THE CAT TEST 

To accurately identify emotionally disturbed individuals, Foster, Algozinne and Kamffman (A Practical Approach to Personality Testing at the Grade Level, the Cat Test, Journal of Irreproducible Results, in press) developed this test for professionals, parents and aides. 

It involves three simple steps: 

1.	place testee in empty room facing far wall 
2.	place cat in centre of room, close and latch door and
3.	after 10 minutes open the door . 

Foster et al note that the cat test allows fine discriminations between subsets of emotional disturbance. They offer the following guidelines for 

* OBSESSIVE COMPULSIVE -four neat, meticulous piles of fur to be found in the corners of the room -cat alive but cold 

* SOCIALISED DELINQUENT -fur scattered randomly about room and on testee -cat alive but still cold 

* MANIC/DEPRESSIVE -Manic state: pieces of cat scattered randomly around room -cat terminated. Depressive state: pieces of testee scattered randomly around room -emotional stability of cat suspect . 

*PARANOID REACTION -testee cowering in far corner of room -cat alive and sleeping in centre of room 

*SCHIZOPHRENIC REACTION -testee in centre of room carrying on long existential conversation with cat -cat alive but confused 

*NEUROTIC REACTION -testee asking cat for advice about migraine headache -cat alive and still confused 

-CATATONIC REACTION -testee in corner of room with back arched, hair on end, hissing and refusing to acknowledge presence of cat -cat alive, confused and sexually aroused .