*Note: The messages that tell what happens next are missing, for some strange reason. Here's a summary of the events.*

-Nalia led a visibly nervous Anomen down the wedding aisle. Just when Sir Ryan Trawl was saying the customary, "Do you, Anomen Delryn, take this woman to be your lawfully wedded wife," Anomen gave a signal to Edwin, who was in the congregation. Edwin made Anomen vanish out the window in a trail of smoke.

-A happy and relieved Anomen re-materialized in a grassy trail some distance away from the chapel. He met up with Edwin, and it was revealed that the two had made a deal: Anomen would trade his most prized items in his panty collection for Edwin to teleport him to safety. These most prized items happened to be Viconia's black leather nail-studded panties, Nalia's red lace panties, Aerie's cute blue panties, Jaheira's green mini-panties, and Ronin's teddy bear panties. Edwin gladly received his payment and walked off.

-Lord Cor found Anomen hiding and confronted him, ordering him to return to the chapel. Which is where the message thread starts...

From: Ronin | Posted: 3/6/2001 5:29:24 PM | Mark for Moderation

*Back at the wedding chapel...*

Mazzy: *in front of a TV camera* This is Mazzy Fentan reporting live from the Order of the Most Radiant Heart, where the wedding between two of Athkatla's favorite nobles, Nalia De'Arnise and Anomen Delryn, has been shockingly interrupted.
Cameraman: *motioning with his arm* Move a little to the side, Mazzy... let me get a shot of the wedding guests.
Mazzy: *steps to the left a little*
Yoshimo: *sees the camera and waves at it* Hi, everyone! Got a big party? Yoshi's Sushi Bar caters for all occasions--
Mazzy: *bumps Yoshi out of the way* EXCUSE me! You can do your commercials later!
Yoshi: Grrr, fine then... *walks off*
Jan: When's lunch?
Viconia: As soon as we find that sissy coward of a groom who deserted Nalia... *gestures to a crying Nalia, who's being comforted by Jaheira*
Jaheira: You mean that sissy UNDERWEAR-STEALING coward of a groom. My favorite set of green panties just went missing, and I think we all know who did it...!
Nalia: Noooo! He promised to stop his underwear obsession and marry me! *sob, sob!*
Yoshi: *to Mazzy* Pleeeease, just for a minute...
Mazzy: Go away! This is my segment!
Korgan: *steps in front of both Yoshi and Mazzy, smiling at the camera* Good day, everyone! Don't let constipation spoil your wedding-- get Korgan's All-Around Digestive Reliever!
Cameraman: *sweatdrop* This is gonna be a loooong day.....

*Meanwhile... unknown to Lord Cor, the ''Anomen'' that he's been talking to is actually an illusion created by sneaky Edwin (hee hee heeeee!).*

Lord Cor: Why on Faerun did you run away from your own wedding in the first place?!?
Anomen: ....... It's very embarrassing to explain, Father...
Lord Cor: I heard Sir Ryan say something about constipation...
Anomen: Yes, yes! *nodding* That's exactly it! I was constipated and I took too much of Korgan's All-Around Digestive Reliever, and so now I have diarrhea!
Lord Cor: Ohhhhhh. Poor son... I know how difficult that must be..... *gathers ''Anomen'' in his arms*
Anomen: I know! It's terrible, Father! *sob, sob!*
Lord Cor: There, there, son. I understand.
Real Anomen: *watching from some bushes* That rat Edwin!!! That illusion is ruining my reputation!
Anomen: Well, I'm ready to return to the wedding ceremony...
Lord Cor: That's my boy! *gives ''Anomen'' a fatherly clap on the back* Come now, go and marry that sweet De'Arnise girl so we can live happily ever after at her keep! Heh heh!

*Lord Cor and his illusionary son exit.*

Real Anomen: *quietly, to himself* Well, at least I'm free now. Mwahahah! Time to look for new panties to replenish my collection! *walks off happily*

(Will Edwin's illusion manage to stay through the wedding, or will it be dispelled by some clever person? Will it continue to make the real Anomen look bad? What will happen when everyone discovers that the real Anomen is missing? Will Mazzy end up bashing Yoshi's and Korgan's heads together to stop them from interrupting her news segment?)

