Xeynon: Sorry I wasn't around when you sent me that message earlier I had a
final exam to take (last one of the year, hurray for that!)

Ronin: Oooh... I shouldn't have sent Haer'Dalis after you, then... *sweatdrop*

Xeynon: haha, it's okay. I kicked his 52 HP Tiefling butt ;)

Ronin: Heeeyyyy! Don't be mean to Haer'Dalis!

Waitaminute... 52 HP?!? *rushes off, alarmed* That guy's only got 47 HP in my
game!

*finds Haer'Dalis, sprawled on the ground*

Gyah! Cleric! Cleric!

Xeynon: my latest PC is a fighter/cleric, so I patched him up

Ronin: Well, he still looks like he's in rather bad shape! ...Oh, wait... he's just
playing dead so I'll fall all over him with hugs and sympathy.

Xeynon: that sure sounds like Haer'Dalis to me

Ronin: Well, I'm hauling 'Dalis off to his bed, anyway. You meanie!

*drags Haer'Dalis out of the room*

Xeynon: I'm sorry... If you hadn't sent him after me, this problem never would
have happened, you know!

Ronin: *tucks Haer'Dalis in* Sleep tight...

Xeynon: you'd better be careful. I've heard Aerie gets jealous easily, and if she
caught you tucking her man in... let's just say her inner Viconia might emerge :)

Ronin: Gyah, I can't stand it... Haer'Dalis is too cute! I wanna hug him!

Xeynon: hahaha. I dunno, those ears, and the scars

Ronin: *squeeeeeeeze* Who cares?

Haer'Dalis: *getting choked* Ack..... agh...

Ronin: Whoops, sorry, 'Dalis...

Haer'Dalis: *grumble grumble*

Xeynon: Oh, so you've taken to calling him 'Dalis now have you? Aerie's on the
other line. This is what she just said. "Oh it's horrible. You-you tell that R-Ronin
Fox to s-stay away from my Harry! Oh, this is worse than when Viconia tried to
steal my date at the Kamote Awards after party!

Ronin: ... Harry? Aerie calls you Harry? BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAA!!!

Haer'Dalis: *grumbles some more and pulls the covers over his head... his voice
is muffled by the blankets* Leave me be!

Xeynon: hehe.

Aerie: Y-you tell that, that, h-horrible woman to s-top, n-now! Oh p-please!"

Xeynon: Aerie sounds quite bent out of shape.

Aerie: Ohhhh! Oh Harry! H-How could you... Grrrrr.. VITA... MORTIS...

Xeynon: uh, I think you'd better tell Haer'Dalis to get out of there... I hear a Death
Spell coming...

Ronin: Hey, Aerie, is that you? Great! It's Ronin Fox here. Listen, would you mind
coming over? 'Dalis needs a Cure Serious Wounds spell or two.

Aerie: O-okay! D-don't you ever try to s-steal my Harry, you, you woman you! Or-
or I'll kill you! I'll kill you faster than Chaktikka Fastpaws!

Haer'Dalis: *from under the covers* Will the two of you SILENCE yourselves?!?
Your bickering is giving me a headache!

Ronin: Yeesh, Aerie, how do you put up with a boyfriend like that?! ... Well, he IS
cute...

Aerie: S-shut up Harry! You w-wouldn't be under the c-covers with that vixen if y-
you weren't partially responsible! I s-saw the way you looked at Raelis w-when
we went to visit her in Sigil last year! You said you two were through! And now
this? Oh what would Quayle say?

Ronin: ... RAELIS?!? 'Dalis, really, you should know better!!!

Haer'Dalis: *sticks the pillow over his ears and groans*

Ronin: 'Dalis? 'Dalis! Hey! I'm talking to you!

Haer'Dalis: *holds the pillow over his ears and doesn't respond*

Ronin: I don't think he can hear us.

Xeynon: yknow, I don't feel like getting involved in this...

Aerie: S-shut up! Y-you said when you started going out with that m-mean
spiteful woman Jaheira we could s-still be friends!

Xeynon: Uh oh. Looks like I've got no choice!

Ronin: Jaheira isn't THAT mean...

Aerie: D-don't you go g-getting involved you f-fox! T-this is between me and him!

