I'm quite logical, serious and deadpan. It's a Swedish thing- I haven't met many Swedes with a good sense of humor!"

At school were you a dunce or a teacher's pet?

"I was a teacher's pet, actually, in a vain attempt to try and fit in. I was a very good student and good at sport. Thank god, I switched all my efforts into music as a young teenager! I started playing drums first- then switched to guitar and bass so I could be seen more!"

What was your first shag like?

"I had my first shag at the then illegal age of 19- I could have had my boyfriend in jail! One of my greatest ambitions is to burn down the House of Lords, for saying the age of consent for gay sex has to be 18. Anyway, let's just say that sex has got better for me over the years. It's best when emotions are entwined with the physical pleasure."

Who is your best friend?

"I didn't have a lot of friends in my teenage years. I had very quiet sort of arms-length relationships. But I have a very good female friend, who I see quite a lot in London."

What's the best pet you've ever had?

"I've never had one. My parents bought a dog two years ago, though- that's serious unconditional love, which increases the more you feed it! I can see the attractions of having one..."

Have you ever been arrested?

"I got very close when I was 15, for stupid drunken juvenile behavior. We thought we were very clever, nicking the mirrors off cars. The police said, 'If you don't come clean we're calling your parents'- and we shat in our pants!"

What would you be if you weren't a rock star?

"I think I'd be in university! I like the idea of learning things and feeling your brain getting bigger- I don't wanna have no education- a part of me yearns for knowledge."

What's the most extravagant thing you've ever bought?

"A Baritone Fender 6 guitar, from the 60's and 70's. It cost me £3,000. You can play it like a guitar or bass."

How would you describe yourself on a blind date form?

"Oh Christ! Sensitive, well-mannered, quiet Swede searches for equally discerning and Latin-looking male!"

Who's gagging for a shagging?

"Lyden David Hall, the British soul singer. I'd never herad of him either, but he's gorgeous."

Who's gagging for a smacking?

"Right now, a couple of journalists from the 'NME', who have had an unnecessary go at us. That really wound me up recently. The backlash has begun- we're not 'indie' enough anymore!"

Who would you least like to see naked?

"The guy on the cover of the latest Fatboy Slim album."

What's the best rumour you've ever heard about yourself?

"People don't talk about me much. I'm like Buzz Aldrin, the second man on the moon! It has been rumoured, though, that's I've got a very large 'third leg'. I'd like that rumour to grow into fruition!"

What's in your wallet?

"I don't have it with me. My trousers are too tight to put anything in them!

What's your favourite joke?

"I'm really bad at jokes. I'm not a very good storyteller. One time, though- and this isn't actually a joke, as such- I went up to Billy Corgan very drunk, with tour laminates clipped on my nipples, and asked him whether his approach to music had changed since he shaved his head. He wasn't amused."

If you were marooned on a desert island without food, which member of Placebo would you choose to eat first?

"Eat?! Oh, you mean foodwise! No that's really unfair! It's family!"

Which Placebo sing would you choose to donate to a compilation album entitled 'Crap Songs of Our Time'?

"You horrible person! It'd have to be something off our first demos, like 'Daddy's Whore'. But even something silly and juvenile like that has a soft spot in my heart."

What's your drug of choice?

"Weed's doing my head in at the moment, so I'm off that. It's got to be pure Swedish Absolut vodka. It's the cleanest thing for your liver!"

What does god look like?

"He's invisible. I don't believe in god- I believe more in karma. hat you give out, you get back."

When you die, how do you want to go?

"I'd have my first- and last- injection of heroin."


(Kerrang 2000)