Haer'Dalis: And will I ever get to sing with my band *gestures to Imoen, Jan and Valygar* at the wedding feast?

(To be continued!)
---
Be wise. Economize.
Use toilet paper twice.

From: Ronin | Posted: 3/8/2001 6:48:02 PM | Mark for Moderation

*Soon, ''Anomen'' and Lord Cor arrive at the wedding chapel.*

Director: Whoa! *motions to the cameraman* Get over here! The runaway groom just came back!
Cameraman: *rushes to the front of the chapel* Great! (Gee, I didn't think he was gonna come back... underwear-stealing freak...)
Nalia: *overjoyed* Oh, Anomen, sweetie!!! *dashes forward and flings herself into ''Anomen's'' arms* You came back! I knew you would!
Anomen: *kneels in front of Nalia* My dear, sweet Nalia, please forgive me for my foolishness.
Director: *to cameraman* Over here, over here! Get a shot of Anomen apologizing! Man, this is gonna be GREAT viewing!
Cameraman: Right. *zooms in for a close shot*
Anomen: I... I do not quite know how to explain myself to you, my dear...
Lord Cor: *interrupting, rather loudly* Aw, stuff all that romantic drivel and get to the point, boy! Just admit you've got diarrhea and you had to get away before you pooped in your pants in front of everybody!
Everyone: *GASP!!!*
Director: *with wide eyes* Huuuuuuh?!?
Nalia: ERRRRRR........ *sweatdrop*
All the wedding guests: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAA!!!
Cameraman: Ooooh, you're right, boss, this is gonna be GREAT viewing! HEE HEE HEEEEEEE!!!
Nalia: *blushing furiously* Let's just GET BACK TO THE WEDDING, shall we?!? *grabs Anomen by the arm and yanks him into the church*
Yoshi and Korgan: *standing nearby* Heh heh heh heh heh heh!
Nalia: WHAT ARE YOU TWO LAUGHING AT?!? *smashes both of them over the head... POW!!!*
Mazzy: Oooh! *looks at Yoshi and Korgan both on the ground* Thank you, Lady Nalia! Now I can resume my reporting in peace... after I play the wedding march with Haer'Dalis and the band! *rushes to Haer'Dalis, Jan, Imoen and Valygar, and joins them*
Haer'Dalis: All right, everyone...... one, two, three!

*The band plays the wedding march (again!) as Nalia and ''Anomen'' walk back into the church*
---
Be wise. Economize.
Use toilet paper twice.
From: Ronin | Posted: 3/8/2001 6:50:20 PM | Mark for Moderation

Viconia: *whispering* Be careful not to poop in your pants, Anomen! (heheheh!)
Nalia: *whispers back* Shut up, you, or I'll hang you from the top of the church bell!

*The guests and priest all return to their former places. The cameraman follows Nalia and Anomen to the front of the church.*

Sir Ryan: Well, now....... *ahem* Good to see you back, young Anomen. I suppose all is well now? *looks straight at him, a bit angry (of course he would be)*
Anomen: *looking very ashamed* Yes, Sir.
Nalia: *cuddling up to ''Anomen''* Oh, forget about it, sweetheart. At least we're together again, and that's what's important!
Sir Ryan: Yes, indeed! Together! Now... Nalia, do you--
Nalia: *before Sir Ryan can finish* Yes! Yes, I do!
Sir Ryan: And Anomen, do you--
Anomen: *BURRRRRRRRP!*

*The crowd gasps. Lord Cor gives his ''son'' a wide-eyed look that says ''You idiot, have you gone totally insane?!?''*