Xeynon: *groans*

Ronin: Fine, fine, I'll butt out of your private matters. *turns to Haer'Dalis and
thumps the pillow with a fist*

Haer'Dalis: *muffled OWWWWW!!!*

Ronin: You gonna come out of there, or what?

Xeynon: No, no please don't butt out! Aerie is about to give me the "real friends"
lecture again!

Haer'Dalis: *finally lifts the pillow from his head and yells at Ronin* Thanks to
YOUR dragging me into bed, I must have broken every joint in my body!

Ronin: *sweatdrop* Um... 'Dalis... that did NOT sound very... good...
You could have worded that differently, so it wasn't implying... erm... YOU
KNOW...

Haer'Dalis: *grumble grumble*

Aerie: W-WHAT!?!? Y..YOU!

Ronin: He wasn't implying THAT, Aerie...

Aerie: *casts Shillelagh*

Ronin: Oh, bother.

Aerie: Y-you shut up! You steal my Harry, you t-temptress, and now y-you t-tell
me that's n-not what's happening? I m-may have sp-spent my whole life in a
circus but I-I'm not stupid you know!

Ronin: I was just trying to help the guy...

Xeynon: uh oh. Aerie just bolted out the door... I think she's on her way over with
that Shillelagh.

Ronin: I'm not worried.

Xeynon: I think it has Haer'Dalis' name on it actually...

Ronin: Well, I'll protect 'Dalis at all costs! *sits at the foot of the bed*

Xeynon: uh oh... Jaheira dear?

Jaheira: Nature's servant awaits!

Xeynon: Ummm, I think I'm going to need you to go over to Ronin Fox's house...
It looks like Aerie and Haer'Dalis are having some relationship difficulties, and
you might need to patch them up.

Ronin: Hey, what're you sending HER over for?! She's just gonna boss everyone
around! She'll probably make things ten times worse!

Jaheira: Why don't YOU do something for once? Why is it always me who has to
do the healing around here? Who says a man can't help out with that!

Xeynon: Oh brother...

Ronin: I can deal with Aerie myself!

Haer'Dalis: Out. Get out of the room. OUT. I will not have you squabbling in my
immediate vicinity.

Xeynon: oy vey. It looks like it's going to be a long afternoon over there. *mutters
under his breath* women!

Jaheira: I HEARD THAT!

Ronin: ... Ooooooh... better be glad that wasn't Viconia...

Xeynon: oh boy. I just got myself in trouble.

Ronin: Um, I'll say...

Jaheira: And just who are YOU talking to? It's not that harlot Viconia again is it?

Xeynon: uh, no my dear. You know I don't like Viconia, I just work with her.

Jaheira: What's THAT supposed to mean?!?

Ronin: *sweatdrop* Oh dear... I guess I'll introduce myself...

Xeynon: ahem... oh geez. I'm not having ANY luck trying to avoid euphemisms
today...

Ronin: *trying to speak with Jaheira* Gah... uh... it's true! He doesn't like Viconia!
I remember him talking about it some time ago...!

Jaheira: *grabs the phone* and just WHO IS THIS?

Ronin: *gyah, she makes me stutter like Khalid!* Ruh-ruh-ro-r-Ronin F-Fo-Fox,
m-ma'am... I mean, Jaheira... I mean, erm... errrr...

Jaheira: Don't you "ma'am" me! And don't stutter! I HATE stuttering! Bah, first
Khalid, then that naive little fawn Aerie, now you!

Ronin: AIEE! Yes, ma'am... I mean, yes, J-Ja-Jaheira.....

Xeynon: oh boy

Ronin: Look, I'm a friend of Xeynon's, that's all... *turns slightly away from the
phone mouthpiece* And 'Dalis, if you don't wanna hear me talk, move to another
bedroom!

Jaheira: Who are you talking to? One of his other "friends"?

Xeynon: Errr.. Looks like I'm really in the doghouse now...

Ronin: No, it's your bard, Haer'Dalis. You wanna talk to him? He's a little grumpy
right now, though.

Jaheira: Bard? We don't have a Bard!

Ronin: Oh, that's right... your Blade. Yes, he's here.

Jaheira: We have a paladin, two rangers, a cleric, a druid, and a thief, but no
bard! What are you talking about?

Xeynon: Aiyeee... this isn't getting any easier. Calm down Jaheira this is all a
misunderstanding!

