Picture taken by Tony Noss
Humor
I was scared at first. It was very wide, and very long, and it
angled straight up. I decided I had to try it once. I slowly and
carefully eased myself onto it. It felt weird at first. Then I
got used to it. I went up and down, and up and down on it. I was
really loving it.
Now I ride on escalators all the time.
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I took my fingers and slowly, gently stretched it apart. It was
so pure and white. I licked it once, twice... I found I couldn't
stop. I licked it faster and faster, and harder. I began to
scrape my teeth against it. There it was, in my mouth! All sweet
and creamy. I was done.
I threw away the outsides of my Oreo cookie.
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I squeezed it gently at first, then a little bit harder. There
seemed to be more and more of it. I moved it towards my lips. It
was a strange and new sensation for me. I put it in my mouth and
moved it around and around with my tongue. The time soon came
when I knew I had to spit it out.
It was quite an experience the first time I tasted toothpaste.
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They were both round and firm. There was only the slightest
difference between the two and it was hard. I used my other hand
to grab the other one and twist it hard the other way.
Now there's a brighter light bulb in the living room.
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It was laying limp in my hand. It was very long, kind of thin. I
slid it between my fingers until I got to the end of it. I was
turning it on. It became firm in my hands, and the end was wet.
Then it got very hard and began gushing out of the tip.
Then I took the garden hose and watered the bushes.
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I knew it could be done. I wanted to try but I didn't know if I
could do it. I called my friend. He said he knew how to do it and
would teach me. He put his arms around me and started. I watched
nervously in the mirror. He finally finished and pulled back
slowly. I felt relieved that it was over.
I hate neckties.
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It looked warm and dark, and juicy and inviting. I wasn't sure
just what I wanted to do with it. I carefully pulled it apart
with my fingers to look into it better. I knew how great it would
be if I just started eating it.
But I decided on ketchup for my burger.
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They were two of the biggest balls I had ever seen! They hung so
heavy and low. I tried lifting them gently, but that wasn't
enough. They had to be pulled, and I pulled on them very hard.
They finally came.
I moved them to a higher spot on the Christmas tree.
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He laid her on the table
So white clean and bare.
His forehead wet with beads of sweat
He rubbed her here and there.
He touched her neck and then her breast
And then drooling felt her thigh.
The slit was wet and all was set,
He gave a joyous cry.
The hole was wide...he looked inside
All was dark and murky.
He rubbed his hands and stretched his arms...
And then he stuffed the Turkey.
THE POOPIE LIST
Bathroom Humor at its finest:
Ghost Poopie
The kind where you feel the poopie come out, but there is no poopie in the toilet.
Clean Poopie
The kind where you poopie it out, see it in the toilet, but there is nothing on the toilet paper.
Wet Poopie
The kind where you wipe your butt 50 times and it still feels unwiped, so you have to put some toilet paper between your butt and underwear so you won't ruin them with a stain.
Second Wave Poopie
This happens when you're done Poopie-ing and you've pulled up your pants to your knees, and you realize that you have to Poopie some more.
Pop-A-Vein-In-Your-Forehead-Poopie
The kind where you strain so much to get it out, you practically have a stroke.
Gassy Poopie
It's so noisy, everyone within earshot is laughing.
Drinker Poopie
The kind of Poopie you have the morning after a long night of drinking. Its most noticeable trait is the skid marks on the bottom of the toilet.
Lincoln Log Poopie
The kind of Poopie that is so huge you're afraid to flush without first breaking it into little pieces with the toilet brush.
Corn Poopie
Self-explanatory.
Gee-I-Wish-I-Could-Poopie Poopie
The kind where you want to Poopie but all you do is sit on the toilet and fart a few times.
Spinal Tap Poopie
That's where it hurts so badly coming out, you would swear it was leaving you sideways.
Wet Cheeks Poopie (The Power Dump)
The kind that comes out of your butt so fast, your butt gets splashed with water.
Liquid Poopie
The kind where yellowish-brown liquid shoots out your butt and splashes all over the toilet bowl.
Mexican Poopie
It smells so bad your nose burns.
The Surprise Poopie
You're not even at the toilet because you are sure you're about to fart, but oops.......a Poopie!!!
The Dangling Poopie
This Poopie refuses to drop into the toilet even though you know you are done Poopie-ing it. You just pray that a shake or two will cut it loose.
