LIGHTBULB JOKES
Q: How many politicians does it take to change a lightbulb
A: Two. One to change it, and another one to change it back again.
A: Four, one to change it and the other three to deny it.
Q: How many economists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None. If the light bulb really needed changing, market forces would have already caused it to happen.
A: Two. One to assume the ladder and one to change the bulb.
A: Two. One to assume the latter (a pun) and change the bulb. A: None. If the government would just leave it alone, it would screw itself in.
Q: How many Liberal Democrats does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: None. "Well it's not really a question of should we change it or should we not change the lightbulb, but more a question of...(blah blah waffle)"
Q: How many liberals does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: One liberal and twenty eight delegates representing all the social, economic, and ethnic communities.
A: Two-one to do it and the other to keep the first one's knee from jerking
A: None: They can't remove the old ones since they are already part of the environment.
Q: How many Labour Party members does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: None. They haven't got a policy on that.
Q: How many libertarians does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None, if he wants to sit in the dark, it's his business.
A: None, because somebody might come into the room who likes to sit in the dark.
Q: How many Perot supporters does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None, they all just quit and go home!
Q: How many Presidential family members does it take to screw in a light bulb in the White House?
A: Two, Hillary for her office, Bill for the rest of the White House.
Q: How many Bill Clintons does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Two -- One to promise he'll do it better than anyone else and one to obscure the issues.
A: None -- He'll only promise "change."
A: He doesn't. He whines a while, says "I feel your pain", and gets congress to pass a billion dollar light security bill, and blames republicans and special interests for not making lightbulbs free.
Q: How many US Presidents does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None, the constitution says that only Congress can screw in light bulbs, so only Congress is responsible for the dark, which is why we need a Constitutional ammendment.
A: Only one. If he can handle 250000000 people a day I think he can handle screwing one extra lightbulb.
Q: How many presidential candidates does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: Less and less all the time.
Q: How many believable, competent, "just right for the job" presidential candidates does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: It's going to be a dark 4 years, isn't it?
Q: How many presidential campaign staff does it need to change a light bulb?
A: 220! One to write a speech about how good it will be when the bulb is actually changed, one to write a speech about why the other candidates can't even spell "lightbulbe", eighteen to find out what the other candidates did when the lightbulb failed, a nd another two hundred to find out what the other candidate's families think about lightbulbs, bulbs, pear-shaped objects, light in general, any form of energy.
Q: How many Democratic presidential candidates from 1988 did it take to screw in a lightbulb ?
A: (Mike Dukakis) In Massachusetts, my enlightened government has made it unnecessary for people to screw in their own light bulbs, as we have put thousands of former welfare recipients to work for the Dept. of Light Bulb Installation. These employees w ill come to your home or business and install any incandescent bulb, on only a few months notice.
A: (Bruce Babbitt) It's foolish to talk about screwing in light bulbs when we haven't even taken the first step, and that is to remove the old bulb. I challe nge my fellow candidates to stand up with me and help me remove this old light bulb [stands, but nobody else does] Hah! What wimps. You guys make Bush look like Rambo.
A: (Richard Gephart) It doesn't matter whether the bulb is changed or not; it only matte rs that the new bulb was made in the US of A. Taiwan and South Korea have put up massive barriers to importing US light bulbs; we'll see how they like it when their bulbs cost $10,000 to screw in here.
A: (Gary Hart) This oblique reference to screwing is an obvious attempt to drag my personal life into this campaign. Frankly, I resent it, and the American people resent it.
A: (Al Gore) As usual, the other left-wing wacko candidates are putting forth solutions that moderate Southerners won't cotton to on Super Tuesday. At least I hope not.
A: (Paul Simon) My media experts tell me I'm foolish for wearing my hair the same way I did in the 50's. But that's what Paul Simon's all about. And I suppose my media experts are gonna say I'm foolish for this, but in a ll candor, I change my light bulbs the same way I did in the 50's: my wife gets on a ladder and I turn it.
A: (Jesse Jackson) Changing the light bulb is a partial solution at best. I'm more of a Lone Ranger than a light bulb changer. But even the Lone Ran ger had Tonto and Silver, and the shameful fact is that the American Indians of today don't have enough silver, or gold, or even paper money to allow them to buy into the American Dream or some extra light bulbs. We must ensure that all Americans can ligh t their homes, from the lighthouse to the White House.
Q: How many Republicans does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Two-one to do it and one to steady the chandelier.
A: None, they only screw the poor
Q: How many Republican Presidential candidates from 1988 did it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: (Dole) When I was a poor boy growing up in Kansas we didn't have light bulbs. Now I have the housekeeper do it.
A: (DuPont) Light bulbs need to be changed? Gosh. I guess the servants have always taken care of that... With a DuPont administration, the power of the free market will be unleashed to produce light bulbs that never need changing.
A: (Robertson) Oh, Lord, with thy divine illumination, heal this light bulb!
A: (Kemp) It's morning in America! Why should we worry about light bulbs? Let those doom-crying Democrats worry about light bulbs! [stumble over chair in the dark].
A: (Haig) One. Snap to it, soldier!
A: (Bush) None. (Bush in an earnest lap dog voice) I resent that question. I've answered it before, and I think the media are keeping this thing alive. I think the American people are TIRED of light bulb jokes.
Q: How many Federal employees does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Sorry, that item has been cut from the budget!
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