"That Don't Impress Me Much"
(by Ronin Fox)
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Ladies and gentlemen... we here at State Army Studios are proud to present the Suikoden 2 girls' rendition of Shania Twain's hit song, ''That Don't Impress Me Much''!

*Music starts. Lights on stage go on and curtain parts to reveal Emilia at the microphone.*

Emilia:

I've met a lot of guys who thought they were pretty smart,
But you've got being geeky down to an art.
You think you're a genius, you drive me up the wall,
You think you're the original know-it-all.

*Chorus sung along with Valeria and Elza, who are standing at the side of the stage*

Ohhhh, oh, you think you're special,
Ohhhh, oh, you think you're somethin' else.

*Marlowe walks onto the stage.*

Emilia: Okay... so you're a scholar.

That don't impress me much. (oh, oh, ohhh...)
So you've got the brains, but haven't got the touch.
Now don't get me wrong, yeah, I think you're all right,
But that won't keep me warm in the middle of the night.

That don't impress me much. (oh, oh, ohhh...)

Marlowe: Awww, nuts! *exits*

*Emilia walks off to the side. Valeria takes her place at center stage.*

Valeria:

I never met a guy who bragged that he was so important,
A simple-minded, air-headed basket case.
Take your Fire Dragon rune and go off like a rocket,
'Cause I won't spend my time on such a total waste.

*Chorus sung with Emilia and Elza.*

Ohhhh, oh, you think you're special,
Ohhhh, oh, you think you're somethin' else.

*Enter Zamza.*

Valeria: Okay... so you're an egomaniac.

That don't impress me much. (oh, oh, ohhh...)
So you think you're great, but haven't got the touch.
Now don't get me wrong, yeah, I think you're all right,
But that won't keep me warm in the middle of the night.

That don't impress me much. (oh, oh, ohhh...)

Zamza: What? What are you talking about? You can't scoff at me! I'm the most important member of the army! I-- *gets bashed over the head and dragged off the stage by Amada*

*Valeria exits to the side. Elza takes her place.*

Elza:

You're one of those guys who likes to talk to his sword...

*Viktor runs across the stage, swinging the Star Dragon Sword.*

Star Dragon Sword: Watch where you're swinging me, you hairy oaf!!!

Elza:

... or scare all the little kiddies of the Winged Horde...

*Sid appears onstage, chasing a screaming Chaco.*

Sid: CHAAAAACO! I'M GONNA EAT YOU!!!
Chaco: WAAAAAAAAH!

*Sid and Chaco exit offstage.*

Elza:

I can't believe you kiss your gun goodnight...

*Enter Clive, hugging Sturm and kissing it adoringly.*

Elza:

Now c'mon baby, tell me... you must be joking, right?

*Chorus sung with Emilia and Valeria.*

Ohhhh, oh, you think you're somethin' special,
Ohhhh, oh, you think you're somethin' else.

Elza: Okay. So you're the Guildmaster.

That don't impress me much. (oh, oh, ohhh...)
So you call the shots, but haven't got the touch.
Now don't get me wrong, yeah, I think you're all right,
But that won't keep me warm in the middle of a long... cold... lonely night...

That don't impress me much. (oh, oh, ohhh...)

Clive: *suddenly realizes that Elza is right in front of him* Elza!!!:
Elza: Whoops... er, um........
Clive: Prepare to die!

*Clive chases Elza off the stage, effectively ending the song number.*

Valeria: *to Emilia* Hmm..... let's cut to the next act...
Emilia: *pulls a list out of her pocket and reads it* That would be Pesmerga, Yuber, Seed and Culgan's performance of "Swan Lake".

*Valeria and Emilia bow and exit the stage.*