Anomen: Whoops, excuse me. Hee hee hee.
Nalia: *whispering* Darling, don't be a slob!!! *elbows ''Anomen'' sharply in the ribs*
Sir Ryan: *obviously quite flustered* AHEM...... right, we'd better finish this before your stomach problems get any worse..... ANYWAY... Anomen, do you take Nalia--
Anomen: *farts*
Nalia: _ANOMEN_!!!
Edwin: *unknown to everyone, is watching the ceremony through the window, controlling the Anomen illusion* Heh heeeeh! I am an absolute GENIUS!
Sir Ryan: *sweatdrop* ............. *he's too shocked to say anything at the moment*
Anomen: Wait, wait, I changed my mind! I don't want to marry Nalia!
Everybody: WHAAAAAAAT?!?
Lord Cor: What the %#&$^%**@#% are you saying, boy?!?
Anomen: I wanna marry YOU! *pulls Keldorn's wife out of the crowd and puts his arms around her*
Maria: EEEEEEEEEEK!!!
Keldorn: Maria...!!! *marches towards ''Anomen''* Young Anomen, you have gone too far--
Anomen: *interrupting Keldorn* And I wanna marry YOU! *hugs him*
Keldorn: Gaaaaaack! *faints*
Anomen: AND...... I wanna marry YOU... *hugs Bernard (the guy from the Copper Coronet)*... and YOU... *hugs Jan's uncle Gerhardt*... and YOU... *hugs Drizzt (we simply HAD to invite him!)*
Drizzt: Get off me, you foul PERVERT!
Cameraman: Yeah, this sure is one good show!
Director: Keep the camera on those two... we just might get to see the fight of the century: Anomen Delryn vs. Drizzt Do'Urden!

(To be continued!)
---
Be wise. Economize.
Use toilet paper twice.
From: Little Hamster | Posted: 3/8/2001 8:51:00 PM | Mark for Moderation
Ronin, you're really funny.
I feel sorry for poor Nalia. Two horrible fiance in a row must be hard to cope with for any girl. Someone should stand in to stop this wedding madness and let the girl have a happy fairy tale wedding. Maybe Lord Cor should marry Nalia to Anomen without Anomen's permission. I'm sure the nobles do things like that. Then Aunt and Cor will both be happy.

Oh I've got it. Aunt and Cor should get married instead. I don't remember Nalia's aunt having a husband. They're a match in heaven. Annoying women with drunken husband. (Imagine them complaining to each other about how the youth are so irresponsible these days and how they like to mingle in the Copper Coronet with the lower classes). Then the knights can still eat the wedding feast and Hear'Dalis and band can have the debut performance as well.

---
Boo do this, boo do that, somebody give this Minsc a banana.
From: The Younglings | Posted: 3/8/2001 10:14:48 PM | Delete this message
--Posted by Sir Richard--

Ah, but sadly, things never have a happy fairy-tale ending in the Baldur's Gate world. Besides, who would want to see Anomen married to Nalia..... her underwear just wouldn't look good on him (it's too small).

With Jan in the band, the Anomen illusion might be dispelled, as he's got a fairly high Detect Illusion score. But let's not dispel it just yet. I wanna see Drizzt and ''Anomen'' fight! But first.....

(Keldorn's wife, Maria, beats ''Anomen'' over the head with her purse.)

Maria: You perverted, sick maniac!!! And you call yourself a knight! (WHACK! WHACK! _THWACK!_)
Anomen: Ow! Ow! OW! (gets knocked all the way to the other end of the church)

Nya ha haaaa! I've always wanted to give that guy a right good bashing!
From: Vega Knight | Posted: 3/8/2001 11:59:00 PM | Mark for Moderation
Drizzt D'o Urden: by the nine hells are all of you people blind? can't you see this is not Anomen? the real Anomen would never have proposed to marry Maria! (hey, she is a GIRL:p) now get your hands off me, creature, or i'll run you through!

''Anomen'': hurrrghh, seems my clever enemy finally figured it out! alright, I will show you my true form, BEHOLD! the Lord of the Abyss!

