Something Disguised as Poetry

All poems are written and copywritten by Pandorra 2001/2002 unless otherwise noted. Do not copy and/or paste without asking!!!

the only word I think of when you cross my mind these days

it's the way I feel when I think about my feelings for you

I think of her and envy her the perfect life she has

I take apart his little flaws and reassemble them to become fatal...

The crimes she has committed...ones she'll never know

Let’s talk about guilt. Let’s talk about how fucked up I am. Let’s talk about failure. Let’s talk about weakness. Let’s talk about pathetic. It’s all about me Baby; don’t you know that by now?

Can’t even prevent myself from falling. Can’t grab onto the edge, stop myself from devastation. Have no desire, have no wants. Don’t deserve the things I “need,” don’t deserve the things that prevent, don’t deserve the peaceful dreams.

Might as well say goodbye, might as well pack it all up, might as well just go home. Wish I had a home, wish I had a bag to pack, almost wish it mattered.

Hating myself for being myself. Hating myself for breathing, thinking, bleeding. Still can’t find enough worthwhile. Couldn’t even cash in my body in for blood. Couldn’t even try.

Saccharine induced hallucinations. Chocolate smeared sanity. Carbohydrate fueled madness.

Standing in the shower, a self imposed drowning under a too-warm waterfall. Eyes averted to tomato red sauce, discoloring the porcelain. My fingers recover my failures, at least for the moment. Instant comfort regained, destroying any semblance of health simultaneously.

Don’t feel like I care, don’t see why I should. Won’t explain it to me, why should I explain it to you? Why can’t I find the control, why can’t I leave this all behind? Why can’t I come to the profound conclusions you seem to have found?


	Something Disguised As Poetry All poems are written and copywritten by Pandorra 2001/2002 unless otherwise noted. Do not copy and/or paste without asking!!! ~site map~ Somedays * Colors * Unicorn * Dark Seductress * Dark Seductress Part 2 * For All The Eggs Are Broken * Binge * Mia Somedays somedays it's all I can do to breathe thoughts of you invade my soul and evaporate within me clogging my head in a fog somedays it's all I can do to breath memories of your touch linger on my flesh and I can feel you all the way to my bones somedays it's all I can do to breathe the timbre of your voice hangs on my ear echoing, resounding, vibrating all the way down as I shiver at the sound somedays it's all I can do to breathe the events of that day replay like a bad video tape that day you were torn from me forever that day they pried you from my arms somedays it's all I can do to breathe Colors dark brown eyes tinged blood red yellowed teeth gnashed fist clenched white hot, searing black pain throbbing pounding in the grayness of my mind frigid hard steel so inviting in my peach hand once twice three times the flame sears inside my soul clear glasses shatter on wooden planked floors sapphire curtains sway from the breeze caused when your pale peach skin makes impact the brown wood floor becomes stained scarlet red I think of the emerald cleanser and I laugh... and I laugh a rainbow laugh, for I am free Unicorn lavender petals fall like rain bathing my being in softness the brightness pries against my eyes as I awaken to his beauty his muscles twitch in the beams of the silvery moon the velvet of his flesh tortures me I long to reach out for only a touch he radiates the truest of love as his sapphire eyes focus softly on me my mind flies as thoughts race and I wonder why I am allowed to gaze upon his self for I am not young for I am not pure for I am not innocent it rises from between his eys irridescent, mystical, powerful and pure magick Is he real? I cry softly and I reach to touch him and he is gone. Dark Seductress Betrayal the only word I think of when you cross my mind these days Frustration it's the way I feel when I think about my feelings for you Anger that I let myself fall in love with you, your being Melancholy without your friendship Sadness that I pushed you out of my life Dark Seductress Part 2 I think of her and I feel betrayed my mind simply laughs at me I admit my jealousy, but only feel defeat I'm angered at my sad existence perhaps pathetic is the word..or obsessive.. compulsive...psychotic maybe? Sitting alone, pining for a love I haven't lost (you can never lose what was never yours) I think of her and envy her the perfect life she has I take apart his little flaws and reassemble them to become fatal... Wandering about in a shady gray haze Missing her, hating her, loving her too much.. The crimes she has committed...ones she'll never know For All The Eggs Are Broken So much pain I've never felt as when I lost you the pain returns to me each month such a horrid reminder how much of a woman am I this mass of human flesh? the thing that should be mine is stolen, beaten, battered, gone the chance to create is non existent for all the eggs are broken... Binge Let’s talk about guilt. Let’s talk about how fucked up I am. Let’s talk about failure. Let’s talk about weakness. Let’s talk about pathetic. It’s all about me Baby; don’t you know that by now? Can’t even prevent myself from falling. Can’t grab onto the edge, stop myself from devastation. Have no desire, have no wants. Don’t deserve the things I “need,” don’t deserve the things that prevent, don’t deserve the peaceful dreams. Might as well say goodbye, might as well pack it all up, might as well just go home. Wish I had a home, wish I had a bag to pack, almost wish it mattered. Hating myself for being myself. Hating myself for breathing, thinking, bleeding. Still can’t find enough worthwhile. Couldn’t even cash in my body in for blood. Couldn’t even try. Saccharine induced hallucinations. Chocolate smeared sanity. Carbohydrate fueled madness. Let’s talk about guilt. Let’s talk about how fucked up I am. Let’s talk about failure. Let’s talk about weakness. Let’s talk about pathetic. It’s all about me Baby; don’t you know that by now? Standing in the shower, a self imposed drowning under a too-warm waterfall. Eyes averted to tomato red sauce, discoloring the porcelain. My fingers recover my failures, at least for the moment. Instant comfort regained, destroying any semblance of health simultaneously. Don’t feel like I care, don’t see why I should. Won’t explain it to me, why should I explain it to you? Why can’t I find the control, why can’t I leave this all behind? Why can’t I come to the profound conclusions you seem to have found? Let’s talk about guilt. Let’s talk about how fucked up I am. Let’s talk about failure. Let’s talk about weakness. Let’s talk about pathetic. It’s all about me Baby; don’t you know that by now? It’s all about me Baby… Don’t you know that by now? Mia Standing smiling back lit by dusty sun hand outstretched guiding me urging me holding back my hair She laughs chides scolds berates instructs and finally she praises Ultimate beauty unattainable goals forces devotion forces drive triggers want need desire In her arms I am safe warm strong dependent weak so tired Contradiction in terms in feelings in belief My best friend worst enemy greatest lover fiercest foe Want to leave her I won't Want to be her I can't Want to live without her I suffocate I love you I need you I want you I hate you I hate you I hate you Embrace me for today for tomorrow for just this week or maybe this month forever Mia... Mia.... Mia.....