Everybody I know who has a dog usually calls him Rover or
Spot. I called mine Sex. Now Sex has been very embarrassing to
me. When I went to the city hall to renew the dog's license. I
told the clerk I’d like a license for Sex.
He said “I would like to have one too!”
Then I said, "She is a dog!!" He said he didnt care
what she looked like.
Then I said, "You don't understand, I had Sex since I was 9
years old."
He replied, “You must have been quite a strong boy."
When I decided to get married. I told the minister that I would
like to have sex at the wedding. He told me to wait until after
the wedding was over.
I said, "But Sex has played a big part in my life, and my
life revolves around Sex.". He said
he didn't want to hear about my personal life and would not marry
us in his church. I told him everybody would like having Sex at
the wedding. The next day, we were married at the justice of
peace. My family was barred from the church from then on.
When my wife and I went on out honeymoon, I took the dog with me.
When we checked into the motel, I told the clerk that I wanted a
room for me and my wife and a special room for Sex. He said every
room in the motel is a place for sex.
I said, "You don't understand, Sex keeps me awake at
night."
The clerk said, "Me too!"
One day I entered Sex in a contest, but before the competition
began, Sex ran away. Another contestant asked me why I was just
looking around. I told him that I was going to have Sex in the
contest. He said that I should have sold my own tickets.
"You don't understand!!" I said. "I hoped to have
Sex on TV!!" He called me a show-off.
When my wife and I seperated. We went to court to fight for
custody of the dog.
I said, "Your honor, I had Sex before I was married, but sex
left me after I was married."
The judge said. "Me too!!"
Last night Sex ran off again. I spent hours looking all over for
her. A cop came over and asked me what I was doing in the alley
at 4 o'clock in the morning.
I said, "I'm looking for Sex." My case comes up next
thursday.
Well, now I have been thrown in jail, been divorced, and had more
damn troubles with that dog than I ever foresaw. Why, just the
other day when I went for my first session with my psychiatrist,
She asked me, "What seems to be the trouble?"
I replied. "Sex has been my best friend all of my life. But
now it has left me forever. I couldn't
live any longer. So lonely."
And the doctor said, "Look mister, you should understand sex
isn't a man's best friend. So get
yourself a dog."