A COLLECTION OF JOKES
by Ronin Fox

It was 7:49 PM in the Mishima Zaibatsu Headquarters. Somewhere on the 69th floor, a knocking could be heard on the door to Dr. Bosconovitch's laboratory.

"Who's there?" the doctor murmured, straightening up in his seat.

The door opened. Heihachi stepped into the office.

"Oh pleeease," Bosconovitch muttered to himself. "Who let the
gorilla out of the zoo?"

"Doctor," Heihachi began, striding over to the doctor's cluttered desk. "I am in need of your... assistance." There was a strange uneasiness in his usually cold and commanding voice.

"Certainly, Mr. Mishima," Bosconovitch replied politely.

*you stinky ape...* he thought.

"I... I have been having problems with g-... gas, lately," Heihachi stammered, settling down into a seat and nervously taking some candy from Dr. Bosconovitch's candy dish. His face began to turn beet red. "I keep on... BLEAH!" He immediately spat out the mouthful of candy. "What IS this?!"

"My medication, Mr. Mishima. It's a mixture of Valium, bromhexine,
paracetamol and Prozac. Go on." Inside, the scientist was laughing himself to tears.

Heihachi's stomach lurched. "The truth is, Doctor," he continued, "I... I have been... I have been passing gas rather frequently as of late." His face turned even redder, and the scientist laughed inwardly even harder. "There seems to be no sound or odor, but... it is too unnerving, too shameful, even for me! Never before in my life have I encountered such a bizarre ailment! You MUST help me, Doctor!" His voice rose in almost violent desperation.

Dr. Bosconovitch appeared to be taking notes. Unknown to Heihachi, he was actually doodling. The sketch depicted Heihachi with wavy lines, representing stink, emanating from his buttocks area. In the background were several Syndicate employees, all wearing gas masks, except for one unfortunate fellow who appeared to be dead. Under the sketch was the caption "Mishima Zaibatsu's Latest Chemical Weapon: Ultrastink".

"I believe I can help you, Mr. Mishima," Bosconovitch said after a moment of contemplating. "Here." He produced a small bottle of pills from a cabinet and handed it to Heihachi. "Take one of these pills every day after each meal."

"Thank you, Doctor. Perhaps I shall finally regain my peace of mind." Heihachi took the bottle of pills and exited the office.

The doctor leaned back in his chair, breathing a sigh of relief.

"Whew. At last. He's gone."

He then went back to what he was doing a while ago: watching Baywatch, The Next Generation.

"Look out, Mitch Junior! Here comes the shark! AAAAAAAGHHH! Goodbye, Mitch Junior."

The next day, Heihachi was back in the doctor's office. He was fuming with anger.

"Doctor, I have been taking the pills, and..."

"And?"

"I am still passing gas!" Heihachi shouted. "Only this time the problem has worsened! There is still no sound, but now the, er... expulsions smell TERRIBLE! I will have your head for this, Bosconovitch!"
Dr. Bosconovitch smiled. "Good! You've got your sense of smell back! Now let's work on your hearing!"
**********************************
The Difference Between Men and Women:

Paul Phoenix and Nina Williams are both driving in the countryside one fine day. Both of them are traveling on a steep hill; Paul is heading uphill and Nina is heading downhill.

As they pass each other, Nina suddenly sticks her head out her car window and yells "PIG!!!". Paul, undaunted, turns in his motorcycle seat and replies "UP YOURS!!!" while giving Nina the finger.

Nina then rolls her eyeballs skyward and shrugs her shoulders as Paul's motorcycle violently collides with a pig that is crossing the road.
**********************************

Sometime in Tekken's Future:

Three married couples, Jin and Julia, Paul and Nina, and Hwoarang
and Ling, were applying for membership at an exclusive martial arts
school run by Shaolin monks. The monks had a strict set of values and
principles, and did not give membership to just anybody.
"So you are all married," said the lead monk as the group stood
outside the temple. "And you wish to train in my school? Very well.
You may join the Order of the Rising Falcon on one condition: you must
abstain from ALL sexual relations for three weeks."
"That'll be easy," said Paul, who was definitely the most mature of
the group. "You've got a deal."
"Easy for you," Hwoarang muttered. "You're an impotent old
geezer..."
"What'd you just say?"
"Nothing."

Three weeks later, all three couples were back at the temple.
"So how did you fare?" said the lead monk, addressing Paul and
Nina.
Nina smiled. "Oh, Paul and I have been married for four years. We
were tempted at times, but we managed to pull through." She snuggled up
to Paul lovingly.
"Excellent! Welcome to the Order of the Rising Falcon!" The monk
turned to Jin and Julia. "And you?"
"Jin and I have been married for one year," said Julia, embracing
her husband. "I have to admit it got really tricky quite often, but we
made it."
"Wonderful! Welcome to the Order, my friends!" The monk turned to
Hwoarang and Ling. "And what about you?"
Hwoarang fidgeted uneasily. Ling blushed, turning an odd shade of
pink.
After a moment of silence, Hwoarang spoke.
"Ling and I... just got married a week before all this started. We
were doing fine on the first few days of our abstinence, but one morning
at breakfast, Ling dropped a fork and bent down to pick it up. She was
wearing such a short skirt, and when she bent over, it revealed her cute
little butt... I couldn't stand it any more. I was so overcome with
passion that we both gave in on the spot."
The elderly monk frowned. "You realize, then, that I will not
grant you acceptance into our Order."
"Yeah," said Hwoarang, staring at the ground. "They probably won't
let us back into that coffee shop either."

**********************************

The Medical Appointment

DR. BOSCONOVITCH: I'm sorry, Mr. Mishima. Your condition is terminal.
You don't have very long to live.
HEIHACHI: How long do I have, then?
DR. BOSCONOVITCH: Ten...
HEIHACHI: Ten what? Months? Weeks? Days?
DR. BOSCONOVITCH: ... nine... eight... seven... six...

**********************************

The Newlyweds

JIN: Julia, would you still have married me if my grandfather hadn't
left me a fortune?
JULIA: Dear, I would have married you no matter who left you the money.

**********************************