SETTING: This fic is set during Luke and Mara's trek through the forests/jungles on Mykr in Zahn's Heir to the Empire.

SUMMARY: Luke and Mara discover a few things about each other that will forever change the course of their lives.

DISCLAIMER: Anything and everything Star Wars belongs to George Lucas and I am making no money from this. I do not intend any infringement but only wish to entertain myself and hopefully a few others with my rantings.

RATING: R

Chapter 2           Chapter 3 ...coming soon          Chapter 4 ...coming soon    
     

Finding Lost Love

Chapter 1
Myrkr

Luke Skywalker settled back against the fallen tree and did his best to relax. He was finding that very difficult to do with a blaster constantly pointed at him. Luke sighed sadly, bothered that even after all this time of trudging through the forest together, she still seemed determined to finish him off. Not able to push away the irritation at the unwavering blaster pointed at his heart, Luke finally looked over at his captor.

"Could you at least stop pointing that at me, Mara," He hated seeing the slightsmirk on her face. "And stop staring at me while you're at it."

Mara almost chuckled at being able to make the calm demeanor of the Jedi slip. "I am not staring at you, Jedi. I'm guarding you."

Luke shook his head. " I don't need to be guarded." His tone softened as he noticed her reddened eyes. " Why don't you get some rest?"

This time she did laugh at him, "Sure, I'll just go to sleep and let you waltz away or maybe even better...I'll just let the wild vornskrs make a light snack of you." Her eyes then hardened as did her voice. "As if I'd really let them take away my pleasure of killing you."

Luke's patience was stretched thin. He absent-mindedly kicked a small stone and grumbled to himself. "Fine, I'm going to sleep."

He couldn't think of a way to convince Mara that he hadn't killed her master. He had told her the truth, the awful truth of what had happened aboard the second death star but she hadn't believed him. Luke took a deep breath and wished that he could draw on the force right now. A good meditation session would do wonders to ease the weariness that seemed to be clinging to his mind. And perhaps it would even offer some insight on the redheaded woman who was leaning against a tree a few meters away.

Yes, meditating would be good... but sleep would have to do... an hour later, Luke had settled into an uneasy sleep that was filled with thoughts of a day long ago. The day he had meet the mysterious girl that had been a fleeting and vague image in his mind ever since.

Tatooine Years ago

Luke Skywalker kicked a loose rock as he angrily walked toward the parts' shop. Uncle Owen was being so unfair. All he wanted was to go to Deak's 16th birthday party but no...crops had to come first. A surge of anger coursed through him and he kicked the next rock much harder than he intended then was stopped short by an angry voice.

"Watch what you're doing, runt"

The voice was angry yet intriguing at the same time. Luke looked up to find himself staring into the greenest eyes he had ever seen. He swallowed, then felt his anger quickly dissipating as the girl pushed her long, wildly red hair out of her face. She seemed to be about his age, maybe even a season younger.

"S....sorry. I hope I didn't hit you with that rock." His voice was unsteady and the girl looked long and hard at him.

For a moment she considered making him sweat it out but...he seemed so innocent. She found herself replying in a much softer voice. "No, it just surprised me. No harm done."

She wanted to look away but found herself mesmerized by the stranger's eyes. They were as blue as the deep basin rivers on Coruscant. Thinking of Coruscant made her snap out of it. She had work to do on this dustball of a planet and that left no time to stand around and stare at some rimworlder. She quickly stepped to the side to allow the boy to pass but he made no move to do so. Luke struggled for something to say so he wouldn't have to be on his way.

Finally he sputtered out the only thing he could think of. "What's your name?"

"My name?" It was hard to believe that such a simple question would be so hard to answer. What did it matter to him what her name was yet...she wanted him to know. "Uh...I can't tell you that."

Luke looked questioning at the girl. He knew he did not get away from his uncle's farm much, but he was pretty sure it was still ok to ask someone their name When he opened his mouth to reply, the girl hurriedly stopped him.

"I just can't tell you. My boss doesn't like anyone knowing my name."

Luke was surprised that she had a boss. "You're young to have a boss."

The girl chuckled sarcastically. "It's one of those lifetime commitment things."

Luke's eyes widened as he wondered if the beautiful girl meant that she was a slave. She suddenly shifted and her hands rested on her hips. She eyed his old clothes and dusty books.

