Once upon a time, there lived a man who had a terrible passion

for baked beans. He loved them, but they always had an embarrassing

and somewhat lively reaction on him. One day he met a girl and fell in

love. When it became apparent that they would marry, he thought to

himself, she'll never go through with the marriage with me carrying on

like this, so he made the supreme sacrifice and gave up beans.

Shortly after that they were married. A few months later, on the way

home from work, his car broke down and since They lived in the

country, he called his wife and told her that he would be Late because

he had to walk. On his way home, he passed a small cafe and the

wonderful aroma of baked beans overwhelmed him. Since he still had

several miles to walk he figured he could walk off any ill affects before

he got home. So he went in and ordered, and before leaving had 3

extra large helpings of baked beans. All the way home he putt-putted.

By the time he arrived home he felt reasonably safe.

His wife met him at the door and seemed somewhat excited. She

exclaimed, "Darling, I have the most wonderful surprise for you for

dinner tonight!" She put a blindfold on him, and led him to his chair

at the head of the table and made him promise not to peak. At this

point he was beginning to feel another one coming on. Just as his wife

was about to remove the blindfold, the telephone rang. She again made

him promise not to peek until she returned, and away she went to

answer the phone. While she was gone, he seized the opportunity.

He shifted his weight to one leg and let go. It was not only loud, but ripe

as a rotten egg. He had a hard time breathing, so he felt for his napkin

and fanned the air about him. He had just started to feel better, when

another urge came on. He raised his leg and RRIIIPPPP !!! It sounded

like a diesel engine revving, and smelled worse. To keep from gagging,

he tried fanning his arms a while, hoping the smell would dissipate. He

got another urge. This was a real blue ribbon winner, the windows shook,

the dishes on the table rattled and a minute later the flowers on the

table were dead.

While keeping an ear tuned in on the conversation in the hallway, and

keeping his promise of staying blindfolded, he carried on like this for the

next ten minutes, farting and fanning each time with his napkin.. When

he heard the phone farewells he neatly laid his napkin on his lap and folded

his hands on top of it. Smiling contentedly, he was the picture of innocence

when his wife walked in. Apologizing for taking so long, she asked if he

had peeked at the dinner table. After assuring her he had not peeked, she

removed the blindfold and yelled, "SURPRISE!!!"

To his shock and horror, there were twelve dinner guests seated around

the table for his surprise birthday party.