"Anomen" starts growing, his skin becomes like thick red leather, huge wings grow out of his his back. he turns a doggy face to Drizzt:

Edwin: mwahaha, I've got such a great sense of comedy. :p those tv guys will get some for their money!:p

''Errtu'':And now, Drizzt d'O urden, come embrace your death!

Drizzt's scimitars go in a flurry of hacks and slashes, and about 5 seconds later, the so called ¬''Erttu" lies in pieces all around:p

with lighting speed, Drizzt cimitar are back to their sheat, he is on the back of ''Errtu'' hram crossed.

Drizzt: Rest in pieces. (hey, that's my line:p)

but then, the clever drow realizes it's been far too easy, and he is not the least bit surprised when he sees the pieces of ''Errtu'' melting into liquid and reforming to take the form of Anomen again.

''Anomen'': (talking with the voice of Edwin who is losing control over his Illusion) geez! that 's so lame, who in the hells invited Dritzz D'O Urden to ruin my litlle joke? :s you people are so naive, Anomen is quite far away now, you probably won't ever see him again, Mwha ha ha ha ha ha ha! (gee, I love sad ending:p)

but at this very moment, the sound of huge boots is heard and the Barbarian Wulfgar, folowed by the rest of Drizzt's co. (Regis, Cattie brie ,Bruenor, and Dellie curtie with the newly aquired ''daughter'' of Wulfgar) enter the shrine. The mighty warrior holds a very indisposed Anomen by the collar, and says:

Wulfgar: sorry we're late, but we encountered this happy fella on the road, running and laughting wildly with a bag full of feminine underwear on his back (leaving a trail from his pierced bag, a story recounted somewhere else and entitled The Little Pervert:p)we kinda passed him, before we realized that this man was the one that was supposed to marry lady Nalia at the very ceremony to which we were invited, so we followed him , caught him, and brought him here so he could explain to us his strange behavior.

''Anomen'': runs and kicks giant Wulfgar on the leg, Wulfgar growls and lets go of Anomen, then ''Anomen'' jumps onto Anomen, and start rolling upside down over him, so fast that we can't tell who is who anymore.

Wulfgar:(rushing and growling fiercely lifts both Anomens by the backs of their coats)

Drizzt: (drawing Twinkle and Icingdeath)By the sword of Cyric! who is the real Anomen!

Anomen and ''Anomen'':(Edwin having regained voice control) pointing to each other at the same time: It's him!

(to be continued)

I know, this is not much of a funny story, but funny isn't really ,my style.I leave that to really funny peoples, like Ronin, I just give the situation a little help because it wouldn't be fair(altought more amusing) if Ronin was doing it all by herself. anyone who want to continue can, we did no copiright you know.
ciao earthlings

---
Dorithori iwa na sasena•/Never let anyone get in your way!

From: The Younglings | Posted: 3/11/2001 6:11:23 AM | Delete this message

--Posted by Sir Richard--

(Suddenly, Edwin is struck by sharp stomach pains.)

Edwin: Gnnnngh! Argh!!! I knew I shouldn't have trusted Cernd's chili tofu sandwiches! Urrrrrrgggh!!!

(As a result, the illusionary Anomen starts to fade slightly from Edwin's loss of control.)

Wulfgar: Look! One of the Anomens is fading! (points)
Sir Ryan: Then that means THIS is the real Anomen! (grabs the real Anomen by the collar)
Anomen: (SWEATDROP!!!) Gyaaaaaah!

(But then...... to everyone's shock, SIX more Anomens, all dressed in identical wedding outfits, rush into the church.)

Anomen 1: No! _I_ am the real Anomen!
Anomen 2: He's lying! _I_ am the real Anomen!
Anomen 3: No, it's me!
Anomen 4: Heck no! It's _me_!
Anomen 5: No way! _I'm_ the real Anomen!
Anomen 6: You're all wrong! There's only one Anomen Delryn, and it's ME!
Sir Ryan: (confused beyond belief) Huuuuuuh?!? (stares at all the Anomens) By Torm! What's going on here?!

