Jokes - Page 20

<>JOKES 20

A 90's Father was really disappointed when his wife gave birth to a daughter instead of a son. He was hoping for someone to help him with the cooking and housework.

I think if I have a good breakfast, I could go without food for the rest of the day. I think that until about lunch-time.

Ever since the Library of Congress went on line, they've received more than their fair share of complaints. Recently a woman who identified herself as a "spokesperson" for the National Organization of Women (NOW) contacted the Chief Librarian and complained that she discovered there were at least 187,000 volumes in the Library that could only be considered "sexist". The Chief Librarian, unphased, said, "But Ms, there are in excess of 534,00 books on hand that use the word 'bastard', and no one has complained about them." The feminist replied "Ahhhhh, but then, the bastards aren�t organized like we are either."

A man was relaxing in his back garden, sitting in the shade, sipping a beer and listening to the radio. As he chilled out, his wife struggled with a manual mower, pushing it up and down the large lawn, sweating and red-faced. The man's next-door neighbor saw the woman battling with the mower and shouted across the fence, "You pathetic excuse for a man! You're just sitting there sipping your beer while your poor wife cuts the grass. You should be bloody well hung." "I am." the man shouts back. "That's why she's doing the grass."

Several weeks after a young man had been hired, he was called into the personnel director's office. "What is the meaning of this?" the director asked. "When you applied for this job, you told us you had five years experience. Now we discovered this is the first job you've ever held." "Well," the young man replied, "in your advertisement you said you wanted somebody with imagination."

If you think about it, life is sexually transmitted.

The car sped off the highway, went through the guardrail, rolled down a cliff, bounced off a tree and finally shuddered to a stop. A passing motorist, who had witnessed the entire accident, helped the miraculously unharmed driver out of the wreck. "Good lord, mister," he gasped, "are you drunk?" "Of course," said the man, brushing the dirt from his suit. "What the hell do you think I am, a stunt driver?"