Jaheira: And what, praytell, is there to misunderstand, oh omnipresent authority
figure?

Xeynon: Gyah I hate it when she pulls that line on me...

Ronin: *still talking to Jaheira* You know... The poet who's dating Aerie. *sits
down, and accidentally sits on Haer'Dalis' busted knee, producing a loud groan*

Jaheira: Aerie? Yes. That foolish girl who wouldn't leave my Xeynon alone!

Xeynon: ack. Jaheira, we weren't actually DATING at that point you know...

Haer'Dalis: OHHHHHHHHHHH..........

Jaheira: Well, I don't see what that has to do with it? I was having dreams about
how my dead husband wanted me to be with you while you fawned all over that
cute elf with her sob stories?!?

Ronin: I'd better switch my position... *sits someplace else, safely away from any
of Haer'Dalis' joints*

Haer'Dalis: ...... Much better...

Xeynon: oooh boy. *clears throat* Jaheira, I was very touched by Aerie's loss. I
really felt very sorry, and-

Ronin: Wow, somebody call Jerry Springer!

Jaheira: That's not all you were touched by or all you felt was it?!?

Ronin: Jer-ry! Jer-ry! Jer-ry!

Xeynon: oh no. That wit gets me again. *sigh* ...yknow, speaking of Aerie, she's
got to be almost to your house by now...

Ronin: Gee, I don't know what I can do to help...

Xeynon: it's okay. Jaheira and I have an understanding.

Jaheira: And you will kindly keep your nose out of it, woman!

Xeynon: Jaheira, please!

Ronin: *shifts position slightly, accidentally bumping Haer'Dalis' elbow* Well, like
I said, I'm not worried...

Haer'Dalis: OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!! *moaning in pain*

Xeynon: ummm, Jaheira, you know, Keldorn and Lady Maria are due for dinner
tonight, and...

Jaheira: Yes? You expect me to cook the Sorik Berry Pie do you?

Ronin: Grrrr, don't "woman" me... *leans back, accidentally poking Haer'Dalis in
the ribs*

Haer'Dalis: AHHHHHHH! OHHHHHH!

*Haer'Dalis' groans and screams can be heard from outside the house*

Ronin: Oh, I'm so sorry, 'Dalis! ...Wow, maybe I should ask Jaheira for her Sorik
Berry Pie recipe...

Jaheira: That recipe belonged to my Khalid and I'll not have you dirty it!

Ronin: Oh, okay... Do you have any chocolate cake recipes?

Xeynon: Ummm, Jaheira... could you try to be a little more... ummm...

Jaheira: Yes?

Xeynon: ummm...

Jaheira: *ignoring Ronin* I'm waiting...

Xeynon: diplomatic?

Ronin: *can't help but chuckle slightly*

Jaheira: Oh undiplomatic am I?

Xeynon: *sigh* I've got a few choice recipes from Dradeel for you...

Ronin: Oh, I've got some of Dradeel's recipes too. I think I'll fix up some of them
for 'Dalis here.

Jaheira: *storms off*

Xeynon: Well, it looks like I'll be doing the cooking tonight...

Ronin: ...... Did I just hear the sound of someone angrily storming out of the
room?

Xeynon: yeah, that would be Jaheira, my darling druid.

Jaheira: *shouts down the stairs* I can still hear you, you know!

Xeynon: ooh boy. I just dig myself deeper and deeper.

Ronin: So when's Aerie supposed to be arriving?

Xeynon: I think she should be there momentarily... Her Shillelagh won't last much
longer...

Ronin: *gets some food out of the fridge* Say, 'Dalis, getting beaten up must've
made you pretty hungry. *brings him a slice of chocolate cake with fudge frosting,
and sits on the edge of the bed*

Haer'Dalis: *his right hand just got sat on* OOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!

Xeynon: It's just not his lucky day, is it? For once, I sympathize...

Haer'Dalis: *yelling* For once, will you refrain from sitting on any part of my
anatomy?!?

*Aerie just happens to be right at the front door, and that last line was QUITE
audible...*

Xeynon: Is Aerie there yet?

Ronin: I think she is... I can hear pounding at the front door.

Xeynon: ahhh.

Ronin: *goes up to the door and opens it* Hi, Aerie. Come on in. *holds out the
slice of cake* Want some cake?