(And while the entire crowd is distracted, a mysterious figure in a pale blue cloak creeps silently into the church and taps the real Anomen on the shoulder.)

???: Pssst! Anomen! Hurry, while everyone's confused... get out of here!
Anomen: Whaaa-?! Huh? Who...
???: No time for that! Do you want to escape alive, or not?
Anomen: Fine, fine, I'm going! (starts to run away) Oh, but wait....... (searches around, locates the bag of underwear that Wulfgar took away, and grabs it) All right! Let's go!

(Anomen and the mysterious figure make their way to the forest outside the church.)

From: The Younglings | Posted: 3/11/2001 6:12:09 AM | Delete this message

Anomen: (pauses to catch his breath) Huff..... puff...... Thank you... whoever you are...
???: (his/her face is concealed by a drooping hood, and he/she speaks in a low, almost whispering voice) I did what I could. I'm no master mage-- those illusions won't last very long. Just long enough for us... for you... to get away.
Anomen: (puzzled) Why? Why would you concern yourself with me? Why would you go through all that trouble... disturb the wedding even further... to help me escape?
???: ........... (silence)
Anomen: Is something wrong?
???: .............. I loved you, once. I've gotten over you... I think. But I... I couldn't stand to see you being forced into a marriage that you obviously, totally didn't want.
Anomen: Loved me, once? ...... Who are you?
???: ..... (remains silent, and turns away) I'll be leaving. Take care, Anomen. I wish you good fortune in whatever you choose to do with your life.
Anomen: ..... (falls silent as well, staring solemnly at the cloaked figure and wondering... who could it be? Could he have been happy with her, perhaps abandoned his... uh... obsession and been loved, respected, like a regular person?)
???: (walks into the distance several steps, then turns back) Oh, Anomen... (rushes to him)
Anomen: (brightens up, slightly) Yes?
???: (grabs a set of white teddy bear-covered panties from the bag of underwear) Gimme my panties back, you wacko!!! (kicks him in the knee, and in the process, the hood of her cloak is thrown back from the impact)
Anomen: Ow!!! (sees the figure's face) ..... Ronin?!?
Ronin: Thanks. (puts the underwear in her pocket) Now get outta here! Get lost! Before I decide to kick you someplace where it's REALLY gonna hurt!
Anomen: B-but... wha-... wha-... w-w-what......
Ronin: What, you're wondering why I'm not at the wedding? I told you, I couldn't stand to see you get married against your will! The moment I heard you and Nalia were getting hitched, I knew something was wrong! Like maybe your dad had forced you into it, or something!
Anomen: W-well......
Ronin: I'm leaving.
Anomen: ..... I--
Ronin: 'Bye, Anomen. Maybe I'll see you again. Maybe not. It doesn't matter. You're free, I've gotten over you........ It's time for us to get on with our lives. (begins to cast a spell)
Anomen: Wait!

(Ronin vanishes.)

Anomen: I... I...... (falls silent again for a long moment) I'm alone... again. (turns away from the forest and gazes into the horizon) What shall I do now? How am I to live my life? (stands in deep thought for a while, then starts to walk deeper into the forest)

(Unknown to him, Ronin hasn't teleported away-- she's still standing there, invisible, watching him.)

Ronin: (thinking) What _will_ you do, Anomen? And what will I do?

From: Ronin | Posted: 3/12/2001 7:07:46 PM | Mark for Moderation

*Back at the wedding...*

Drizzt: Gack! Six more of THIS guy to deal with! *gestures to the horde of illusionary Anomens* As if one self-righteous underwear thief isn't enough! *looks around the chapel* Isn't there anyone here who can dispel illusions?

