I
've started my own religion. I'm the God.I need followers, 47 of them to be exact. I've been mailing out applications for those interested in joining. Here's the online version of what is required:
All must have welding experience and should be able to communicate with a member of the animal kingdom, preferably dolphins or armadillos. Poets and tea cups need not apply, you are the enemy. Applicants should be willing to relocate when necessary (i.e. when the FBI or DEA comes poking around our compounds). Former child actors will be accepted and will even have their $300 application fee wavered (I know how times are tough for you guys). Must be able to learn how airport security systems are structured, use of that knowledge will come useful later for when we are signaled. No ritual suicide in Nikes and black jogging suits will be required, but is an optional thing only if you were once a dinosaur or Winston Churchill in a former life.
That's the basics of it all. This is an equal opportunity religion, although, we have the right to burn you at the stake whenever we feel it is the necessary thing to do. Remember, every other Saturday is "Float Day", if you can't stay above water, we castrate and gas you.
*OK, I've been getting a lot of flack for not letting Poets or tea cups into the religion, for I've stated that this is an equal opportunity religion. The jury is still out on whether or not to let the tea cups join, but Poets are our enemy and nothing more than that, so there you have it.
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