From the Desk of the Late Larry Tate (David White)

Larry Tate/David White

From the Desk of the Late Larry Tate

In an attempt to boost readership through sheer starpowered schmaltz, Captioneer News is proud to present From the Desk of the Late* Larry Tate, enjoy!

*Some of you may be wondering if David White is dead, well he is, hence the 'Late'. A contract is a contract, though.

I don't know what it is about her, but that Janet Reno is some kinda lady!

When I think of Quality Entertainment, one thing comes immediately to mind, Bazooka Joe Comics.

For my money, there is no better movie star then Wayne Newton.

I only like reading Dave Berry when I'm on the toilet.

Whoever said Television is a wasteland obviously never watched an episode of Herman's Head.

My Good Friend Sandy Kaufax once told me the only thing you really need to know about Baseball is where the nearest peanut vender is at all times.

People who say chivalry is dead, need only look at the great relationship of Tommy and Pamela Lee.

I've got one hand in my pocket, one hand on the typewriter, and another in the freezer.

Relationships are like friends; only the ugly people don't have any.

If I could only listen to one CD for the rest of my life, it had better be a CD by Yoko Ono.

Someone once said, 'don't trust anyone over 30', personally I don't trust anyone under 5 foot 6 inches.

Whenever I think of penicillin, I can't help but laugh.

There's nothing wrong with the Jerry Springer show, that Bob Villa couldn't fix.

The secret of growing old gracefully is to plan appropriate crying time during your morning shower.

No one would put up with Willard Scott's necrophelia, if he wasn't such a great weather caster.

I would die a happy man if I could eat my body weight in Fig Newtons.

Talent is like money; only undeserving people have any.

If I could go back in time, I'd tell myself to go easy on the hash browns during this mornings breakfast.

You've got to know when to hold them, know when to fold them, know when to walk away, and know when they deliver the new Victoria's Secret catalogue so you can have it all to yourself.

The one thing every marriage needs in an expiration date.

One word comes to mind that best sums up Mohammed Ali; Beholden.

If it doesn't get all over the place, it doesn't belong in the Oval Office.

There isn't one day that goes by, that I'm not happy we all had a Princess Di to look up to, What did Mother Terresa ever do that was so great?

The longer I listen to my Celine Dion records backwards, the more I enjoy Billy Idol.

Whenever I hear the word 'Class' I immediately think of Jimmy the Greek.

And My Final Thought

I like looking at my ass in the mirror, the rear-view one.

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