Regis: Well, let's see....... *spots Aerie... problem is, she's panicking from the onslaught of Anomens* Nope, not her... *spots Keldorn-- he's still unconscious* Uh, not him... *spots Jan and Imoen... they're in the band with Haer'Dalis, Valygar and Mazzy, playing the theme song from ''The Benny Hill Show'' as the Anomens chase all the women around the chapel* Ah, what the heck, those guys will do. *yanks Jan and Imoen off the stage*

Jan: Hey!
Imoen: Hey! That's just SO rude--
Drizzt: Never mind that! *points* Those illusions need to be dispelled!
Imoen: Oh, fine, then. *pouting*
Jan: I'll do it... for a turnip.
Drizzt: Whatever! Just make those things disappear!
Jan and Imoen: *quickly cast a spell*

*The illusions vanish.*
From: Ronin | Posted: 3/12/2001 7:09:20 PM | Mark for Moderation

Sir Ryan: Oh, thank Helm!
Viconia: Whew! I didn't think I'd be able to stand seeing Anomen's face everywhere for much longer!
Nalia: WAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!

*Everyone turns to a crying Nalia.*

Nalia: *sobbing in Jaheira's arms* Th-this... *sob* this whole wedding has been a d-disaster..... *sniff* I thought I'd be able t-to marry t-th-the m-man of m-m-my *sniff* dreams......... WAAAAAAAAH! *sob!*
Jaheira: There, there, child... *patting her back soothingly*
Valygar: *steps down from the stage and sets his saxophone aside* If I may say something, Lady Nalia...?
Nalia: *sniff, sniff* ......... Huh? *sniff* S-sure... go on...
Valygar: I... I know that this is going to be sudden... and believe me, this is extremely difficult for me to say.........
Nalia: Hmm? *a bit confused*
Valygar: I've....... been in love with you for a long time, Lady Nalia. From the moment I saw you, I knew...... that I wanted to stop living alone, to spend the rest of my life with you by my side...
Wedding guests: *all clearly surprised, and touched* .......
Haer'Dalis: *whispers to his band* All right, everyone... one, two, three!

*The band plays the Backstreet Boys hit''I'll Never Break Your Heart'' as Haer'Dalis sings.*

Haer'Dalis: From the first day that I saw your smiling face... honey, I knew that we would be together forever...
Wulfgar: Hey, quit that! No need to get over-dramatic! *throws something at Haer'Dalis, hitting him on the head and knocking him out*
Cattie Brie: Whoa! A solid hit!
Wulfgar: *stares at the unconscious Haer'Dalis, shocked* ...... I didn't mean to knock the guy out! I just wanted to shut him up!
Cattie: Well, what did you throw at him?!
Wulfgar: *points to a plate of small pies* One of those fruit pies!
Cattie: *whispers to Wulfgar* Drizzt made those. You know how terrible he is in the kitchen.
Wulfgar: *sweatdrop* Oh.
Valygar: *continuing* ... and when I heard you were marrying Anomen, I thought my... my heart would break in two...
Wedding guests: ......... *very touched... some (including Lord Cor) are crying*
Nalia: Oh, Valygar... I... I love you too! I was wrong about Anomen... my heart has always belonged to you!
Nalia's Aunty: What? You can't be thinking of going with this peasant here!
Valygar: Hey, who's a peasant? I've got a mighty fine house in Athkatla AND my very own vacation cabin in the Umar Hills!
Aunty: Well, you can't have anything to do with Nalia because blah blah blah blah blah blah blah nag nag nag--
Wulfgar: *throws one of Drizzt's pies at Aunty*

*KONK!*

Aunty: *unconscious*
Wulfgar: I love happy endings! *slaps a high-five to all his comrades*
Sir Ryan: Well, we shall have a happy ending! *pulls Valygar and Nalia in front of him* Since it is obvious that the two of you are made for each other, would you like to--
Nalia: Yes! Yes! I want to marry Valygar, right now!
Valygar: *smiling... for once* Yes, I'd like that.
Sir Ryan: Wonderful! Let's do a quick ceremony... (quickly, so we can eat already!) Nalia, do you take--
Nalia: YES!!!
Sir Ryan: And Valygar, do you--
Valygar: I do.
Sir Ryan: *talking really fast* I-now-pronounce-you-man-and-wife-now-let's-go-and-eat-lunch!!!
Wedding guests: HOORAAAAAAAYYY!

