Q Dear dumbass,

            I have this problem. Whenever my girlfriend and I have sex I make her put on a strap on so I can suck it. Then I make her do me in my butt. When I do stuff to her it is only up her butt. Last week I meet this guy and I got the REAL thing and I loved it. Does this make me a fudgepacker.

A Dear sick pervert,

            Yes, yes it does. But don’t worry it is probably not your fault when u were little your dad might of made you suck his hard cock till he blew his load in your mouth. Then he made you do the family cat.

Q Dear dumbass,

            Sometimes I like to go in the mall and masturbate. Then I find and old lady and make her lick my cum. whenever they say no I sometimes kill them and do their dead bodies. Is that wrong.

A Dear Sir Jacks a lot,

            Hell no that’s not wrong. If it wasn’t for old ladies and malls most guys would have to actually go out and try to get chicks. Now that’s wrong you have to buy them dinner and pay for gas and a movie then they don’t put out. Later you find out they slept with your father and your mother at the same time so you go out to the water tower and shot up the school yard. Then you go to jail, meet bubba, become his bitch and your life is over.  

Q.  Dear dumbass,

            I have been doing heroin a lot lately.  I have run out of places. I even stuck it in my ass. Do u think it would be wise to stick the needle in my dick.

A.  Dear junkie,

Yes it is and I asked a doctor about your question and he gave me some safety tips:

1 do not stick the needle all the way through.

2 do not masturbate while inserting needle

3 try not to pass out with needle still stuck in penis

4 do not have any sexual activity(but since you’re a junkie u probably couldn’t get a piece any rump from your local meat store) during injection

5 if u start to urinate blood show your mommy and have her kiss it and make it all better.

Lastly if shrinkage starts to occur do not go to gym cause the men will point and laugh more than they already do u piece of shit.

Q.  Dear dumbass,

            I have severe burns on my penis from sticking it in a warm apple pie what should I do.

A.  Dear I will never score

            First of all what the fuck!? It was a movie and he got caught. But what u should do is stick it in cold ice cream. But I warn u it may cause blue balls

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