my date with fairuza balk�
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*Note : This is a fictional account. No Real People are represented here , aside from a fictional version of fairuza balk. No real events of this kind have happened... yet.�
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It all started relatively normally. I was walking down the street one day , and happened to notice someone standing at a door. She seemed familiar , but I took little notice and continued on. I did a double-take. "Holy mother of virgin christ!" I thought , "That's ... that's.... Fairuza Balk!" �I approached her , intently gazing at her beauty.�
"Hello , Ms. Balk ?" I muttered , sheepishly.�
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"Yeah ? What do you want ?"�
My mind screamed... "Oh shit ! She's angry. This can't be happening ! My dream woman is pissed off at me !" I almost wept. I said "Oh , I thought I recognized you. I like your movies." I said , almost wishing I hadn't.�
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"Why thank you. You still haven't told me your name" �
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Oh , sweet heavenly Jesus ! Fairuza Balk wants to know my name ! This is my lucky day ! "My... my name is Jason. Jason Robinson." I muttered. �
"That's a nice name. You already know mine."�
"You bet."�
An awkward silence fell between me , the under-paid nobody and the sexy goddess. I took the offensive�
"So... What are you doing later ?" �
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"Wait... are you asking me out ?"�
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"Yeah" I spouted , "Why not ? Can't you find time in your busy hollywood schedule to make a date with a handsome loner?"�
" Hmm....." she thought... She reached into her pocket , and pulled out a crumpled piece of paper. "This is the address of a party I'll be at tonight. Today I'm shooting a music video for a friend's band. Maybe I'll see you there."�
My shaking hands could not contain themselves and shot out , snatching the paper. �
"Thanks. I'll see you there."�
As she turned to leave , she said , in a low voice ," I hope so."�
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I turned , playing it cool. But I couldn't help it ... I jumped up , paper in fist , and shouted a celebratory "woo-hoo!" Fairuza turned and laughed.�
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The hours leading up to the party were the longest since the last time I had a root canal. I was on pins and needles, anticipating , speculating what may or may not happen. I let my imagination go. I imagined her in every concievable way : �
liking me 
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loving me ,�
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hating me 
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having a boyfriend or a husband ..... �
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After an eternity of daydreaming , I realized what time it was. 7:30... just one more hour .... I hoped I could hold on that long.�
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8:30 pm... : Party at Johnny Riccio's house , Forest Park.�
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I entered the building , paper in hand. I realized that it hadn't left my grip for hours. It was all but destroyed. The porter let me in anyway , after I explained to him that I was a close friend of Ms. Balk's �(and after slipping him a double sawbuck). On the sixth floor , the party was raging. Half-naked models and "actresses" were dancing lewdly in the hallways. But I was on a mission. My mind was stuck in a mantra �, it chanted "must find fairuza balk" over and over. Some guy handed me some german beer. I opened it with a bare hand and continued. The interior of Riccio's apartment was like something out of "The Shining". The carpet stung your eyes to look at it , and the hallways were wallpapered with some dingy yellowed print. A half-assed DeeJay was spinning Stardust's "Music sounds better with you" and mixing it into oblivion. The sparkling disco track sounded like it was being tortured in a Nazi death camp. �
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Then , out of the madness of the interior design , I spotted her. She was in the middle of the room , listening to some guy go on about the state of independant film. She seemed absorbed.�
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�"..."�
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"Fairuza !" I shouted above the music blaring from a speaker nearby.�
She whipped her head around , searching the room. She spotted me and gave me a "come hither" wave. Dutifully , I approached.�
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"This is Johnny Riccio, the guy who's throwing this party."�
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I shook hands with the man. He eyed me up and down. He turned his head to Fairuza. �
"This guy ? This is the one you met tonight ?"�
"Yep."�
"He's cute !"�
"Johnny , he's not for you. He's for me."�
I stood amazed at the unabashed conversation that was taking shape in front of me.�
"Well , you have fun" Johnny spouted as he stood up. �
He grabbed me by the arm "You , can call me anytime."�
"Thanks , but no thanks , Johnny." I said , in a shaky voice.�
Johnny eyed Fairuza for a moment. He moved through the room , knowing full well that somewhere in the room there was a boytoy all his own.�
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I sat down on the leather couch next to Fairuza. Suddenly , I lost all my nerve. I got shaky and nervous. Fairuza noticed.�
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"You OK ?"�
"Yeah. I just.... I'm not used to big parties , and meeting beautiful women."�
She smiled , a curvy delicious smile. �
"You think I'm beautiful ?That's sweet of you to say."�
"I'm sure you must get that all the time."�
"Not from people who really mean it.... Mostly I get it from photographers who only want a shot of my tits. Or from crooked directors trying to get in my pants."�
I could not , for the life of me , think up a good response.�
"You sure you're alright? You want a drink or something ?"�
"No , I'm fine." I was honestly nailed to the spot. She had me enthralled , every word was another nail in my coffin. I added "You know , I think you and I meeting was fate. It was pre-destined. Something mystical" �
I sat and stared at the floor , as another weird silence pervaded the air between us.�
She smirked to herself , and started play-fighting with me , nudging me in the ribs and tickling me at the same time.�
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"grrr! Cheer up! You silly bastard!"�
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In spite of myself , I laughed and fought back. The party almost stopped to stare at us , being so odd on the floor of arich gay man's apartment. The DJ quit fighting with the stardust song , and played a quick change into George Clinton's "Tear the Roof Off" The party went ecstatic. The lewd models sifted in , doing their seductive dances on some nebbish college boys from SLUH who happened onto the party by accident. Almost as soon as I could think , Fairuza had me by the neck and was turning me over onto my back. I , instead flipped her over. We sat like that , staring at each other. We smiled simultaneously. I stood up quickly , and she reached out her hands for me to help her up. I did so , and pulled her close to me. �
"Do you want to leave the party ?" I asked sheepishly , secretly wishing to leave.�
She thought for a moment.�
"Yeah , let me say bye to Johnny"�
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She turned out from my embrace , and looked back , winking.Her slinky body moved across the room quickly and gracefully. She hugged Johnny , and whispered something into his ear. She bounded back to me , taking me by the arm. �
"Let's get out of here."�
I jokingly replied "This place is dead anyways."�
She laughed , covering her face with her hand.�
We walked out , avoiding the lusty gazes of the dancing models.�
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In the elevator down to the lobby , she stared into my eyes and said�
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"Did you mean what you said back there ? About fate ?"�
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"Of course. I wouldn't make up a line like that."�
She leaned close to me and buried her head in my shoulder. �
"That's good. Cause I felt it too." She looked up at me. "I mean that. I knew somehow that you weren't an average fanboy. You truly cared for me without really knowing the real me. So I gave you a chance. Get to know Fairuza. The real Fairuza. Not the movie version. Then maybe you wouldn't like it as much. But you did. And that's when I knew it was real."�
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FIN�
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that was so beautiful�
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