(Watch out for what happens at the wedding banquet! Is Edwin coming down with a BAD case of diarrhea? Will Wulfgar knock out anyone else with Drizzt's fruit pies? Will anyone like Yoshi's specialty Sahuagin Fin and Tuna Roll? And most importantly... is there enough of Korgan's All-Around Digestive Reliever for the unfortunate victims of Keldorn's chicken burritos? Tune in next time!)
---
Be wise. Economize.
Use toilet paper twice.

From: Karrde | Posted: 3/14/2001 9:04:51 AM | Mark for Moderation
But what about Anomen? He's all alone in the woods with a sack full of ladies' underwear!

Anomen (rubbing his hands with glee): Well, my pretties, which of you will I try on first?

Makes him a prime target for certain dimunitive high-level Monks with underwear fetishes, I think. The kind whose students turn into Pandas...

From: Ronin | Posted: 3/15/2001 5:12:13 PM | Mark for Moderation

*Before Anomen can reach into the sack, something strikes him on the back of the head-- HARD. As he sinks to the ground, the last thing he sees before losing consciousness is a familiar blue-cloaked figure with clenched fists, striding off into the distance.*

Ronin: Honestly, you are HOPELESS!!! *leaves the forest*
Anomen: ............ *knocked out*

*Meanwhile, at the wedding party...*

Regis: Errr...... *putting on a forced, cheesy smile* These are, uh, LOVELY fruit pies, Drizzt! *has one of Drizzt's homemade pies on his plate... he HAD to take one; Drizzt was watching*
Wulfgar: Uh, YEAH! *nodding enthusiastically, with a pie on his plate as well* They're, er... GREAT!
Drizzt: Why, thank you. You want to know what makes them so tasty?
Regis/Wulfgar: *sweatdrop* Ummm......
Drizzt: I don't bother taking the seeds out of the fruits. Gives the pies extra flavor!
Regis/Wulfgar: Oooooooh. *nodding*

*In the background, some of the wedding guests can faintly be heard choking or spitting something out. (of course we know they're choking on the cooking of a certain Drow ranger...)*

Drizzt: Gee, what's their problem? *scratches his head*
Regis: I don't know...... *slowly backing away from Drizzt, pulling Wulfgar along by the coat sleeve* Maybe they're allergic to seafood... *backs away a few more steps* I hear Nalia hired a sushi chef... *he and Wulfgar are now about six feet away from Drizzt* Hey, look! Chicken burritos! *rushes away, pulling Wulfgar along with him*
Drizzt: Hmm. I didn't know those guys liked Mexican food.

*At the other end of the hall...*

Aerie: Nalia, I'm so happy that you've finally found Mr. Right!
Nalia: *smiling, with her arms around Valygar* So am I! Hey... when are you marrying Haer'Dalis, hmmm? *nudges Aerie*
Aerie: Oh..... well..... *blushes* We... haven't gotten around to discussing that, yet.....
Nalia: *sees Haer'Dalis sprawled on the ground* Oh my goodness!!! What happened to Haer'Dalis?!
Valygar: Somebody hit him with a fruit pie.
Aerie: Eeeeeek! *rushes to Haer'Dalis*
Nalia: A fruit pie?!
Valygar: Baked by Drizzt.
Nalia: Oh. *nods in understanding*

*Suddenly Edwin stumbles into the hall, clutching his stomach.*

Edwin: Ooooooh....... where's the bathroom?!?
Nalia: *sees him* Edwin!!!
Edwin: Gack! I am in _serious_ trouble... *sees Nalia rushing towards him* Argh, if only this pain would subside enough for me to cast a spell--
Nalia: *hugs Edwin* Edwin, you sweet, lovable, ingenious man, you!
Edwin: Ehhhhhhh?! *totally confused*
Nalia: Because of you, I didn't wind up marrying that pervert Anomen and married the REAL man of my dreams! Oh, Edwin, you're a hero!
Edwin: Yes, yes...... I am a hero... now show me where the bathroom is before my butt releases something unpleasant!
Nalia: *pointing* Down the corridor, third door on the left.
Edwin: *immediately runs in that direction*

