Future Headlines
Just a few predictions for the future.
"Flying dog does it again"
"We hate the gays" Says hypnotised pope
"Bible just ancient joke" - missing page found
"Hanson knighted for service to music"
"President takes 6th wife"
"Elections loom for new world leader"
Yes it's that time again, and it looks like it's a two horse race after the pope revealed his hugely unpopular plans to kill 'everyone'.
Ralph Hiller of "The Modern Nazi Party" still denies the fact that he has a force of secret police and they were found savagely beating those who they deem 'impure'.
The communist leader Joey Satlin admits that the Modern Nazi party's policy is a surprise but sticks by his claim that he will 'eat the skin' of anyone who stands in the way their plans for 'world wide suppression'. The modern Nazi's techniques seem to have the once leading communist party beaten - literally. Mob warfare and gangland violence is sure to follow as big Joey forms his own 'peace keeping force'.
"Suck my cock," says pope to Muslims
The disturbingly foul-mouthed pope did it again this week at the world leader's dinner and dance. According to the first official statement by Vatican officials he meant to say "I strongly disagree with your views, my Muslim friends" but it came out wrong. The pope himself later declared this statement as "Bollocks" and he then challenged the leader of the Muslim church to a fight in a neutral country such as 'Buddha land'
"Pope in eight way love - Shock"
The pope this week admitted having a menage et huit with a healthy mix of supermodels and nuns. The only excuse offered was in Latin "Et humpien bitchien comparium" he continues "Et Gehum hades" which roughly translates into "I humped them like bitches" and "You can all go to hell" I for one don't want to see if he goes through with his threats, so good luck to you sir.
"Queen in Playboy centrefold"
The queen this week faced all her critics by giving playboy magazine exclusive rights to the now infamous "Bitch titties" pictures. Other bids were rumoured to have been up to £12, but the queen decided to take the £12.50 bid from playboy in order to feed her heroin addiction.