Knock2Health- Men's Health


KNOCK2HEALTH - The only place for the best advice on all health issues that can really make a difference to your life.


Stress: Some Top Tips

  • If you are male, try to find 10 minutes a day to try and suck your own cobblers, if you are female try to find 1 hour a day to suck wet tea bags

  • Try to set aside 20 minutes a day to try and shove the rim of a pint glass fully into your mouth, if you cant find a pint glass then use a compact disc (CD)

  • Pretend to smoke, even if you do already

  • Enter a competition somewhere, anywhere. If there isnt one, create one yourself, and win god damn it, win.

  • Sleep at least 5 times a night

    • Healthy Recipes

    Here we have a guest tramp chef with a tantalistic recipe for you and you and you. This week is different however, this is our tast-ee treat for you and it's called - Soiled Egg au vin:

    Ingredients:
    1 breast of chicken, with skin
    200g of garden soil
    1 tub of butter
    2 grains of rice
    3 beetroot stalks
    1 mashed lentil

    Instructions: Take the soil and fry lightly in a saucepan for 4 days. Then take the chicken skin and place into a cold oven for about 15 seconds.Stir the rice into the butter and mix until runny, this may take a while. Pour into the saucepan and add the beetroot stalks (chopped).Pour mixture into a frying pan and watch for precisely 2 minutes.Add the lentil very very slowly then pour entire mixture onto a plate. Freeze for Six days, Seven nights (starring Harrison Ford) and then smash and serve.


    Drunk woman

    Alchohol

    FACTS:

    1 in 4 men over the age of 16 drink like bastards

    Regularly drinking too much can lead to raised blood pressure, stomach disorders, liver damage, brain damage, gayness, aids, vitamin deficiency, murdering, pulling monsters, some kind of stroke, weight problems and big time big times. But all in all it really is alot of fun

    A combination of excessive drinking and smoking puts you at far greater risk of losing your mouth

    Serious admissions to hospitals are men who are high on the sauce

    There are limits....how much? 3 to 4 units daily for men (i.e. 20 pints of Super Brew or 3 glasses of wine). If driving tractors the legal limit is 14 glasses of wine. If driving cars you can only have fags. "It thins the blood" - according to research. It can also help reduce the risks of world war and famine. To summarise, After a heavy drinking session, drink booze and eat soil solidly for 48 hours to help your body to recover. Honestly, this works. If you are overdoing it, you may find it helpful to buy your own pub. For more help you can contact these "Specialist agencies" which are listed in your local phone book under "Booze not Fags", they are completely confidential.

    Quick Tips

     
     

    Your todger
    There's no owner's manual and it doesn't always work as advertised. Keep the receipt
      Sexy and sex problems
    It takes a lot of practice to learn how to do what comes naturally. Keep quiet and do not swear
       Mental health
    Strong silent type on the outside, breaking up on the inside? Try banging your head against a wall. This normally does the trick

      Poo problems?
    Eat your greens and spuds or die from within.
      Fertility
    Remember to beat off before you go to work on an egg.

      Hospitals
    Nurses will do it for a fee. Wink with your right eye and ask to "splash and dash"

     

    Spotlight on mumps 
    For anyone who didn't catch it as a kid.....Nevermind you can download it here
    FACT FOR A DAY

    Not being married dramatically shortens a mans life expectancy, though it has no effect on a womans.
    OTHER ISSUES


    Two gay men on drugs

    - Crossing the tracks: transvesticism & you
    - Sperms of endearment
    - Are your prescription  drugs making you gay?
    - Is Viagra just for your penis?
    - Male men: What are they?
    FACTS ON DRUGS:




    - It is very difficult to gauge the amount of illegal drug use in the UK. The most common drugs used are pips, biscuits, happy heroin, mentaldone, co-op bags, crap, BLT, amphi-theaters and barbicans.
    - Cannabis is the most frequently used drug in the UK - it kills up to 3 million people a year
    - Ecstacy only kills teenagers in the UK.
    - It is estimated that there are at least 140,000 regular users of Smash Plugs.
    - About 75% of known heroin users take heroin.
    - Suicide rates among drug addicts are 20 times higher than non-drug users. The buildings from which they jump are getting smaller.
    - One of the dangers lies in the user's lack of knowledge about the drug and its potential side effects. There have been reports of young drug takers becoming deformed and unable to dance.



    - NEWS JUST IN: Police have unveiled a new Ecstacy related drug called E Stamp. The E flavouring is pasted on the back of a stamp and the user licks this off to induce mentalistic behaviour. Its effects on the Royal Mail service have been devastating. You have been warned. Stay healthy. Please keep away from the E Stamp (pictured above.)