Women Speak In Estrogen & Men Listen In Testosterone
Nicknames
If Gloria, Suzanne, Debra and Michelle go out for lunch, they will call
each other Gloria, Suzanne, Debra and Michelle.
But if Bob, Tom, Ryan and Dave go out for a brewsky, they will
affectionately refer to each other as Bonehead, Dogman, Cucciolo (thats
"puppy" in Italian) and Pooman.
Eating Out
When the check comes, Mike, Phil, Rob and Jack will each throw in $20
bills, even though it's only for $22.50. None of them will have anything
smaller, and none will actually admit they want change back.
When the girls get their check, out come the pocket calculators.
Bathrooms
A man has five items in his bathroom: a toothbrush, shaving cream, razor,
a bar of Dial soap, and a towel from the Holiday Inn.
The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 437. A
man would not be able to identify most of these items.
Handwriting
To their credit, men do not decorate their penmanship. They just
chicken-scratch.
Women use scented, colored stationary and they dot their "i's" with
circles and hearts. Women use ridiculously large loops in their "p's" and
"g's". It is a royal pain to read a note from a woman. Even when she's
dumping you, she'll put a smiley face at the end of the note.
Groceries
A woman makes a list of things she needs and then goes out to the store
and buys them.
A man waits till the only items left in his fridge are half a lime and a
beer, then he goes grocery shopping. He buys everything that looks good. By
the time a man reaches the checkout counter, his cart is packed tighter than
the car on Beverly Hillbillies. Of course, this will not stop him from going
to the 10-items-or-less lane.
Shoes
When preparing for work, a woman will put on a Mondi wool suit, then slip
on Reebok sneakers. She will carry her dress shoes in a plastic bag from
Saks. When she gets to work, she will put on her dress shoes. Five minutes
later, she will kick them off because her feet are under the desk.
A man will wear the same pair of shoes all day.
Cats
Women love cats.
Men say they love cats.
When women aren't looking, men
kick cats.
Offspring
Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children. She knows
about dentist appointments and soccer games and romances and best friends and
favorite foods and secret fears and hopes and dreams.
A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.
DressingUp
A woman will dress up to: go shopping, water the plants, empty the
garbage, answer the phone, read a book, get the mail.
A man will dress up for: weddings and funerals.
Laundry
Women do laundry every couple of days.
A man will wear every article of
clothing he owns, including his surgical pants that were hip about eight years
ago, before he will do his laundry.
When he is finally out of clothes, he
will wear a dirty sweatshirt inside out, rent a U-Haul and take his mountain
of clothes to the laundromat.
Men always expect to meet beautiful women at
the laundromat.
This is a myth perpetuated by reruns of old episodes of
"Love, American Style."
Weddings
When reminiscing about weddings, women talk about "the ceremony."
Men talk about "the bachelor party."
Two friends were talking on the phone, one blond and one brunette. The
blond
said,
"What are you going to do this summer?"
The brunette replied, "Well, I'm going to Bangledesh."
The blond asked, "Who's Ledesh?" : )
ORGASM
A gal enrolled in nursing school is attending an anatomy class. The
subject of the day is involuntary muscles. The instructor, hoping to perk up
the students a bit, asks her if she knows what her asshole does when
she has an orgasm.
"Sure." she says, "He's at home taking care of the kids."
thanks to nurse suzzie again :)
