Excerpts from actual letters sent to landlords ...
1. The toilet is blocked and we cannot bathe the children until it is
cleared.
2. I want some repairs done to my stove as it has backfires and burnt
my knob off.
3. This is to let you know that there is a smell coming from the man
next door.
4. The toilet seat is cracked: where do I stand?
5. I am writing on behalf of my sink, which is running away from the
wall.
6. I request your permission to remove my drawers in the kitchen.
7. Our lavatory seat is broken in half and is now in three pieces.
8. The person next door has a large erection in his back garden, which
is unsightly and dangerous.
9. Will you please send someone to mend our cracked sidewalk?
Yesterday my wife tripped on it and is now pregnant.
10. Our kitchen floor is very damp, we have two children and would
like a third, so will you please send someone to do something about
it.
11. Will you please send a man to look at my water? It is a funny
color and not fit to drink.
12. Would you please send a man to repair my downspout? I am an
old-age pensioner and need it straight away.
13. Could you please send someone to fix our bath tap? My wife got her
toe stuck in it and it is very uncomfortable for us.
14. I want to complain about the farmer across the road. Every morning
at 5:30 his cock wakes me up, and it is getting too much.
15. When the workmen were here, they put their tools in my wife's new
drawers and made a mess. Please send men with clean tools to finish
the job and keep my wife happy.