"It looks like you have a boss to."

Luke laughed softly and the girl found herself grinning back at him. "Yea, my aunt and uncle have a moisture farm a hour or so from here. I work there."

"Every day?"

Luke nodded and looked at the ground. The girl could still see how unhappy he was about that. For some reason, she didn't want him to be unhappy.

"So you're a farmer...no, you're too young to be a farmer. More like a Farmboy, I suppose."

"What?"

"You heard me Farmboy...that's what I'll call you." She laughed gaily and then stopped suddenly. How easy it was to laugh with this blue eyed, innocent boy. It felt so good to be free of Palpatine for a few hours. Why not have a little fun before starting her mission. It was surely an easy job, so she could afford a little diversion.

"So Farmboy, what do you do for fun on this dirtball planet?"

Luke laughed and the girl found herself smiling at the warm feelings he generated. What was it about this one kid? He was affecting her in ways that no one ever had.

"Well, Red, I usually fly in beggars canyon." He replied sarcastically.

"Red?" She looked taken aback by his nickname for her.

"If you made up a name for me then I think it's only fair that I make one up for you. Besides, I have to call you something." Luke couldn't help but look at redish gold hair hanging well below her shoulders and found himself wondering what it would feel like.

She glared at him for a moment but as she picked up on his thoughts about her hair, she couldn't help but relax more. Besides, she kinda liked the nickname. It could be interesting to be someone else for awhile.

"Beggars canyon…is that all there is to do around here?" Red looked around at their surroundings and thought that maybe that was all there was to do on this backwater planet.

"If I have a few extra credits, sometimes I can play a game at the hologame room."

"Just one game?"

Luke again looked at the ground and slipped his hands inside his pockets. He took a few minutes to answer Red. She gazed at him in open curiosity, as sadness seemed to descend upon him.

"They're pretty expensive."

Red felt a pang of anger then remembered all the credits she had aboard her ship. She smiled. Maybe she and this Farmboy could put all those imperial credits to good use.

"Wanna see my ship Farmboy?"

His eyes widened. "You have your own ship?"

She shrugged. "Yea...kinda. It belongs to my boss but I use it all the time. One day thought, I'll have my own ship and it will be spectacular."

Red couldn't understand for the life of her why she was telling this kid all this. This was her dream. She hadn't shared it with anyone. Where she came from, you kept as many things hidden as you possibly could. It was safer that way. Less thing to use against you that way. But Farmboy's smile was so infectious that she found herself wanting to tell him....to tell him anything and everything.

He grinned at her even more. "I'd love to see your ship. Could we now?" Luke stood up straighter, all thoughts of picking up the needed parts vanishing.

Red had to laugh at the excitement oozing from him. She nodded and reached out to grab his hand. Without hesitation he grasped her hand and ran along beside her toward the hangar…

Luke awoke with a start and blindly sat up. He took a few deep- cleansing breaths to calm his racing heart. He was disoriented from his fitful sleep and for some reason, the memory of that day seemed so faded that he had a hard time recalling his companion. He could remember the events and the feelings were as strong as they were on that day but her face was a blank to him.

Luke shook his head to clear it and after a few minutes, his eyes settled on the deadly woman who was still sitting only a few meters from him, blaster still in hand though not pointed directly at him.

Mara watched the Jedi intently, expecting him to try to escape though he had not tried to before. She watched him as he jerked awake then shake and rub his head as if something were wrong. He finally looked her way and their eyes met.

Mara frowned at the confusion she saw in the Jedi Knight's eyes. Whatever he had been dreaming about had spooked him...and that spooked her.

"What's the matter, Jedi? Bad dreams?" She couldn't resist adding to his obvious discomfort.

Luke only stared at her for a moment then laid back down against the fallen log. Mara was more than a little surprised. Usually he encouraged her to talk to him. This time he was ignoring her.

Luke closed his eyes and tried to clear his mind. Why had he, all of a sudden, remembered the girl from so long ago? The beautiful woman- child who had taught him so much. It had been years since he'd thought of her. Luke could still remember her eyes; the green eyes that seemed so sad yet laughed at all his stupid misconceptions of the world. Her flaming red hair that he loved to hide his face in and pretend that he never had to go back to the moisture farm. He couldn't remember the girl's face and the other details were fuzzy but he still remembered eyes and hair. Luke's eyes snapped open and he inhaled sharply.

