ok ok , now for a joke......WHAT IS A SOUTHERN LADIES MATING CALL?

when she says OOOOOOOOWEEEEEEE I HAD TO MUCH TO DRINK!

ok how about ........... WHAT DO YOU GET WHEN YOU PUT 3 OR MORE BLONDE IN A FREEZER?

FROSTED FLAKES! (goes into his own little laughing fit) HAAA HAA AHAA HEEE HEEE HEE THATS ONE KILLER JOKE HAAA HAAA HAAA!

OK then how about this one?

A MAN WALKS INTO A BAR AND HE NOTICES A SIGN ON THE WALL THAT SAYS HAM SANDWICHES $2 , HANDJOBS $10
HE WALKS UP TO THE GIRL BEHIND THE BAR AND SAY "ARE YOU THE ONE THAT GIVES THE HANDJOBS?"
"YES I IS" SHE SAYS AND SMILES
"THEN WASH THEM HANDS AND MAKE ME A HAM SANDWICH!"
  *Two young lovers go up to the mountains for a romantic winter vacation. When they get there the guy goes out to chop some wood. When he gets back, he says, "Honey, my hands are freezing!" She says, "Well put them between my thighs and that will warm them up."
After lunch he goes back out to chop some more wood and comes back and says again, "Man! My hands are really freezing!"
She says again, "Well. put them between my thighs and warm them up again."
He does, and again that warms him up. After dinner, he goes out one more time to chop wood to get them through the night. When he returns to the cabin, he states once again, "Honey, my hands are really, really freezing."
She looks at him and says, "for crying out loud, don't your ears ever get cold?"
*It seems that when God was making the world, He called Man over & bestowed upon him 20 years of normal sex life. Man was horrified! "Only 20 years of normal sex life?" but the Lord was adamant- that was all man could have.
Then the Lord called the monkey & gave him 20 years. "But I don't need 20 years," he protested, "ten is plenty for me". Man spoke up eagerly ; " can I have the other ten?" the monkey graciously agreed.
Then the Lord called the lion & gave him 20 years; & the lion , like the monkey, wanted only ten. Again Man spoke up, "Can I have the other ten?"; the lion said of course he could.
Then came the donkey & he was given 20 years- but like , like the others, ten was sufficient. And again Man pleaded; " Can I have the other ten?"
Which explains why man has 20 years of normal sex life- Ten years of monkeying around - Ten years of lion about it - AND Ten years of making an ass of himself. *"The Memory Test"
Three elderly men are at the doctor for a memory test. The doctor says to the first man, "What is three times three?"
"274" was his reply.
The doctor says to the second man, "It's your turn. What is three times three?"
"Tuesday", replies the second man.
The doctor shakes his head and says to the third man, "Okay, it's your turn. What's three times three"?
"Nine", says the third man.
"That's great!" says the doctor.
"How did you get that"?
"Simple," says the third man. "I subtracted 274 from Tuesday." *A Young couple, just married, were in their honeymoon suite on their wedding night. As they undressed for bed, the husband, who was a big burly man, tossed his pants to his bride and said," here put these on."
She put them on and the waist was twice the size of her body. "I can't wear your pants, she said." "That's Right!!" , said the husband, "and don't you forget it." "I'm the man who wears the pants in this family!"
With that she flipped him her panties and said,"try these on." He tried them on and found he could only get them on as far as his kneecap. He said, "hell, I can't get into your panties!" She said, "that's right, and that's the way it's going to be until your damn attitude changes!" *One day, a 4th grader came home from school and asks his father. "Dad, everyone in class can count to 100, but I can only count to 10. How come?"
His father says, "Well son, that's because you're from West Virginia."
The next day, the 4th grader came home from school and says. "Dad, today everyone in class recited the entire alphabet. I only know up to the letter 'L.' How come?"
Again, his father replies, "Well, that's because you're from West Virginia."
Then one day, the 4th grader came home and was all excited, wearing a smile from ear to ear. He says, "Dad! Dad! Today, we were in gym class, and all the boys had little penises, but mine was huge! Is that 'cause I'm from West Virginia??"
His father replies, "No son, that's because you're 28 years old." *A blonde decided that she was tired of her empty life. She cut her hair and dyed it brown, and set off for a drive. She wanted to do random acts of kindness to see if it would change her life.
While driving through the countryside, she came across a farmer who was trying to get his sheep across the road. She stopped her car and waved the farmer across, thinking this would be her first good deed.
After the sheep had all crossed, the blonde said to the farmer, "Your sheep are so cute. If I guess how many there are, could I have one?"
The farmer thought it would be impossible and told the blonde, "Yes."
"637," said the blonde.
The farmer was amazed that the blonde had guessed the exact number, so he lived up to his bargain.
"I'll take that feisty one over there," said the blonde.
Then the farmer said to the blonde, "Okay, now if I guess the real color of your hair, can I have my dog back???" ---did you hear about the break in in the vigra factory???
the police are looking for four hardened criminals.
--- why can't barbie get pregnant????
because ken comes in a differebt box!!
--- why was the blond staring at the o.j. container?
it said concentrate..
(thanks to andrea stewart for these great jokes :) ) A guy walks into a bar and says to the bartender, "Ugh, I locked myself in the bathroom last night and I was blowing chunks!"
The bartender says, "I'm not surprised. You come in here and have like 50 shots a night."
And the man replied, "No, no, no. You don't understand. You see, chunks is my dog!"
thanks to lisa vinci for that great joke :)

A salesman in a strange city was feeling horny and wanted a release. He inquired for the address of a good house of ill repute. He was told to go to 365 E West Street. By mistake, he went to 365 W East Street, the office of a podiatrist.

Being met by a beautiful woman in a white uniform surprised but intrigued him. She directed him to an examining room and told him to uncover and someone would be with him soon.

He loved the thought of the table and the reclining chair and was really getting aroused because of the strange and different approach this house offered. Finally the doctor's assistant, a really gorgeous redhead entered and found him sitting in the chair with his generous member in his hand.

"Oh, my goodness", she exclaimed, " I was expecting to see a foot!"

"Well," said our hero rather indignantly, "If you're going to complain about an inch, then I'll take my business elsewhere!"

know any really good jokes? then mail them to me

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* thanks to tassie for all these jokes :)