ALI G TALKS TO SIR ALEX FERGUSON:

Ali: A' ight. Wicked. I is ere with none other than me main man, Sir Alex Ferguson who is dee manager of dee ManUre. Reespec' So Sir Alex, do you shovell sh!t all day ?

Sir Alex: No I manage a football team.

Ali: And dey is ManUre, no? Is dat not what comes out of dee horses arse? Me hear dat in da countryside dey put ManUre on der cornflakes.  Have you heard dat?

Sir Alex: No I haven't.

Ali: So why do dey call you Sir.

Sir Alex: Because I was given a knighthood by the queen.

Ali: For real? You and dee Queen 'ad a nighthood? Reespec'. She was a fox in dem old days. But she is a bit minging now, no?

Sir Alex: I found her very charming.

Ali: A' ight, whatever. Good personality 'n'all that. But, Sir Alex, if ya don't mind me sayin', ya is a bit minging yourself. I s'pose you was well 'appy to get your end away.

Sir Alex: Well I was certainly very pleased about my knighthood.

Ali: Me mate Dave says you look like some dead copper from Glasgow.
He a bit mingin' too. Not Dave..dee copper. Are you old bill?

Sir Alex: No, I've already told you, I manage a football team.

Ali: OK 'den so'ow good is dee Manchester United?

Sir Alex: Well we are champions of Europe.

Ali: Yeah, but what about America. Dey is best no? Cos dey is der best at everyfin'.

Sir Alex: I presume you mean the USA. Well, they have improved greatly but I would still say we are some way in front of them.

Ali: So would you win dee world cup 'den?

Sir Alex: Well of course not. To compete in that we would have to be a nation, a country.

Ali: So why don't you 'ave a war and get dee independance. Den you could play. Me hear dat Manchester is a bit sh!tty anyway, and dat it is always pissin' down. I bet dee queen will let you have it for noffin', 'specially since you is banging 'er.

Sir Alex: I'm not interested in politics. I prefer to stick to football.

Ali: Whatever. So, who is David Beckingham?

Sir Alex: David Beckham is a very talented young man.

Ali: I 'ear he is married to one of dem spicey girls. They are foxes, no? Is he married to da ginga wiv dee big tits?

Sir Alex: No he is married to Victoria. You may know her as Posh Spice.

Ali: Me 'ear she takes it up da batty?

Sir Alex: Well I think that's between David and Victoria.

Ali: Ai', for real. Me try to take me Julie up da batty but she say "No" and called me a dirty bastard. Me 'ear dat David and Posh have a kid, and dat 'dey called it Bronski Beat or some'fin.

Sir Alex: He is called Brooklyn, after where he was conceived. 

Ali: Ai' me heard dat. It would 'ave been funny if 'dey had called 'im "Up da batty", no? 'cos den we would know dat dey is up toall dat stuff.

Sir Alex: I don't think that is very tasteful.

Ali: No it aint, dats what me Julie says. So, how old is Old Trafford?

Sir Alex: It is over a hundred years old, but is one of the most modern stadiums in the world.

Ali: Did they 'ave dinosaurs when dey built it. And giant bats?

Sir Alex: No I don't think so. Its very modern.

Ali: Does it smell of wee?

Sir Alex: No.

Ali: Me seen dat you and your team is always fighting and bein' dead angry and stuff on da pitch. Is you well 'ard? Sir Alex: Well we play tough, but I would say we play fair.

Ali: Do you wanna go?

Sir Alex: I'm sorry?

Ali: Do you wanna go? Cos I've got me posse waiting round the back wiv bats and dat so if you reckon you is 'ard, will you take us on?

Sir Alex: We're passionate but we don't like to fight for the sake of it.

Ali: Me 'as 'eard dat you 'as got a ninja turtle in your posse.

Sir Alex: A ninja turtle?

Ali: Ai', Kung foo and dat.

Sir Alex: I presume you mean Eric Cantona. He is no longerat the club.

Ali: What? Is 'e in da nick. Me 'eard he went down for being French or somefin.

Sir Alex: Eric did community service for attacking a fan. But he was provoked.

Ali: 'Ow was 'e provoked? Did someone call his mama a bitch. I 'eard dat some one from the south west massive called my mama a slag and I'm gonna do da ninja 'ting on 'im. 'cos the police, dey don't do noffin'.

Sir Alex: In court the victim claimed that he told Eric that it would be an early bath for him. But I'm sure it was a lot ruder than that.

Ali: Ai' when me a kid me 'ated havin' dee early baff,'specially if der was somfin' good on telly. Is it true that he knobbed Leslie Ash?

Sir Alex: I wouldn't like to comment on that.

Ali: She a real fox, int she?

Sir Alex: I suppose so.

Ali: Would you like to knob 'er?

Sir Alex: I'm a married man, I wouldn't feel the need.

Ali: Ai' for real. You is knobbing the Queen anyway. Reespec.  So for all you kids out der if you ming but you still want to knob the Queen, you should pay attention to this geezer..Sir Alex Ferguson. 'E may look like dee bulldogs arse but 'e is well in der.  Big Up Sir Alex.