Jaheira: *shouts down the stairs* You'd better get cooking if you want that pie
done by the time Keldorn and Lady Maria get here! What do you think, that I'm
here to await your need?

Ronin: Yeesh, she doesn't sound too happy... *turns her attention back to Aerie,
and points in Haer'Dalis' general direction* 'Dalis is somewhere back there, but
it'd be best if we let him rest. He's been through a lot.

Xeynon: I don't know if that was the best thing to say... what? call on the other
line? ...oh no! It's Viconia!

Ronin: ..... Ehhhh?

Xeynon: I didn't think this day could get any worse...

Ronin: Can't you, uh... hide, or something? Or change your voice so it doesn't
sound like it's you who picked up the phone? You said you can impersonate lots
of people!

Xeynon: Uh... I already answered it... and most of the people I impersonate are
either dead or definitely not around my house a lot... *grimaces* she's given me
her customary greeting, calling me a piece of absolute dirt crawling filth and what
have you...

Ronin: Okay, scratch that idea...
I have to go for now (dad sent me on an errand to the bookshop). Meanwhile,
Aerie, have a seat *directs her to the couch* and some cake.
'Dalis is sleeping soundly, so let's not wake him. Xeynon, Jaheira, Vic... bye!
Catch you all later!

Xeynon: yuppers. see ya around. Maybe I'll ask Jaheira about that Sorik pie
recipe when she's in a better mood...
************************************
*The next day...*

Ronin: Hello. I'm calling from a locked closet. Aerie's out there...

Xeynon: Aigh! Has she been causing you problems?

Ronin: Maybe you could... uh... ask Viconia to drop by my place? While Aerie's
distracted, I can sneak out the window...

Xeynon: Ah, well Viconia...

Ronin: Aerie's whining so much that my ears are just about ready to drop off!
With a weapon like that, she doesn't need to physically hit me!

Xeynon: How is old Harry doing?

Ronin: Sleepin' like a log. *shields ears against Aerie's verbal barrage* I tried
telling Aerie that nothing happened between 'Dalis and me, but she kept saying
that she heard moaning coming from the house, and that I can't fool her...

Xeynon: my sympathies. Aerie is like that sometimes...

Ronin: Can't ya do something?!

Xeynon: I could send Jaheira over... I was sleeping on the couch last night
though, so I don't know if she's forgiven me yet... for yesterday's outburst

Ronin: Ohhh... yah, I remember...

Xeynon: Oooh boy. You should have seen her when Keldorn and Lady Maria
were here

Ronin: Ehhh? How'd the dinner go?

Xeynon: Somehow I think I'm going to have to have my weekly poker game with
Minsc and Valygar at somebody else's house...

the dinner was good... The Sorik berry pie was a little too sour, but don't tell
Jaheira that...

Ronin: Wow, can you introduce me to Valygar? I've always wanted to meet him.

Xeynon: he's kind of the quiet type

Ronin: Well, so am I. *shrugs*

Xeynon: but whew, if you think Jaheira doesn't like Viconia...

Ronin: Hmm?

Xeynon: Just remembering the company picnic last year. Valygar actually threw
a BEANBALL at Viconia in the noncompetetive slow pitch softball game!

Ronin: Well, that's what she gets for always picking on him! It was only a matter
of time before he snapped!

Xeynon: there's been hostility between Valygar and Viconia for awhile... You
should have heard the time we had that deadline proposal... We had to clean out
a nest of vampires and rescue a holy artifact on a 48 hour deadline... as Viconia
presents her proposal, Valygar butts in and says "go tell it to someone who
cares, Viconia!" How embarassing! Hah! Now THAT is funny

Ronin: Hey, that was a bit mean of Val. But I guess he couldn't take it any more...

*shifts around uncomfortably in the closet* Ugh, I'm surrounded by miscellaneous
stuff.

Xeynon: aren't we all? I've been needing to do a housecleaning since forever
now...

Ronin: *gets buried as the pile of stuff collapses* Bwaaaaaah!!!

Ugggh, now I'll never get out of this closet...

Xeynon: hehe I'm sure Aerie will be willing to help you

Ronin: Do NOT mention that name!

Xeynon: what's wrong with Aer...er, that name?

Ronin: I've had enough of Aerie for today, thanks very much!

