Ali G: Yoh, yoh, what's up? I'm here checking out my main man, Judge Pickles. We're here, we're talking about the law. Now law is something that you need to get down with if you don't wanna go inside the nick. And it ain't boring, it don't need to let you stop you scoring. We're here to find out how it can be fun, but also know what's going on so you don't go down, isn't that right, Judge Pickles?

Judge Pickles: I'm not sure it's fun!

Ali G: Yeah, what is it then?

JP: I did forty years, I found it very boring on the whole

Ali G: Now what is the Fifth Amendment, you getting me?

JP: The Fifth Amendment? Isn't.. that's in America, that's an American thing, isn't it? It's not a British idea is it, the Fifth Amendment?

Ali G: When you say, "I plead the Fifth Amendment .."

JP: Yes, well that's an American system

Ali G: (Incomprehensible)

JP: No, no

Ali G: Why not?

JP: Well, because American law doesn't apply here

Ali G: Why not?

JP: (Incomprehensible)

Ali G: What if it was drink-driving? If it was a drink-driving charge could you plead the Fifth Amendment?

JP: You can never.. In this country the Fifth Amendment doesn't apply

Ali G: Never?

JP: Not in court, no

(Break)

Ali G: When can you murder someone?

JP: Ah, well when you say.. That's.. that's really a nonsensical question if I may say so because if you are entitled to kill somebody ..

Ali G: Mmm

JP: .. it's not murder

Ali G: Okay, but can you murder someone if someone let's say call your mum a slag, ..

JP: No. No, no, no

Ali G: .. diss your mother?

JP: No, no, no

Ali G: If they call your.. if they disrespect your mum, ..

JP: Well

Ali G: .. if they call your mum a slag, ..

JP: Yeah

Ali G: .. ring up the police, the police ain't gonna do nothing, d'you know, they laugh at you

JP: Well, I don't know, it depends I suppose. If you called my er mother a slag and I then er killed you erm provocation can reduce murder to manslaughter

Ali G: Mmm. So where's the line there?

JP: Ahh

Ali G: If they call her slag, manslaughter, if they call her bitch, ..

JP: Well, no .. (laughs)

Ali G: .. is that murder?

(Break)

Ali G: Okay, now you're a judge, how do you know when someone's guilty? Let's say.. let's have this scenario: You've got a guy there, nineteen year old, driving around in top of the range Saab with the lights and everything, leather seats, bitches in the front, bitches in the back, sitting on the woofer speakers, gold tooth, UV light underneath, big drum and bass coming out, the guy never done any work in his life. Is he a rapper or is he a dealer considering he never touched any decks or held a mike ever in his life? Are you going to put this man down?

JP: Well, I'm not going to do anything except acc.. accept the verdict of the jury

Ali G: What? You mean this man ain't a dealer?

JP: Well you ..

Ali G: Come on! You've gotta put him down!

(Break)

Ali G: Do you think women should be on juries?

JP: Oh yes, of course

Ali G: What about when they got the painters in?

JP: Well.. Oh.. (Laughs)

Ali G: What about when it's rag week?

JP: I'm sorry (Laughs)

Ali G: How can they be thinking straight? Serious!

JP: Yes, well I ..

Ali G: Serious, my woman she doesn't know what's going on. "Guilty!" Everyone is guilty when it's her time, everyone is guilty. I do something small. "Guilty! You should be chopped!" whatever

JP: I don't honestly think you could start asking people intimate questions and saying, "Oh, you can't do it this wee.."

Ali G: Exactly, that's why you should not have women on the jury

JP: No. No, no, no. (Pause) I've never thought about this before actually

(Break)

Ali G: You get wise, know what you're doing, and get legal. Aye, aye! (JP laughs) (Incomprehensible). My main man, Pickles! Big shout going out!

END