The following is a collection of actual calls made to tech support by
users. Sometimes you've got to wonder if some people actually
understand the concept of computers, the Internet or even fax machines.
Tech support personnel should really be applauded for their patience
and understanding, or we could be seeing a new trend of tech support
people going -- should we say -- postal?? :)
A woman called the Canon help desk with a problem with her printer.
The tech asked her if she was "running it under Windows."
The woman then responded, "No, my desk is next to the door, but that
is a good point. The man sitting in the cubicle next to me is under a
window, and his is working fine."
Tech Support: "How much free space do you have on your hard drive?"
Customer: "Well, my wife likes to get up there on that Internet, and
she downloaded ten hours of free space. Is that enough?"
Tech Support: "Ok Bob, let's press the control and escape keys at the
same time. That brings up a task list in the middle of the screen. Now
type the letter 'P' to bring up the Program Manager."
Customer: "I don't have a 'P'."
Tech Support: "On your keyboard, Bob."
Customer: "What do you mean?"
Tech Support: "'P' on your keyboard, Bob."
Customer: "I'm not going to do that!"
Overheard in a computer shop:
Customer: "I'd like a mouse mat, please."
Salesperson: "Certainly sir, we've got a large variety."
Customer: "But will they be compatible with my computer?"
I once received a fax with a note on the bottom to fax the document
back to the sender when I was finished with it, because he needed to
keep it.
Customer: "Can you copy the Internet for me on this diskette?"
I work for a local ISP. Frequently we receive phone calls that go
something like this:
Customer: "Hi. Is this the Internet?"
Some people pay for their online services with checks made payable to
"The Internet."
Customer: "So that'll get me connected to the Internet, right?"
Tech Support: "Yeah."
Customer: "And that's the latest version of the Internet, right?"
Tech Support: "Uhh...uh...uh...yeah."
Tech Support: "All right ... now double-click on the File Manager
icon."
Customer: "That's why I hate this Windows ... because of the icons ...
I'm a Protestant, and I don't believe in icons."
Tech Support: "Well, that's just an industry term sir. I don't believe
it was meant to ..."
Customer: "I don't care about any 'Industry Terms'. I don't believe in
icons."
Tech Support: "Well ... why don't you click on the 'little picture' of a
file cabinet ... is 'little picture' ok?"
Customer: [click]
Customer: "My computer crashed!"
Tech Support: "It crashed?"
Customer: "Yeah, it won't let me play my game."
Tech Support: "All right, hit Control-Alt-Delete to reboot."
Customer: "No, it didn't crash ... it crashed."
Tech Support: "Huh?"
Customer: "I crashed my game. That's what I said before. Now it
doesn't work."
Turns out, the user was playing Lunar Lander and crashed his
spaceship.
Tech Support: "Click on 'File,' then 'New Game.'"
Customer: [pause] "Wow! How'd you learn how to do that?"
- Gwendy Ott ([email protected])