I can just barely reach the cellphone in my pocket..... maybe I can call up Mazzy
and ask for help... or Cernd, or Anomen, whichever... But the signal's too weak in
here-- I doubt I'd be able to get through.

Xeynon: Avoid asking for Anomen's help... No doubt he'd be bragging about
bringing down the hordes of your closet for years to come

Ronin: *calls up Mazzy's place* Dang, she's not around...

*calls up Cernd's house* Oh, he's not around either... NOW what?!?

Xeynon: Who's left? Yoshi? Edwin? Korgan? I don't know if you want to rely on
any of them for help...

Ronin: Well, Yoshi and I get along rather well. I'll try to get a hold of him...

*calls up*

Hello? ... Yosh? Hey ya! Yah, I'm in a bit of a tight spot here..... I was wondering
if you could-- hello? Hello? YOSHI!!! ... Hello? Dang it, don't scare me like that!
Yah, here's what's up. I'm stuck in my closet, trapped under a pile of
miscellaneous junk. Aerie's here, but she's-- hello? HELLO?!? *sound of phone
being hung up is heard*

Xeynon: see, there's Yoshi for ya'. Anomen...

*Suddenly the closet door bursts open, sending a flood of clothes, junk and
Ronin sprawling onto the carpet.*

Ronin: Bwaaaaaaah! *picks herself up from under a pile of T-shirts* Guh! Gah!
Whew! Fresh air! Fresh air!!! I never thought I'd breathe it again!

Anomen: Well, aren't you glad that *I* stopped by?

Ronin: EH?!? *rises up on tiptoe to meet Anomen's gaze squarely* Now how'd
YOU get into MY house?!? Huh?!?

Anomen: I still have that spare key you gave me, remember?

Ronin: *slaps herself on the forehead* D'OH!

Xeynon: Oh dangit... Imoen just stopped by, and I was going to send her by to
help you out...

Imoen: Heya! It's me-

Xeynon: Yes, I know who you are.

Anomen: Anyway, I do believe that--

Ronin: Yes, yes, thank you, Mr. Righteous Goody-Two-Shoes Hero-To-Save-
The-Day. I actually could've gotten myself out without your help... Say, where's
Aerie? I would've thought she'd have stormed in here right now to give me a
whiny-barrage.

Anomen: She's sulking in the living room. *looks at Ronin suspiciously* She was
muttering something about catching you in bed with Haer'Dalis.

Ronin: *shrugs* Well, I dragged him to a bed, but not in that--

Anomen: You WHAT?!? *turns red with fury* So you admit that you--

Ronin: It's not like THAT!!!

Xeynon: Oooh boy. Don't let the two of them together hear of this!

Ronin: The two of who? *turns attention back to Anomen* Yes, as I was saying--

Anomen: YOU were in BED with that..... that...... that half-demon raving lunatic?

Ronin: I HAD to get him to a bed because--

Anomen: By Helm, listen to yourself! And you say that *I'm* not decent?!?

Xeynon: I don't know if now is the best time to bring up his panty fetish... You've
got him off on another "By Helm" rant...

Ronin: LOOK, I DRAGGED THE GUY TO A BED SO HE COULD REST AND
HEAL, BECAUSE HE'D BEEN BASHED SENSELESS!!! You got that?

Anomen: A likely story! If he'd been "bashed senseless" as you say, would he
have had the energy to go on that little romp under the covers? Aerie says he
was QUITE audible!

Jaheira: *comes in from upstairs* Ah, the dawning of our day- oh wait, I'm still
supposed to be mad at you...

Xeynon: Ummm, Jaheira... It appears a very large misunderstanding has
occurred over at Ronin Fox's...

Ronin: *in a voice loud enough to be heard by anyone standing in the vicinity of
Xeynon's phone* Look, man... what Aerie heard wasn't what she thought she
heard, okay?

Jaheira: Who's that on the phone? And what exactly was it that Aerie heard?

Xeynon: DOH! *Slams the "off" button on the speaker phone*

Anomen: *equally loudly* REALLY? I'll bet you had a good time making him
squeal!

Ronin: Will you get it through your thick skull that I WASN'T doing what you two
THINK I was doing?!?

Jaheira *screams into the phone*: What in the name of Silvanus' beard is going