From: Ronin | Posted: 3/15/2001 6:12:24 PM | Mark for Moderation
*And at another table...*

Imoen: Well, I've got to admit... Cernd actually cooked something _good_!
Yoshi: What is it?
Imoen: Fried tofu with herbs.
Yoshi: Ack! Tofu!!! All that guy ever cooks is TOFU!!! I'm absolutely sick and tired of--
Imoen: No, Yoshi, this stuff is _great_... trust me! Tofu or not, it tastes fantastic!
Yoshi: Oh, all right... *puts some of it on his plate and tastes it* Hey, it IS good!
Imoen: See? Told ya!

*Everyone is talking about how lovely Cernd's new tofu dish is. Cernd, however, is nowhere to be found.*

Jaheira: Where is Cernd? Just when he finally cooks something tasty, he disappears.
Minsc: Minsc and Boo shall find the missing chef! Right, Boo?
Boo: Squeak squeak squeak! (Yeah, but first, gimme some more of that great fruit pie!)

*Minsc and Boo search the hall, finding no trace of Cernd. Puzzled, they check the rest of the church, finally moving outside.*

Boo: Squeak! (There he is!) *spots Cernd in the garden, looking somewhat nervous*
Minsc: There you are, Cernd! And thanks to Boo, for his excellent display of tracking skills!
Cernd: Minsc...... *walks up to him* I... I don't know what to do...
Minsc: Don't know what to do? Come inside-- that is what you must do! Everybody is complimenting your delicious tofu dish!
Cernd: That's the problem, Minsc. I don't think it's safe to be in there, when so many people have eaten that stuff.....
Minsc: Safe.....?
Cernd: It's the herbs. *sits down under a tree, definitely uneasy* I forgot all about their expiry date when I was making the dish. I just remembered now that their freshness expired two days ago.
Boo: Squeak, squeak squeak squeak?
Minsc: Boo says, why should it be such a concerning matter for mere herbs to lose their freshness?
Cernd: These aren't ordinary herbs. They're very rare specimens that grow in the Forest of Tethyr. They're delicious when cooked with the proper food, but when they're past their expiry date, they can have unpredictable effects on anyone who eats them.
Minsc: Such as?
Cernd: I'm not sure... but it's said that they can severely affect a person's mental state. *looks back at the chapel* If all of the guests have eaten some of the tofu dish, it might not be safe to--
Minsc: *suddenly jumps up* I am Count Dracula of Transylvania! Come, Boo! It is time for us to feed! Yaaaaaah! *charges towards the chapel*
Cernd: Oh noooo! It's happening!

*Inside...*

Jan: *goes to the stage* Attention, ladies! We've got a GREAT show for you, yes we do! Prepare to be dazzled by the Radiant Heart's very own super-sexy, macho man... KELDORN FIRECAM!
Ladies (including Maria): *cheering wildly* EEEEEEEEEEE!
Keldorn: *fully recovered, jumps on the stage as the band plays the song ''I'm Too Sexy'' and sings along* I'm... too sexy for my shirt... too sexy for my shirt... sooo sexy, it hurts! *unfastens his coat and tosses it into the audience, then starts taking off his shirt*
Viconia: EEEEEEEEEEE! GO, KELDORN! TAKE IT ALL OFF!
Nalia: Hey! There's no way that guy can be sexier than my Valygar! *shoves Valygar to the front* C'mon, sweetie... show everyone what you've got!
Valygar: Yeah!!! *joins Keldorn on the stage and starts taking off his clothes as well*

(The wedding party has turned into a nuthouse, Edwin is still in the bathroom, and Anomen is lying unconscious in the woods beside a sack full of ladies' underwear! Where shall the story go from here? To be continued!)
---
Be wise. Economize.
Use toilet paper twice.