These are real bumper stickers seen on cars here in Phoenix

On a DPS vehicle - "It could be worse, I could be behind you!" (thanks gr8pmkn)

All the world is a stage and, I missed rehearsal.

Boldly go where everyone’s already been, but at discount rates.

Consistent change is here to stay.

Couldn’t afford to fix my brakes, so I made my horn louder.

Danger! Attention Span Exceeded!

Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.

As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in public schools.

Laugh alone and the world will think you are an idiot.

Sometimes I wake up grumpy; sometimes I let him sleep.

Montana - At least all the cows are sane!

The gene pool could use a little chlorine.

I didn’t fight my way to the top of the food chain to become a vegetarian.

Your kid may be an honor student, but you are still an IDIOT!

It’s as bad a you think, and they ARE out to get you.

Smile. It’s the second best thing you can do with your lips.

I took an IQ test and the results were negative.

Okay, who stopped the payment on my reality check?

Time is the best teacher. Unfortunately it kills all of it’s students.

It’s lonely at the top, but you eat better.

Reality? That is where the pizza delivery guy comes from.

Forget about world peace … Visualize using your turn signal!

Warning: Dates in calendar are closer than they appear.

Give me ambiguity or give me something else.

We are born naked, wet, and hungry. Then things get worse.

He who laughs last thinks slowest!

Always remember you’re unique, just like everyone else.

Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math.

Very funny Scotty. Now beam down my clothes.

Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere may be happy.

Consciousness: that annoying time between naps.

I souport publik edekasion.

We are Microsoft. Resistance Is Futile. You Will Be Assimilated.

Be nice to your kids. They’ll choose your nursing home.

There are 3 kinds of people: those who can count & those who can’t.

Ever stop to think, and forget to again?

I like you but I wouldn’t want to see you working with subatomic particles.

I killed a 6-pack just to watch it die.

If Clinton is the answer, then it must have been a stupid question.

I’m a corporate executive, I keep things from happening.

Save a horse. Ride a cowboy