"Skywalker! Now what's wrong?" She was beginning to wonder if he had been bitten by an insect or such and it was making him irratic.

Luke slowly sat up and looked at Mara Jade again. Only this time, he really looked at her. Her red hair was tossed about her shoulders wildly and her green eyes seemed to bore through his soul. Luke shuddered at the thought. No, Mara Jade could not be the girl he had meet all those years ago.

Mara was becoming uncomfortable with the way Luke was staring at her. It was as if he had seen a ghost.

"Am I going to have to shoot you Skywalker? What's the problem? Did I grow another arm or something?"

Luke smiled in spite of her sarcasm. She looked very much like the girl he had met on Tatooine but it couldn't be her. It was so hard to remember that time, but he knew that this girl did have the same eyes and hair that he remembered so fondly from 'Red'. But that was where the similarities ended. There was no way that the beautiful creature that had been his first love could be the same woman who was now hell-bent on killing him.

Luke sighed and decided to leave it alone for now. Every instinct in his body told him to forget it. He slowly stood up and dusted himself off. The sun was just peeking over the mountains.

"Should we go ahead and get started. Neither one of us is getting any sleep."

"Sleep? Duh, I have to watch over you."

"You know, it's not like I'm going to run away or anything. There's nowhere to go."

Mara stood up and gathered her knapsack. "I'm not giving you the chance."

Chapter 2

For several hours they made their way through the overgrown forest. Mara used the lightsaber to clear a path ; Luke followed behind her. He always paid attention to how she used his saber. She knew what she was doing. Mara had been trained well. Luke sighed when he wondered if his father had trained her. For a brief moment, he was jealous of her as well as of anytime she may have spent with his father.

Occasionally they would have to stop and help Artoo through a small clearing. Mara glared at him each time and Luke hoped Artoo would make it off Myrkr in one piece.

Mara was becoming increasingly irritated with stopping while Skywalker helped his rolling chunk of metal through the tight fits. She sat down in a small clearing and slid her blaster into it's holster before opening a ration bar.

"Skywalker, if I blast him now, we'll make much better time." She stated, not a touch of humor in her voice.

Artoo responded with a series of hoots and whistles. Luke folded his arms and stared at her. "Haven't we been through this before?"

"Yes, and I still haven't decided that I shouldn't just blast him."

"Mara...people don't understand this but Artoo is, well, my friend."

Luke tapped his foot angrily when the expected laughter came.

"Oh Skywalker....and the Rebellion trusted you in battle? Don't they do psychological tests on pilots before turning them loose?"

Mara was still watching him but couldn't stop laughing. She saw his blue eyes darken and realized that he was serious.

"It's a droid!"

It astounded her that the man in front of her was mad because she was making fun of his droid. He had not gotten this mad when she had informed him of her intent to kill him, or any of the times she'd threatened him with it since.

Artoo rolled up to his master and Luke listened patiently to his beeps. "Yes Artoo, I do believe that she's always that mean. I think she enjoys it."

Luke sat down on the ground and picked up one of the ration bars even though she had not offered one.

"Sure, help yourself," Mara said in the sarcastic voice that Luke was becoming accustomed to.

He ignored her and began picking leaves and shrubbery off Artoo where it had stuck in crevices. Mara watched him, amazed that he really did care about what happened to his droid. Skywalker was turning out to be a mystery to her. He was suppose to be heartless and only interested in controlling everything and everyone, yet... he seemed content to let her lead them out of the jungle. Sure he didn't appreciate the blaster being held on him all the time, but who would? He wasn't being aggressive or controlling. In fact, he seemed pretty passive, reacting only when the situation required it. She didn't understand what was going on. Where was the man that she needed to kill?

Luke realized that Mara was staring at him and he drew his gaze even with hers.

Mara felt herself losing all train of thought when the Jedi looked at her and she noticed his eyes. She had looked at him before but now he gazed at her with those eyes, she was startled by the color. They were the bluest eyes she's seen since...since losing touch with her Tatooine Farmboy.

