Births, Marriages and Deaths
Something I am often asked about is the Pagan customs concerning these three major events in our lives, and so I have decided to include this section, with a brief outline of each of these rites of passage, and how they relate to the Pagan way of life and the modern world.
If you would like further details of any of these rites, or have something you feel should be added to the information given in each section, please don't hesitate to contact me by clicking on the image below.
Well, obviously, no matter what your faith, people are born! However, what I am referring to under this section is the rite of naming. Just as in Christianity there is a Christening to name the child, so in Paganism there is also a naming rite. This is generally referred to as either Paganing or Wiccaning (for those of a Wiccan faith). As with most naming rites for young children, the aim of the rite is to bless the child, to officially name the child with the name chosen for it by the parents, as well as to indoctrinate it into the chosen faith of the parents (in this case, Paganism). However, the main difference you will notice with a Paganing is that, in line with our belief that the faith is an individual one which only the individual can choose to follow, is that the inclusion in the faith is only attributed to the child for a certain length of time. This varies according to the family, but is generally somewhere around the age of 16, at which point it is assumed that the child is adult and responsible enough to make their own decision about their religious path (if any) in life.
When the child in question reached the decided age, they are then free from the faith if they so choose to be or, obviously, free to choose for themselves to receive the Paganing ceremony again, thus exercising their right to free choice of faith and returning of their own accord. As I hope you will have gathered from other areas of this site, the individual's choice is of utmost importance within Paganism, and so it is essential that adults who are associated with it are there of their own accord, and not by the will of their parents.
Naturally, if you have come to the faith at a later point in your life, you are equally free to decide you wish to participate in the Paganing rite to officially enrol yourself within the religion, although this isn't essential and nobody will condemn you to eternal damnation if you decide not to... mainly because we don't believe in that!
Also known as handfastings, one important point to note regarding the Pagan marriage ceremony is the recent change of law in the UK. It has been a while since Paganism ceased to be illegal to follow, but it may surprise you to learn that it was only relatively recently that the faith has been legally recognized within this country. So what relevance does that bear to handfastings?
Well, to put it simply, previously you were totally at liberty to have a full handfasting ceremony, but needed to have a registrar present, or to confirm your commitment at a registry office in order to have your union legally recognized. This is still the case in many counties, but more and more the ceremony performed by the Pagan Priest/ess is sufficient now to be legally recognized as the union of man and wife. It's slow progress folks, but at least we're getting there!
Traditional times for handfastings tend to be either at Beltane or Litha, with the more common practise of taking the vows at Litha giving rise to the term "honeymoon", as Litha falls in July; month of the Mead, or Honey Moon.
In general now, you can choose to take the handfasting for a lifetime, or for eternity, although if the Priest/ess in question doesn't quiz you over the eternal ceremony, I'd stop and question their authenticity for obvious reasons. In the past, there was also a ceremony which lasted a year and a day. The reason for this was that the Year King who was chosen to rule for the twelvemonth and a day (to be sacrificed for the benefit of the village at the end of this time, although entirely by choice) was permitted to take a bride for this period of time. After the Romans began to influence our customs with their rule, this was also the only circumstance under which a Priestess could marry or bed a male.
The ceremony is often performed in view of a sacred tree, such as an Oak, to ask the tree to bear witness to the ceremony. Equally, the Deities worshipped by the couple involved are often called upon to bear witness or, failing that, a general term for the Deities (ie the Great Goddess and Horned God). As the Pagans believe that their Gods should not be worshipped in a man made location (ie, not in a church or other man made building), handfastings generally take place out of doors and, although the customs vary from region to region, Priest/ess to Priest/ess, are invariably sealed by jumping the flames (sadly the original bonfire is more often than not replaced by a symbolic candle nowadays), or the broomstick in the case of many Wiccan ceremonies.
Usually referred to as a passing, as opposed to a death, as most Pagans don't believe in death as a finite event, but more as a natural part of the cyclic process of birth, death and rebirth.
The most popular rite of passing nowadays is, to me, rather beautiful. An area of land is selected and a tree planted over the buried body. This is in line with the Pagan (and more commonly Druidic) belief that trees take on the wisdom and knowledge of the person beneath is, and so they are instantly reborn into the spirit of the tree.
On an ecological note, this land is also then protected by covenant which means that the passing of the person in question not only brings another much needed tree into the environment, but also protects both the tree and the land it is grown upon, thus preventing any more of the beautiful greenery of our countryside being ploughed down to make way for housing developments and roads.
The ceremony itself again varies depending on the area, and the Priest/ess involved, but always includes prayers, readings and ritual to help guide the spirit of the person over to the Summerlands and on to their new life.
Although Samhaine is the traditional time for conversing with those who have passed over, it is worth noting that once again the traditional twelvemonth and a day must pass before this is attempted. Even then, no ethical practitioner will "summon up" the spirit of someone who has passed; rather, they will open the channels should that person be able to return to speak to the living. The reason for this is that, although the physical body we knew has gone, the spiritual body is still very much alive, and still pursuing it's path/destiny. By disturbing them and calling them back, you are risking hampering their own progress; a deeply unethical practise, not to mention extremely selfish for the sake of the comfort of speaking with one you have loved. They return when they can, or when they need to in order to resolve something which has been left unfinished, but should never be called back if you wish to avoid harming their progress..
İCaitlin, 2000
