Beadle debacle leaves Brit TV in decline!
" Thankyou : We start this week with a look at the crumbling state of Great Britain. This universe is much the same to ours, with a few minor differences, these are the differences we love on WPUN."
"During the late 1980s Jeremy Beadle presented an all new type of Television Show. A television show where YOU the viewer are the main focal point. Viewers would send in tapes of themselves in strange and funny situations. For example falling off a ladder or straining an elbow while jumping over signs. The ITV television station quickly became the largest television station with Jeremy Beadle's "You've Been Framed" taking the large slice of the viewing figures - Over 95% of the British public watched the show and the repeats were just as popular. Jeremy Beadle also coined the phrase:
"And remember, next time, the star of the show could be YOU".
As the BBC saw it's figures drop, it too released it's own version called "Look on the Funny side" presented by Noel Edmonds and the ever goofy Ms. Boobies. This show instantly became a hit with blunder-hungry TV audiences vying for mistakes and mishaps.
The conflict which was about to engulf Great Britain soon began. The ITV and BBC were quickly at loggerheads with each other about which company would get certain funny video clips. A bidding war soon began. Certain clips were retailing for around 50,000 pounds each, and viewers quickly started fabricating accidents. In one incident a man lost his arm in a boating accident. While in another a woman was left blinded in a tragic fireworks explosion. The two warring stations started to employ scientists to check the validity of the clips while the government of Britain emposed the death penalty on anyone who was caught in the act of fabricating a funny video clip.
The country then splitted up into two factions. The loyal ITV factions in the north and the BBC alliance in the south. The ITV struck the first blow with Jeremy Beadle showing anti-southern video clips including the famous "Fat Cockney Bastard" sketch and his new catchphrase that rivaled his old one: "Southerners are bastards!". Jeremy Beadle was quickly crowned "King of The Northern clips" in Manchester cathedral on a wet Wednesday morning.
Meanwhile the British government became increasingly annoyed with ITV's clips. It became obvious that the people in the "cockney clips" as they were later known were actors just pretending to fall into bins and trip over chairs. Four of these actors were arrested by the Government but soon escaped a maximum security prison and are currently still on the run. This lead to an alliance between the Government and the BBC. (Sky and their "Chris Tarrant's barrel of laughs" stayed neutral throughout.)
The BBC were ever confident of victory now they had the government and the army on their side. But the BBC weren't expecting the actions of Jeremy Beadle. He formed an alliance with the American clips show : "It's Garry Shandling's video clips show!". The BBC quickly formed a strategic pact with the French show "Faux Pas. It continues to become one of the bloodiest battles in this universes history, and there seems to be only one hope in uniting the parties: Another comedy show, a comedy show to beat all comedy shows. In a top secret project the BBC have invented a new TV program that they hope will unite all parties in a fit of laughter, this supposed program: Chalk. This was Arthur the Donkey - Weekly parallel Universe News 5575-BETA."
"And thankyou Arthur. Well there will be more intriguing reports next week. Thankyou for watching and goodnight."