Here is a great selection of Blonde Jokes!
Why can a blonde never take a coffee break?
They are too hard to retrain!
What do you do if a blonde tries to run you over?
Help her to start the engine!
What do you call a blonde with half a brain?
Gifted!
Why did the blonde jump the chain link fence?
To see what was on the other side!
Why can a blonde not be a cattle herder?
She can not keep even two calves together!
What do you call someone with one braincell?
Blonde
What do you call a blonde with two braincells?
Pregnant!
What hits a blonde without them noticing?
A thought!
Why did the blonde stare at the orange juice?
It said concentrate!
What is the difference between a blonde and a mosquito?
When you slap a mosquito it stops sucking!
Why did the blonde climb onto the pub roof?
She heard that the drinks were on the house!
What do a smart blonde and a U.F.O. have in common?
Seeing is believing!
How do you keep a blonde occupied?
Write please turn over on both sides of a piece of paper!
What is the difference between a Blonde and a Government bond?
Bonds mature, blondes don't!
A blonde and a brunette jump off a building. Who lands first?
The brunette. The blonde had to ask for dirctions!
Why was the blonde's brain pea-sized in the morning?
It swelled!
What do you call five blondes on the sea bed?
An air pocket!
What do you call a blonde in between two brunettes?
A mental block!
What do you call a brunette between two blondes?
An Interpreter!
Why did the blonde get an abortian?
She was afraid it was not her baby!
Why do blondes wear ponytails?
To cover the air valve!
Why can't blondes make ice-cubes?
They are always forgetting the recipe!
How does a blonde kill a fish?
She drowns it!
How many blondes does it take to change a lightbulb?
A hundred. One will change it whilst the rest take the roof off!
How many blondes would it take to screw in a lightbulb?
One. A blonde can screw anything!
How many blondes does it take to change a lightbulb?
100. One to put it in and 99 to turn the house!
What is the difference between a blonde and a brick?
After laying a brick it does not follow you around!
Why do blondes drive BMW's?
Becasue they can spell it!
The Police stop a Blonde
A police officer stops a blond for speeding and asks her very nicely if he could see her license.
She replied in a huff, "I wish you guys would get your act together. Just yesterday you take away my license and then today you expect me to show it to you!"
She was so blonde that...
she tripped over the cordless phone.
she thought a quarterback was a refund.
if she spoke her mind she'd be speechless.
when she heard that 90% of all crimes were around the home, she moved.
she sent me fax with a stamp on it.
she puts Capricorn when it says "sign here".
she makes up her mind by putting lipstick on her forehead.
she took a ruler to bed to see how long she slept.
Blonde Paint
There is a new type of paint in the shops. It is called Blonde. It is not very bright but it spreads easily!
Blondes and Birthdays
A blonde was given a mobile phone for her birthday by her husband. He showed her how it worked and then went to work. The next day, the husband went to work and the wife went out shopping. The phone rang, and it was the husband. "Hi, how are you? he said. "Ah, just great, the phone is great and so technological. Just one thing I can't understand though". "What", replied the husband. "How did you know that I was at Tesco?"
A blonde was given a jigsaw puzzle for her birthday. She got it out and started it but it was hard. Anyway, three months later she finished it. At work, she was happier than usual and a collegue asked why. I finished my jigsaw today, she replied. I see, said her friend. But I did it uiker than usual, it said two to four years on the box!
The Top Ten Blonde Inventions!
- The water-proof towel
- Solar powered flashlight
- Submarine screen door
- Inflatable dart board
- A book on how to read
- A dictionary index
- Ejector seat in a helicopter
- Powdered water
- Water-proof tea bag
- Pedal-powered wheel chair
The Blondes Medical Knowledge
Artery.............Study of paintings
Bacteria............Backdoor to cafeteria
Barium..............What to do when treatment fails
Bowel................A, E, I, O, U
Ceasarean Section....District in Rome
Cat Scan.............Searching for Kitty
Cauterize............Make eye contact with her
Colic................Sheep Dog
Coma.................Punctuation Mark
Congenital...........Friendly
D & C................Where Washington is
Dilate...............To live long
Enema.................Foe
Fester................Quicker
Genital...............Non-Jewish
Hang Nail.............Coat Hook
Impotent..............Distinguished, well known
Labor pain............Injury at work
Morbid................Higher offer
Nitrate...............Cheaper than daily price
Node..................Was aware of
Outpatient............Person fainted
Post op...............Letter Carrier
Recovery Room.........Place to apholster
Rectum................Dang near Killed Him
Rheumatic.............Amorous
Secretion.............Hiding something
Tablet................Small table
Terminal Illness......Sick at Airport
Tibia.................Country in North Africa
Tumor.................More than One
Urine.................Opposite of 'you're out'
Varicose..............Nearby
Vein..................Conceited
Here are the jokes which the sites visitors have sent in ...
From James Corwin
Jane Smith, 23, was doing the shopping one day.
As she got out of her car a passer by noticed she had a
strange look on her face and was clutching the back of her head.
He asked if everything was o.k. and she exclaimed she'd been
shot in her head and was holding her brains in. She requested
an ambulance.Ten minutes later the paramedics arrived, and
Jane explained what had happened.
She had come back from shopping and a can of pilchards had exploded.
Some of the contents hit the back of her head with some force. She
mistook the explosion for a gunshot and thought the pilchards
were her brains. She clasped over them to keep them in.
And yes, she is a blonde.
From Carl G
There was a woman who went to the doctors complaining that all her body hurt. She touched her knee and said it hurt, she touched her head and said it hurt, and touched her chest and said it hurt. The doctor replied, are you a natural blonde? Yes, she said. Ah, said the doctor, I believe you have broken your finger!
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