She quickly looked away. Why was she thinking of him now? She glanced back at her captive, who still eyed her curiously. Because Luke Skywalker reminds me of him, she realized. The eyes...and the way he was starting to make her doubt what the Emperor had showed her the events leading to his death. Only one other person had ever made her doubt the Emperor and she hadn't seen him in almost ten years.

Mara almost smiled as she thought of the innocent boy that had given her more than he had ever known on her visit. She had been on Tatooine to carry out an assassination when the Farmboy had kicked a rock toward her. Her first instinct had been to throttle him but as soon as he looked at her with those eyes, that thought had disappeared.

She stood up and rested against a tree, staring out into the thick growth as she remembered that day. They had flown rented skyhoppers in some canyon and played hologames until she had thought that her face would fall off from smiling and laughing. Her Farmboy had shown her what it was like to be a teenager...and to care about someone. As much as she had tried to deny it, she had fallen in love that day. In love with a total stranger whose name she still did not know.

Mara wrapped her arms across her chest and sighed. He had asked her to stay. But Mara had known that there would be no escape from the Emperor. She hadn't even considered the thought until meeting him. He had made her want to stay. He had made her want her life back. Mara closed her eyes and inhaled, letting the memories envelope her. Sometimes that day seemed like yesterday...

Tatooine Years ago

Mara had taken him to her ship and had run wildly down the corridors, looking at every possible thing during his race. Mara had laughed until she thought that she would cry at the ahhs and ohhs coming from him.

"Farmboy, it's just a ship. Not even a good one at that."

He had skidded to a stop in front of her. "It's a great ship...and it's the only one I've ever been on."

He didn't say it sadly but it made Mara's heart ache. He did not belong on this planet but instead up in the stars with her.

"One day Farmboy, you'll fly a ship up there," she motioned toward the sky.

He had stepped closer to her. "Will I see you again?"

Mara stared at him, "I don't know. My boss... is pretty particular about what I do."

"Then leave him."

"What?"

Mara had never heard such a ridiculous thing. No one ever left the Emperor...no one. Mara just stared at him. Of course, this simple boy could never understand what it was like to serve someone like the Emperor. She wasn't even sure if he knew who the Emperor was.

"My boss...it's a lifetime thing with him. I couldn't leave even if I wanted to."

"Do you want to?"

Farmboy had taken another step that put him directly in front of her. Mara found herself getting lost in those blue eyes again as he tilted her face up to his.

Mara felt an unfamiliar tightening of her throat. Not sure if the thought of leaving the Emperor was causing it or if it was the young, idealistic boy standing too close to her that was.

"It…it doesn't matter what I want. I have to obey." Mara breath caught as the sandy-haired teenager stepped close enough for her to hear his heart thumping wildly in his chest.

Luke stared down into emerald eyes that held so much sadness but still had a sharp edge to them. "I'll miss you, Red." Before he realized what he was doing, Luke kissed her gently on the lips.

Mara gasped at the feather light kiss and the sizzling sensation that seemed to spread from her lips where they had touched his, to every other part of her body. She stood staring at the Farmboy, seeing his shock at what he had done. Or perhaps it was shock at the resulting nerve tingling throughout his body. "You felt that too?" She whispered.

Luke swallowed hard and brought his hand to hesitantly carress her check. "Yes, I felt it."

Feeling brave when she didn't draw away, Luke's hand slipped behind her head. Pulling her closer, Luke mouth clumsily descended onto hers. Though he had talked about this sort of thing with the other boys, he had never pictured himself doing it with someone he had just met. Yet, something deep inside him felt as if he had always known this girl.

Mara had wanted to pull away from the farmboy whose hands were beginning to roam over her back and even lower but couldn't bring herself to do so. This rimworlder had made her feel more in the last few hours than she could ever remembering feeling before. The dark shadows in her soul were less controlling and a sliver of light seemed to find its way into her heart for the first time in many years. Not wanting the light to fade but to grow brighter, she pulled the boy responsible for it as close as she could.

Luke suddenly unattached his lips from hers but only enough to speak. Mara shivered as his hot breath fluttered across her cheek. "I should say I'm sorry for doing that, but I'm not."

Mara rubbed her face against his smooth cheek, loving the simple skin on skin contact. She drew away slightly to look at him. "I'm not sorry either." She barely got the words out before his lips met hers again, this time with more insistance and much less akwardness.

