Ali G: Wicked! I has come out to the countryside because it ain't only animals that live here, there is also people too, and they have got issues that they is worried about and they is getting all menstrual about, and we is finding out what they is. Check this!

(Clip of fox hunt. Cuts to Ali in a field)

Ali G: When you is in the countryside it is important to wear the right clobber so you don't look like a prick. That is why me is wearing wellies

(Cuts to Ali in farmyard meeting with farmer)

Ali G: Your name is?

Farmer: Terry (Incomprehensible)

Ali G: Easy enough. And you is gonna take us around this farm

F: Yeah

Ali G: Let's check out a few of the animals

F: There's one out here you won't come out in the field with

Ali G: Aye. (Ali spots Scottish Longhorn cow) What the fuck is that, man! Check out that mother!

(Cuts to sheep)

Ali G: And what are these things here?

F: Sheep

Ali G: They are called sheep?

F: Yeah

(Cuts to cowshed)

Ali G: Man, there is a lot of shit here, man, why don't you clean up?

(Cuts to another part of the cowshed)

Ali G: Have a look down there. What is going on there? (Farmer picks up cow pat) Oh come on man! Hey, don't try any of that funny business. Ah you dirty boy, I'm gonna (incomprehensible)

(Cuts to chicken run)

Ali G: What do you use chickens for?

F: They lay eggs

Ali G: They l..? What d'you mean, they lay eggs?

F: They lay eggs like you would have for your breakfast

Ali G: What? Shit, eggs come out of chickens?

F: Yes

Ali G: Where do they come out of?

F: The backside

Ali G: They come out of their arse?

F: (Raises his eyes) You haven't lived, have you?

Ali G: I wouldn't even eat something that came out of my Julie's arse

F: Where did you come out of?

Ali G; Me come out of my mom's (pauses) poonani

F: Okay

Ali G: But not out of her botty. That is rank, man. Me ain't ever eating another egg

(Clip of Ali in his car. Cuts to Ali walking to the start of a fox hunt)

Ali G: Wicked! I is here in the countryside. I is checking out a hunt. This is where groups gather their posse and get some horses and shoot some animals. Wicked!

(Cuts to the start of the hunt)

Ali G: These are dogs, aye?

Huntsman: These are the bitch (incomprehensible)

Ali G: But it is disrespectful to call a.. a dog a bitch?

H: It is a.. a.. a terminology we use which is friendly. It is in no way disrespectful

Ali G: You're not cussing these dogs when you call them bitches?

H: No

Ali G: You're not saying that they is a bit loose or whatever?

H: Not at all. (Incomprehensible)

Ali G: Okay. And do you call your women the bitches as well?

H: No, no, they're ladies

(Cuts to another part of the start of the hunt)

Ali G: Wicked! Me think me have find a fox, aye

(Ali walks over to huntswoman)

Ali G: So is you the fox?

HW1: No, you've gotta find a bit of fun

Ali G: Oh, you is very modest, what saying that you ain't a fox

(HW1 laughs)

(Cuts to Ali with another huntswoman)

Ali G: Is you the fox?

HW2: No

Ali G: No, me don't think so

(Cuts to Ali's feet)

Ali G: Oh me trodden in some shit, man! Me trodden is some shit

(Cuts to Ali meeting gamekeeper)

G: I'm gamekeeper for the estate, gamekeeper (incomprehensible)

Ali G: Wicked! What does that mean?

G: We.. I run the shoot for Sir Leonard, plus I ..

Ali G: (Slowly) You run and shoot ..

G: No

Ali G: .. Sir Leonard?

G: No

Ali G: Has you ever got your posse together with your gun, gone out to another village that is causing trouble and say we're giving you one warning, we're saying behave yourself. If you behave yourself you don't look an' be disrespectful to our women anymore, we ain't gonna shoot you

G: No, no, we're not Yugoslavian

Ali G: Can we come to the shoot?

G: Not really, no

(Cuts to Ali in his car)

Ali G: We have learnt to respect the ways of the countryside. It is a place of peace and tranquillity. Let's keep it that way

(Ali starts car, revs engine wildly and drives off)

END