Luke pushed Mara backwards until her knees caught the edge of the bed and buckled. Luke giggled at the look of surprise on her face as he carefully lowered the lithe girl to the bed. "Red, tell me to stop now because of you don't…"

Mara looked up at the boy leaning over her, knowing that she wanted him to be her first. Her fingers grasped him by the shirt. "Don't stop, Farmboy."

Luke's face flushed and he once again attacked her lips with an urgency he had never felt before, almost missing her mumbled words. "Don't ever stop…"

Mara shook herself out of her reverie as she heard the Artoo unit behind her whistle again. She whirled around, drawing her blaster as she did. Luke approached her and Mara purposely looked away from him so she wouldn't see the eyes that were so like her Farmboy's. Clear blue eyes that changed according to his mood. Darker when angry and almost opaque when laughing. But it was more than the eyes. The way he was naïve. Mara rubbed the side of her head. It didn't matter. Her Farmboy was probably dead by now and this Jedi could never be as pure as he had been. It was the closest to any person that she had ever been and she had never regretted her first sexual experience being with the Farmboy. It was the closest she had ever come to being normal.

Luke held up his hands. "I was calling to you and you didn't answer."

Mara was embarrassed to be caught daydreaming. Especially about that time. No one had ever made her feel like that since then. "What do you want?" she snapped.

"Just your attention. Artoo says that there's a small stream ahead and I thought it might be good to freshen up."

Mara was amazed. "I'm going to kill you... if the imperials don't get you first... and you want to freshen up?"

Luke laughed softly and Mara couldn't help but notice his eyes lighten. She did not like how he made her feel. She had to hate this man and that was becoming harder and harder to do.

Luke shrugged as he realized how ridiculous his suggestion had sounded to her. "Just an idea."

Luke walked back toward Artoo ; Mara slowly holstered her blaster. "Fine, which way, Shorty?"

Mara gave him a swift kick ; Luke laughed at the indignant whistle from his droid. "Careful Artoo, she might push you into the stream."

Mara suddenly turned toward Luke and raised her eyebrow at him, "Can you swim?"

Now it was Luke's turn to be embarrassed. He had suggested that they freshen up... and she was going to use the opportunity to drown him.

Mara laughed at the look on his face and drew his confiscated lightsaber to clear the path in the direction Artoo was headed. She truly loved putting the self-assured Jedi on edge.

Luke watched them as Mara's laugh sent chills up his spine. It was the first real laugh he'd heard from her and it unsettled him for some reason. He trailed along behind them.

Luke was sitting where he could still see the small stream where they had refilled their water bottles. Mara had freshened up a bit while Luke had stayed suspiciously away from the water's edge. There was no sense in tempting the witch any further.

Mara had enjoyed his discomfort tremendously. She tossed a ration bar to him, knowing his penchant for eating frequently.

Luke ripped open the ration bar and had started to take a bite when he noticed Mara staring at him. "What?"

"Where are you from?" The nagging feeling at the back of her mind was not letting up.

Again he was confused. "What? Why do you want to know?"

Mara shrugged. "Just making conversation. What's the big deal?"

"You intend on killing me." He had certainly heard her say that plenty enough times.

"Yes." Mara fully agreed with him on that.

"So you're trying to get to know me better before you kill me?" He would never understand this woman. He would be surprised if anyone ever did.

"No, I do not want to know you better. I just wondered how you came to be the hero of the rebellion and a Jedi Knight. A regular wonder- boy."

"Then why the questions about where I'm from?"

Mara glared at him. He seemed to be able to rattle her better than anyone ever had. "I could just kill you Skywalker."

"Then you wouldn't have anyone to threaten." Luke was not in a very good mood, "And stop glaring at me."

Mara tilted her head back and chuckled at his bad mood just as a vornskr charged headlong toward her. Mara's hand reached for her blaster but the wild animal was faster. She threw her arms up to ward it off and was knocked sideways by the impact, the landing knocking the wind from her. Dazed, Mara tried to keep the animal from reaching her neck.

The next thing she knew was the vornskr was thrown clear of her. Mara immediately raised her blaster and fired before it got back to its feet. She defensively turned the blaster on Luke as he moved closer to her. He ignored the blaster that was pointed at his heart and picked up her other arm that had three long scratches on it.

"It's not too bad. You were lucky."

This was making Mara extremely uncomfortable. How dare he act as if he could do as he pleased. Mara tried to push Luke farther away but he seemed intent upon checking her wounds.

"I'm a big girl Skywalker. I don't need your help."

"It seems to me that we need each other."

Mara was incredulous. "What did you just say?" The blaster was still pointed at the Jedi.

"We need each other to survive in this forest. Is that so hard for you to understand?" Luke's voice betrayed his frustration.

Mara used the tip of the blaster to ease Luke's face up to meet hers. "The only thing you need to understand is that I can kill you at anytime." Mara's voice was barely above a growl.

Luke looked at her for a moment then slowly lifted his face away from her blaster. Without a word, he dropped her injured arm, slowly stood and walked as far away from her as he could. Mara watched as Luke Skywalker sat down on a broken tree stump with his back facing her. He rested his head in his hands Mara couldn't understand why he was so upset.

Mara watched him for several minutes then lowered her blaster and put it back in its holster. She mentally chastised herself for showing remorse but she just wasn't used to dealing with such a person. He seemed so wholesome, not at all the cold-blooded killer that he was supposed to be. Like she was. For the first time in many years, Mara Jade let doubt creep into her mind. This Jedi could not be the same person who had killed her master, there was just no way he could be. The way she had seen it through the emperor's eyes, it had been a calculated and vicious attack.

But this Jedi was upset with her for her attitude and actions. And his eyes had been so sad when she had threatened him the last time. Mara could swear that she had seen disappointment as he had disentangled himself from her weapon. Disappointment and overwhelming exhaustion. Not physical exhaustion but the emotional kind that she was all too familiar with. The kind that came with fighting too many battles, losing too many people. Mara sighed. Yes, Skywalker was no stranger to war. A cry broke the uneasy silence between herself and Luke as two beasts in the night attacked each other. Their battle was being fought far enough away that they were safe but for some reason, it made Mara feel uneasy. She stood and walked closer to where he sat brooding.

"It's time for us to get moving, Jedi."

"I didn't kill him Mara." He whispered.

She took a step or two closer. "Why should I believe you?"

Luke stood and faced her. Mara didn't like the intense look on his face.

"There's no reason for you to believe me. I suppose that you never will but I still didn't do it. He was stronger than I was. I couldn't have defeated him at that time."

Mara shook her head. "I don't want to hear this...you have to be lying."

"Why? Because that would mean that your master lied to you? Mara, he was a monster who used anyone he could to further himself."

Mara drew herself up to full height. "I was not his pawn, Skywalker. I was his hand"

Luke whispered again, "We were all his pawns. Even me." Luke did not know why but he felt that it was so important to make her believe him. "I'm sorry, Mara."

Luke grunted as he stumbled backwards when Mara shoved him as hard as she could. "I do not need your sympathy, Skywalker. Do you hear me?"

Luke only stared at her as she continued to vent her frustrations out on him.

"I do not need you to offer support or comfort or anything to me. I do not need anything from you!"

Mara hissed every word but Luke still did not react. That only served to further infuriate the already hysterical Mara. She rushed at Luke and swung her fist as hard as she could at his face. Luke caught her arm easily and twisted it behind her back. With their faces only inches apart, Luke leaned even closer to whisper to his assailant.

"I did not kill him."

Luke abruptly let her go and took several steps back away from Mara. She clenched her fists and seriously considered killing him right then and there. It made her even angrier when she realized that it was not what she wanted. In fact, the need to destroy Luke Skywalker was dissipating all too quickly for her tastes.

Mara faced the Jedi once more and resolved to see this through to the end.

"It does not matter if you killed him or not because I fully intend on killing you."

Mara had threatened him on numerous occasions but somehow it sounded different this time. He watched as Mara drew his lightsaber and started down the path toward Hyllyard City.

Artoo reluctantly followed behind her as Luke stood watching for a few moments. Mara turned around to make sure that he was following ; their eyes met. Luke started down the path before more threats followed, but his mood had changed already. For the first time since this entire ordeal had started, Luke Skywalker wondered if he would ever get out of this forest alive.

...to be continued...